Jeff the Potato
It has been two weeks since Jeff's incident. He now lives in a life filled with burning hatred, cruelty, and misery. He has killed his own family, as well as his own brother Liu. Now Jeff wanders around the streets of USA, killing many innocent children and people. But what he did not realize is that there another entity of him wandering around the ghetto parts of New York. His name is "Jeff the Potato". He is considered by people the dumbest person on Earth. Or so they thought...
The origins date back as far as 1992, the year Jeff got into a brutal fight with Randy. After his face got covered with vodka, bleach, and fire, he began screaming so hard that he let loose the dumber side of his brain. The screaming caused a part of his soul to flee from his body, with the dumb personality combining it. It would then create a incarnation of Jeff. When Potato Jeff (as a floating pile of dust) escaped from the flames, the wind blew it away, with the Four Elements fusing inside him. The floating dust floats for around four days, until finally reaching New York. The pile of dust lands in a dumpster near an elementary school.
However, the process of making Potato Jeff wasn't so easy. It took at least two months to form his muscles, organs, bones, eyes, legs, arms, and his Jeff the Killer face. When the process was finished, he spoke his first sentence:
'"Time for people to go to potato!!!"
One day, on a bright sunny morning, Potato Jeff was on his not-so killing spree, always making derpy faces, and laughing like a retard. He first victim was to be a 8 year old girl from an elementary school, but that's when things got bad.
As soon as Potato Jeff approached the school grounds, he said to himself, "Hehehehe. This is gonna be fun!!"
He tiptoed to a playground filled with happy children. He didn't know which girl to abduct, so he just picked the cutest one. He looked everywhere, from the monkey bars to the slides, without anyone noticing him. He was much faster and agile than Jeff, like a cheetah. He then looked his perfect victim: a cute 8 year old girl with blond hair, blue sneakers, a green skirt, a Hello Kitty shirt, and a pink bow on her head. Potato Jeff fell in love with her, rather than killing her.
He approached her and said, "Um, excuse me?"
"Eww! Who are you?! It's not Halloween, dummy!" said the girl.
Potato Jeff then said, "It's not my halloween costume. I actually look like-"
Before he could say anything, the girl said, "What's your name? It's rude to ask a polite person without introducing himself."
"Well, that's not the thing. The thing is-"
Again, the girl interrupted him. "My name is Lisa." Jeff introduced himself to Lisa.
"And my name is Jeff. The Potato. Jeff the Potato. I know it's a funny name, but-"
Lisa begins to laugh after hearing his name. "HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHA!!! JEFF THE POTATO! HAHHAHAHA!! That's so funny. Now seriously. What's your real name."
Potato Jeff then explains her his origins. "Well, THAT is my real name. You see, I had no idea where I came from. It think it was from a street or somethin'." Lisa begins to get furious.
"Stop telling jokes. Just tell me your name. NOW!!!"
Potato Jeff was getting depressed by the look on her face. "I'm not. I just wanna-" Before he could tell her about Jeff, she gets mad and insults him.
"STOP TELLING ME LIES!!!" Potato Jeff gets a bit of Jeff's personality and shouts at her really loud.
"STOP YELLIN' AT ME!!!" All the kids from the playground begin to laugh at him. Lisa stomps her foot and begins saying random swear words at Potato Jeff. He gets scared and attempts to flee the scene, but it soon caught by the principal.
"Get him! Get the man!" he said. Security guards begin to pop out of nowhere, trapping Potato Jeff. "Aw shit, what am I gonna do?" Then his Jeff personality goes away and begins to act like Stimpy. He begins to look at one of the guards. One of them says, "Why are you trespassing in our school and being rude to little girls?" Potato Jeff didn't answer. "Huh? Answer me! Why are you doing this for crying out loud?!?!?!"
Then Potato Jeff says to him, "DUUUH!! CUZ POTATOES ARHE GEWD 4 U!!!"
One guard says, "What the hell is wrong with this dude?" Potato Jeff goes on a frenzy and begins to dance around the principle, which pisses him off.
"Get away from me you stupid ass!" he says as he pushes him off. Potato Jeff begins to laugh. The guards grab his arm hard, which makes Potato Jeff scream. "Oh my god, is this what mental people on crack are?" all of them say. As soon they are outside of the school, they pick up Potato Jeff up and violently throw him into the road. Then, with angry expressions, they shout in unison: "AND NEVER SHOW YOUR UGLY FACE HERE EVER AGAIN!!" and walk away.
Potato Jeff then says, "MISHION COMPLEETE!" and runs happily along the streets. He thinks of his next "victims" to kill. He decides to go after Jeff. His final words were, "I will find you Jeff. We will be together again like brothers."
In 2001, one person reported seeing a strange figure with a white hoodie, black, greasy hair, a white face, red mouth, and eyes with out-of-place pupils. He was a carrying a blond woman about 32 years old. He said the following during an interview:
"I saw a mysterious figure carrying a lady to an abandoned warehouse while I was taking a walk to Central Park. He was skipping, while singing some kind of song. Actually, he was skipping so fast that I could barely see him. I went to the warehouse to see what the heck was going on. Unfortunately, he locked the main door, so I had to look through a window. The figure placed the victim in a old, torn up mattress and began to make weird whimpering sounds to the woman. Then he took a radio and started playing Napoleon XIV's "They're Coming To Take Me Away Ha-Haaa!". He then sang along with song. The woman started to feel dizzy when the figure played the song at least 3 times until she died from exhaustion. The figure then said the following words before her death:
"Go to Potato..."
On March 14, 2008, a YouTube user by the name of "ShoopDaPotato" uploaded a video called "Potatojeffsong.avi". The video consists a black, dim room with a man wearing a white hoodie, black pants, and long black hair dancing to the song "Big Girls Don't Cry" by Frankie Valli & The Four Seasons. It was too dark to see his face.
At the last 2.5 seconds of the video, the man laughs like the hyena from Lady and the Tramp. People who watched it would commit suicide by shoving potatoes in their mouth and choke themselves until they die. The video was deleted three months later.
The current whereabouts of Potato Jeff are unknown. If you see this man, please contact your local police department.
Credited to SlenderMario
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