Hitler Theory

Adolph Hitler, dictator and leader of the German Nazi Party would turn 113 years old this week, and for the first time, conspiracy theorists admit he's probably dead by now.

While most historical sources cite Hitler's death to a suicide in 1945 during the last days of the war, rumors he is still alive have spread around conspiracy circles for years.

"His chances of conquering the world may have died in that underground bunker," said one theorist, not trusting us with his name. "But we have evidence the German Fuhrer went on to run a legitimate carpet cleaning business in Brussels while he was planning his eventual return to political life."

Conspiracy theorists have always felt Hitler's reported suicide 57 years ago was an elaborate cover-up, but most agree today that old age would probably have claimed him by now, unlike Kennedy or Elvis, who realistically are still very much alive.

"Barring some sort of super-revitalizing youth potion or cryogenics, yeah I guess he's probably dead at this point," another theorist lamented. "Of course, I'm sure German government officials had the foresight to keep his brain around until modern technology can reanimate him."

According to another theorist, calling himself "Carl" and using a modulator to disguise his voice, there is the other, more likely possibility that Hitler's clone is alive and well but still just a teenager. "Once he's old enough to grow the mustache, they'll probably let him take over where the original left off. That's obviously a real possibility considering current medical science."

Hitler, one of Germany's most recognizable figures, was famous for his Charlie Chaplin mustache, goose-step marching style and funny one-armed salute. He was also responsible for the death of lots of Jewish people.

He hid with the Soviets until he died in 1989 at age 100, as the Berlin Wall fell on him.

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