Home Alone 1 Lost In China and North Korea (A Sequel To Home Alone 2 Lost In Japan)
Hello, my name is Seth The Incubus. I just came back from the trip to Tokyo, Japan with my wife Bowsette. We had a really good time because we purchased a very hard-to-find DVD of an unlicensed parody of Home Alone 2 Lost In New York called "Home Alone 2 Lost In Japan" starring a bunch of crossover characters including the likes of John Wick, Doom Guy, and The Punisher as well as the main character of the movie named Nick from the game "Left 4 Dead 2" but today I have another story I want to tell.
Bowsette and I got a call from our good friend Zeronx Lighten. He said that he heard that there's this unlicensed DVD in Beijing, China of another Home Alone DVD similar to the one that we got in Tokyo, Japan. it was apparently called "Home Alone 1 Lost In China and North Korea," he told us that there is a car waiting for us that has a member of his Speakonia Group in the car that's driving it. When we got outside our mansion. We saw that there was a black Sudan waiting for us. When we got in the car.
The person that was driving was Mama Max from the YouTube Channel of the same name. Mama Max then said to us. "Hey. I just took a break from catching internet predators because it took a toll on my mental health because of what I saw on those chat logs. I just took a night job from Zeronx Lighten to drive people to States, Countries, and Other Worlds and Dimensions because it made me sick and disgusted at what I saw those predators were doing. So. I decided to take a break from this whole thing and accept the night job from Zeronx for now. But I'll return to predator hunting soon enough once I get my mental health back in check." Bowsette and I told Mama Max that we need to head to Beijing, China because we got a tip from Zeronx Lighten that he heard that there was another DVD of an Unlicensed Home Alone movie similar to the one that Bowsette and I found in Tokyo, Japan a year ago.
Mama Max said that he would drive us to Beijing, China. but he warned us about some of China's bans on certain movies, games, and other things from America. We understood what Mama Max was saying. Mama Max then said that the trip is going to take 24 Hours to get to Beijing, China. We then asked Mama Max if there were any guest beds in Black Sudan for us to sleep in. Mama Max then said that there are. Because Zeronx Lighten's Speakonia Group bought some extra space for The Black Sudan. Mama Max said that the guest rooms are in the hidden interior of The Black Sudan. Mama Max pressed a button to open the hidden interior. We went inside the hidden interior and Mama Max closed the interior behind us for the night.
When we turned on the light source for the hidden interior. Needless to say. We were shocked and amazed by what we saw. We saw that there was a bar, a living room, a kitchen, a bathroom and spa, a large bedroom, an attic, some SWAT and FBI gear laying around with the initials A.L.B. an Anime and Manga store, a very large room with past and present memes. except for the ones that are deemed to be messed up or offensive have been made in history, a museum with living art sculptures, and a video game area with every console in existence, even the bad and crappy bootleg video game consoles like the PolyStation, Xbox 720, iBox, and others similar to those. After seeing those really cool gadgets that Mama Max and Zeronx Lighten had in The Black Sudan. Bowsette and I then headed to the bedrooms in The Black Sudan. We then slept together in the master bedroom with Bowsette laying next to me with her arms around my waist in bed. After that cozy night in bed for the trip to Beijing, China.
Mama Max unlocked the hidden interior in The Black Sudan, and looked for us. We then got dressed, and we headed towards Mama Max. Mama Max saw us and he said "Hey you two. The trip to Beijing, China is done. We are here. Call me if you need anything once you got the DVD." Mama Max then wrote the phone number for The A.L.B. which we asked Mama Max what A.L.B. stood for. Mama Max revealed that it stood for "The Anti-Lolicon Bunch" which Mama Max revealed that he was in fact. A major member of that group. And he was indeed a powerful force to be reckoned with since he rebranded his channel to Predator Hunting instead of Hentai Reviews because he felt like it wouldn't look good for his future career in Predator Hunting. Bowsette & I said our goodbyes to Mama Max and we left to go find the Home Alone 1 Lost In China and North Korea DVD. when we got to China, we noticed that for some reason, Zeronx Lighten was there waiting for us. Which was honestly a good thing since we need protection on our travel to Beijing, China. Zeronx greeted us and he said that he would accompany us on our hunt for the "Home Alone 1 Lost In China and North Korea DVD" that we needed to find. Bowsette, Zeronx, and I spotted a mall similar to the Mall in Tokyo, Japan.
But it had different glowing red and green lights like at a rave party. We all decided to enter the Mall. but when we got to the Mall Entrance. We had to pay 10 Yuan to enter which is the Chinese Currency. Which surprisingly Zeronx had in his pocket. we then went inside the mall, and we saw some pretty cool and colorful stuff for The Chinese New Year Holiday that was coming up. We saw paper dragons, paper pandas, and even a paper pig, which we saw some young kids drawing and hanging up the drawings in the stores that I assumed their parents owned. Bowsette, Zeronx, and I then headed to the food court, where Zeronx ordered a Cinnabon, Bowsette ordered McDonald's Chicken McNuggets, and I ordered a Wendy's Chocolate Frosty with Two 6 Piece Chicken Nuggets. When we all ordered our food items we decided to look for the DVD and Movie Shop that Zeronx mentioned. Zeronx told us to follow him to the back of the food court. When Zeronx saw that there was a vacant store that used to be a food store designed to appeal to foreigners, specifically Americans. But the store failed and shut down years ago back in 2009. Zeronx, Bowsette, and I entered the vacant store. And the first thing we noticed on the ground was some sort of Anime DVD. when Zeronx picked it up. It was a very obscure English dubbed copy of the Hentai series by the name of "Bible Black" but on the cover was a picture of Osama Bin Laden right next to the main cast of characters from the Hentai for some unexplained reason. not many anime studios dub Hentai into English due to the weird nature of certain series. But Zeronx luckily didn't take it with him because he told us that he wasn't interested in the series. Let alone a possible crappy English Dub of a hentai series. So he placed it on a nearby desk for some reason that was still intact. And after Zeronx placed the English Dubbed Bible Black DVD with the picture of Osama Bin Laden on the desk.
He directed us to this vending machine. Which had a secret entrance to the DVD store where he found the Home Alone 1 Lost In China and North Korea DVD. I told Zeronx about the similarities to the vending machine from here with a secret entrance and the vending machine from Half-Life 2 where Alyx Vance directs Gordon Freeman to Dr. Eli Kleiner's Lab Zeronx said that it indeed sounded similar to Half-Life 2. After we stopped talking about what had just happened with the vending machine. We walked inside the secret entrance to the DVD store in the mall in Beijing, China. And what we saw was quite interesting. Inside the store, we saw a bunch of DVD Shelves, and VHS Shelves, among other merchandise. Zeronx then directed us to one of the shelves. Which was indeed the "Home Alone 1 Lost In China and North Korea" DVD.
which had Not Important from Hatred on the Cover Art getting tackled by The North Korean Military in a red hallway for some odd reason. When Zeronx brought it to the counter to buy it. We saw two people at the cashier's desk whom we recognized immediately. It was none other than Kung Fu Man and Kung Fu Girl from the Freeware Fighting Game Engine known only as "M.U.G.E.N." Kung Fu Girl's eyes widened once she saw Bowsette, and me. Kung Fu Girl said "Seth, Bowsette... is that you? How have you guys been!" Zeronx then asked Bowsette and I and he said "Wait. you two know her?" Bowsette and I replied to Zeronx's question and we said "Yes. we know her from previous encounters and are still good friends with her and her sensei Kung Fu Man." Zeronx told us that he was glad that we found someone that we knew personally. Bowsette, Zeronx, and I decided to pay for the "Home Alone 1 Lost In China and North Korea" DVD which cost 5 dollars and 99 cents. When Bowsette, Zeronx, and I asked Kung Fu Man and Kung Fu Girl about the details of how the movie came to be.
Both Kung Fu Man and Kung Fu Girl said that a bootleg Chinese Movie Company named "Flaming Pig Films Entertainment" produced unlicensed bootleg Chinese movies based on movies from Overseas. Both Kung Fu Man and Kung Fu Girl said that it was strangely similar to the Japanese Bootleg Movie Company named "Yakuzu Entertainment" that we encountered on our trip to Japan when we found the "Home Alone 2 Lost In Japan" DVD. could those two companies have worked together when producing bootleg movies? Zeronx then said to both Bowsette and I that he will pay for the movie. Zeronx then paid Kung Fu Girl and Kung Fu Man for the "Home Alone 1 Lost In China and North Korea" DVD which was 5 dollars and 99 cents. Before we left, Kung Fu Girl and Kung Fu Man hugged us and they said to keep in touch with them as soon as possible.
After we left the DVD store and the mall in Beijing, China. We decided to go to a hotel. When we got there. We saw at the front desk this fox woman wearing a military outfit, a military hat, and glasses. And she had a name tag on her chest that said "Lt. Vixen" . We then went up to her and we asked her if we could have a room in the hotel. She said that it will be 50 dollars. Which was a shocker to Zeronx, Bowsette, and I. but we paid anyway. As we all were walking to our room. I noticed that Lt. Vixen was crouching at the corner looking at me. And she was doing a very suspicious "Hand Motion" which I knew what it was. Due to past experiences with that particular "Hand Motion" that I will not talk about due to uh.. Privacy reasons. Anyway, After what I saw. I decided to not tell Bowsette and Zeronx about what I saw until we headed into our hotel room.
We all headed into our hotel room. And we saw that there was a TV, two beds, and a separate walk-in closet for clothes and other suitable materials for the walk-in closet. We sat down. And we put in the movie to watch. The opening scene started with the Home Alone 1 intro. But instead of Kevin's family it was an entirely different cast of characters. The characters that were shown were this man with black fringed long hair, a black trenchcoat, a beard stubble and a scar on his lip. It was Not Important from the controversial but fun game "Hatred" the other person that was sitting down near the steps was a man with a brown trenchcoat, black sunglasses, a beard, an alien shirt, and an angry expression. And that was Postal Dude from "Postal 2" the other two characters that were next to Not Important and Postal Dude were a man with a beanie, a beard, grey eyes, a black opened hoodie, and a shirt that said "Beanie Boi" on it with a skull in the middle of the shirt. It was none other than the really popular Ex-Reactor known as "Charmx" and the person next to Charmx was a dark-skinned woman with pink hair, yellow eyes, purple lipstick, a mole on her lower lip, a black overcoat bikini strapped gear, a long red cape, a yellow sword, and a black thong with lower black-clad leggings and black high heels with a white color on the bottom of her high heels. And this woman is from the infamous "Taimanin Asagi" Hentai series but its spinoff is named "Hell Knight Ingrid" or "Makai Kishi Ingrid" when all of those characters were shown to Bowsette, Zeronx, and I on the screen we were all were shocked that those characters even existed in the "Home Alone Lost In" series. Made by "Yakuzu Entertainment" and "Flaming Pig Films Entertainment".
the next scene then showed a snowy environment at the airport where Not Important, Postal Dude, Charmx, and Hell Knight Ingrid were rushing to. But this time Not Important got lost at another airport section which was in Beijing, China where Postal Dude, Charmx, and Hell Knight Ingrid were at. But unfortunately Not Important went on the wrong plane. But the worst part is that the plane was heading to another part of China called "Lanzhou" which is an incredibly polluted area of China. And is a poor part of China. Meanwhile. As Postal Dude, Charmx, and Hell Knight Ingrid were wondering where Not Important is at. Postal Dude, Charmx, and Hell Knight Ingrid did a small head count on themselves. But as soon as they finished the headcount of themselves while saying "Here you go Not Important" When Charmx said "Here you go Not Important" and when he looked up. He saw another group of reactors which were Abraham Foulkes, BSL Reaction Asylum, Billy Bob Tanley, Blastphamous HD, and among them was Doomer Guy and Doomer Girl. surprisingly Doomer Guy looked like a more depressed version of Charmx.
Charmx then realized that Not Important was lost. He said "WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY!!!!" and Charmx passed out on the floor with Abraham Foulkes, BSL Reaction Asylum, Billy Bob Tanley, Blastphamous HD, Doomer Guy, and Doomer Girl just staring at Charmx on the floor in shock. Hell Knight Ingrid then decided to call and notify a certain man with a white and red suit with slicked black hair on her phone named "Kiryu Kazuma to search for "Not Important". It then transitioned to Not Important in a rural part of "Lanzhou" with rotted potted plants near abandoned stores with leaves and vines wrapped around them, dirty streets littered with waste and litter, and a foggy sky like something out of "Silent Hill" Not Important said as he was walking that he "just fucking hated this world and how the human worms are feasting on its carcass" Not Important then saw a red light in the distance. And when he went up to it.
The red light leads to a door with a long hallway. And once he went into the hallway. The door suddenly closed on him with a loud bang. Not Important then spotted some female demons trying to possibly attack him or possibly seduce him. But Not Important brought out his multitude of guns and he went "balls out" like Taiga Saejima from the Yakuza Game Series with his guns. He was saying as he was killing the female demons. "You don't deserve a natural death." and "Can you hear your guardian angel crying? I can." once he finished killing the female demons. He encountered a military unit of North Korean soldiers in the last portion of the hallway. Once the North Korean soldiers attacked Not Important. The last thing Not Important said to the North Korean soldiers before he got knocked out on the spot with the back of one of the North Korean soldier's guns. "You reek of weakness, you cunt." it then transitioned to the base in the hallway where the North Korean Soldiers are keeping Not Important hostage where Not Important is chained up like in the Postal 1 Ending where Postal Dude is chained up in the insane asylum. The North Korean soldiers were laughing and mocking Not Important's demise.
But two of the soldiers seemed to have a change of heart because they both realized what their peers were doing was very wrong. And they wanted to escape the North Korean Government. These soldiers were named "Geumsaegi and his buddy was named "Juldarami" they both were very good allies with North Korea. But after their show named "Squirrel and Hedgehog" got canceled. They had a change of heart and they finally overcame their brainwashing at a young age by the Kim Dynasty and they finally realized how wrong most of their country is. At night when the other soldiers were sleeping in their quarters in the hallway, Geumsaegi and Juldarami were talking to Not Important. And they both asked how he got here to this North Korean army base. Not Important was groggy and half asleep with the chains on his arms and his long dark hair covering his face like a "Hentai Protagonist" but Not Important woke up.
he got frightened a bit once he saw Geumsaegi and Juldarami right in front of him. But he finally spoke to Geumsaegi and Juldarami. He said in a low but gruff voice. "My name is Not Important. And I found this North Korean army base by suddenly seeing a red light and a long hallway. And I was being attacked by female demons and your allies. But I'm glad you two are trying to help me escape. But I first need to find my guns. Do you know where your allies have taken them to?" Both Geumsaegi and Juldarami said that they were in the Power Plant safe that was rigged to explode. Once Geumsaegi and Juldarami both released Not Important with their keys from the chains. The chains snapped and for some reason, they got turned into weapons for Geumsaegi and Juldarami to use to fight their "Allies which Geumsaegi and Juldarami explained to Not Important that they have planned to become North Korean Defectors for a long time because they hated how the system is in North Korea. and what's worse is that Geumsaegi saw one of his friends trying to escape North Korea. But their friend, unfortunately, got killed on the spot by snipers. Geumsaegi and Juldarami joined the North Korean Army out of fear so they wouldn't get shot or killed like Geumsaegi's friend that got killed in front of his own eyes. Which shocked Not Important to his core despite Not Important being an edgelord at heart. But Geumsaegi and Juldarami decided to change their ways after they saw Not Important being held at gunpoint by their allies. They now consider themselves enemies after the unspeakable actions that Geumsaegi witnessed that one fateful day that changed his life forever. What happened to his friend at the hands of the North Korean government.
Not Important had a change of heart for the two North Korean animal soldiers. And he decided it would be a good idea to escape with them. Geumsaegi and Juldarami gave Not Important the password to the safe that can destroy the power plant to hopefully not end up killing Not Important, Geumsaegi, Juldarami, and even the North Korean soldiers on the spot. The passcode was named "666" in reference to Hatred where Not Important entered the code to blow up the power plant to kill the Military and SWAT officers alongside him. Not Important then went up to the power plant, and found the safe which had his guns in it. He then said as he was entering the code "What Is The Fucking Code?" and he entered the right code which is "666" which was given to him by Geumsaegi and Juldarami. Suddenly. The safe cracked open very loudly. he heard the alarm going off. Which alerted the North Korean soldiers that were sleeping. they woke up to find that Geumsaegi and Juldarami were sleeping on their beds.
But what they didn't know was that both of them were pretending to sleep for Not Important's rescue. But when the North Korean Soldiers came in the door with guns in hand at Not Important. Not Important said "Now... My time has come..." and he then laughed. But before the North Korean soldiers were able to kill and gun down Not Important on the spot. Geumsaegi and Juldarami sprung into action and they attacked the North Korean soldiers from behind and attacked and riding them like the Jockey from "Left 4 Dead 2" to distract the North Korean Soldiers. Not Important then got his guns and fired a multitude of shots causing the North Korean soldiers to get shot dead by the multitude of bullets. And after that Geumsaegi, Juldarami, and Not Important then realized that they all got hit. And they passed out. But a few minutes later. After they passed out on the floor as they got hit. They heard a Japanese man's voice coming from a distance. And it turned out to be the man himself. Kiryu Kazuma Kiryu then woke up Not Important, Geumsaegi, and Juldarami. And he told the three injured trio that he would take them to his apartment back in Beijing, China which he had bought and repaired himself alongside his good friend Goro Majima's construction company named "Majima Construction to help with repairing the apartment too.
Majima and Kiryu have a long and great friendship ever since the late 1980's. Kiryu then picked up Not Important, Geumsaegi, and Juldarami on his back and he went off to his apartment to nurse them back to health. Once Not Important, Geumsaegi, and Juldarami were at Kiryu's apartment, and when Kiryu put them all in his guest room in the apartment. In the guest room you can see a note on the fridge from three people named "John Wick, Doom Slayer, and The Punisher" telling Kiryu about a Strip Club that they passed by which they wanted Kiryu & the three of them to investigate for suspicious sightings. And on the night table you can see a "Anti-Lolicon Church Flyer" that was given to Kiryu by the pastor of the church named "Pastor Martin Ssempa" Kiryu then noticed that Not Important, Geumsaegi, and Juldarami woke up after being nursed back to health and injected with a certain power up called "Heat Action" in case if they were hurt and they needed to defend themselves, Kiryu then asked Not Important if he indeed have any family and friends at home?
Not Important revealed that he does have a family. But something told him in his mind that they are located somewhere in Beijing, China. Since they always go there for family trips. Not Important revealed their names are Postal Dude, Charmx, and Hell Knight Ingrid. Kiryu said that he actually got a call from a woman with a mature sounding voice, with pink hair, among other features. Her name is "Hell Knight Ingrid" from the Taimanin Asagi series. Which Not Important's eyes widened he just realized that he was lost for some time. And he, Kiryu, Geumsaegi, and Juldarami decided to find a way to get back to Not Important's Family. Kiryu then had an idea in mind. Kiryu said to Not Important, Geumsaegi, and Juldarami that he has backup in case more North Korean soldiers arrive to Kiryu's apartment to possibly kill Not Important, Geumsaegi, Juldarami, and even Kiryu.
Kiryu called a cab while Not Important Geumsaegi, and Juldarami waited for the cab outside Kiryu's apartment in Beijing, China. When the cab got to Kiryu's apartment in Beijing, China. Kiryu, Not Important, Geumsaegi, and Juldarami went inside the cab. And they couldn't even believe their eyes as to who was the driver of the cab. It was Dante from the DmC Reboot that was met with horrible reviews by both hardcore Devil May Cry fans and critics. But surprisingly Dante was nice to them. Instead of being his edgy-self like how he was in his OG source material. Dante said that he will take them to the airport where Not Important's family is at. Because Kiryu told him everything about what went on. Dante then said that apparently he and his girlfriend named "Kat" have to go to another dimension after he's done dropping off Kiryu Kazuma, Not Important, Geumsaegi, and Juldarami off at the airport to see Not Important's family again. After Kiryu Kazuma, Not Important, Geumsaegi, and Juldarami got dropped off at the airport. Postal Dude, Charmx, and Hell Knight Ingrid greeted them.
They all said where has Not Important been? And did Kiryu Kazuma save the other two people with Not Important? Kiryu responded by saying that he did in fact save Not Important, Geumsaegi, and Juldarami. Everyone was shocked and happy that Kiryu saved Not Important Geumsaegi, and Juldarami. Later that day after Kiryu Kazuma, Not Important, Postal Dude, Charmx, Hell Knight Ingrid, Geumsaegi, Juldarami, Abraham Foulkes, BSL Reaction Asylum, Billy Bob Tanley, Blastphamous HD, Doomer Guy, and Doomer Girl had a celebration party to celebrate the rescue of Not Important as well as Geumsaegi, and Juldarami. They are now allies with them. Suddenly, Dante appeared out of nowhere with Kat. and he decided to join in on the fun. He brought out a monochrome ice-cream cake with the words Welcome Home Not Important with figures of Not Important, Dante, Kat, and the rest of Not Important's family and friends on the cake as figures. Everyone had a blast at the party.
Including Charmx and Doomer Girl. which they planned a date at the park soon. Postal Dude then said to Geumsaegi, and Juldarami, "Well.. since Not Important and Kiryu Kazuma rescued you two from that secret North Korean base in China. We have decided for you two to be in our group to keep you two safe from the North Korean Government and The Kim Dynasty all together." Geumsaegi, and Juldarami cheered and hugged everyone. The "Home Alone 1 Lost In China and North Korea"" movie concluded after a black screen with the demonic announcer from the Devil May Cry Reboot saying "Home Alone 1 Lost In China and North Korea Has Come To An End" with Dante's necklace waving slowly in the frame. Bowsette, Zeronx, and I were amazed at how the movie went. Seeing people like Charmx and the others like Hell Knight Ingrid from Taimanin Asagi show up and Not Important blowing up the power plant like he did in Hatred was extremely satisfying to say the least. And to mention Kiryu Kazuma saved Not Important Geumsaegi, and Juldarami in the end. Actually gave me hope in humanity as a whole.
As Bowsette, Zeronx and I headed out the door with the "Home Alone 1 Lost In China" Movie in my hands. LT. Vixen showed up and told me that she'd do me a very "special favor" as a "reward" if I give her the Home Alone 1 Lost In China DVD. but I said no because I knew what she was planning to "do with me" and I did not consent. LT. Vixen then got angry and she said "WHY YOU...." and just as she attempted to pounce on me to do god knows what. Asagi Igawa from Taimanin Asagi came in the door and She put her ninja sword through LT. Vixen's chest. And LT. Vixen laid on the floor dead. Asagi then said "What a horny fox woman. Glad she got killed" Bowsette, Zeronx, and I asked Asagi what the deal with LT. Vixen was. Asagi then revealed that LT. Vixen was a part of a dangerous group called "The Cosby District" filled with horrible individuals known to man. That included her arch-nemesis named "Oboro" who somehow came back to life after two men named Frank Castle and Nick killed her. We asked if she could call Mama Max to pick us up from our journey. She said yes. She then picked up her phone and called Mama Max on the phone to tell him that he should pick us up. Asagi and I said our goodbyes and we left. Outside we saw Mama Max was there waiting for us. Max then said "Ready to head back home?" We said yes. And that was the story of how we acquired "Home Alone 1 Lost In China and North Korea"
Credited to Seth Bayona
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