King Koopa's Kool Kartoons lost episode

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The long-awaited sequel to Reasons!


One day I was at a garage sale at my neighbor's convience store's website. I noticed a tarnished VHS tape, labeled in some sort of Korean. It roughly translated to "God my penis fucking hurts," but it was clearly broken English, so I translated it to "King Koopa's Kool Kartoons: Lost Episode. Property of Rareware." I went to the old man running the sale, and asked how much it costed. He said, "It's free. It used to belong to some kid who used to live here, but he moved away. Also, I am a large fan of Blood on the Dance Floor." 

"That is completely relevant to the situation and my life is now further enhanced due to my knowledge of this," I replied.

I went home and put the tape into my blu-ray. Somehow, this VHS tape wasn't working in my blu-ray. Strange, isn't it? But I strangely decided to put it into my VCR, and it worked. I was already starting to get a little weirded out. 

Soon the video began. It was a little static-y, but nothing to worry about. The familiar theme song you all love and remember began to play. Only, with one small difference. King Koopa had hyper-realistic eyes, as if he was being played by a human actor. But he couldn't have possibly been. Everyone knows all the events of the Super Mario series really took place!  

Soon, the first act began. I turned off my copy of Sonic 3 because I remembered that I was watching something. At this point, the static was out of control and a low droning noise was the only audible sound. There was a split second shot of King Koopa and PATRIXXX beating up a short man. Then the tape ended.

I couldn't believe it. This had to be some kind of cruel joke! Who dare make a mockery of the best show since Who's The Boss?

Then I woke up and Happy Appy killed me.

... ur next

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