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Hi guys. I am Sam. Sam I am. Or Sam I was, for that matter; I really don’tdon't deserve any green eggs credit. I am an ordinary salesman for a taco shop. Or I was a salesman at one point. Regardless, I am unemployed by choice. I decided not to work anywhere. I lost my home. Everything. I originally had friends; but all rejected me after middle school because I was wearing a poorly-made Dr. Wiley cosplay during my 5th grade show and tell class while doing a bad Spider-Man impression. Plus I got blocked by Rian Johnson and Wil Wheaton on Twitter--the former because I was actually honest about how awfully disappointed I was with The Last Jedi--and the latter for not liking Ready Player One (both the book and the movie), I got permanently banned from a Rick and Morty Discord chatroom because I posted a long, allegorical review of how bad Season 3 was, and I’mI'm currently in my 30s living with my parents; that’sthat's how life works. Probably at Bob’sBob's Burgers- I found a grappling hook!
Anyway, Tomb Raider was a great series. Wait, you haven’thaven't heard of the Tomb Raider series? Well, prior to being an Uncharted/Prince of Persia/God of War/Pitfall/X-Files/Metroid/Indiana Jones/Assassin’sAssassin's Creed/Kim Possible hybrid video game series (kinda more Tobe Hopper/Dave Chrohenberg-y if you ask me)- it was originally pitched to become an animated series for Kids WB; but the pilot episode was rejected due to many people believing that instead of being their direct response to Batman Animated; it ended up more sickening as time went on. I found the tape while working for a taco shop. Of course, the shop was abandoned; so I had to dust the grill and looked at something mysterious on the floor. It was a VHS tape, but it had a crooked sticker that said, “PILOT"PILOT EP - TOMB RAIDER THE SERIES - IT’SIT'S GREAT - LOL.”"
It could’vecould've been a Mass Effect or Metroid series; but it wasn’twasn't. I muttered to myself, "Hwhat in the hell?" but I shrugged it off; because after doing even more research--based on my laptop that I still have fully charged to save battery power because I recycle a lot--from the recourse I found, according to an interview from one animator (not really specifying)--the animators, crew members, Eidos, creator Toby Guard, and Warner Bros. Animation claimed that the one whose lucky enough to find it will have to solve the first puzzle, a puzzle on how to raid a rabbit cave. Alas, I found an abandoned but still fixed TV/VCR combo as I put on the tape… and something horrifying happened. I mean granted the episode starts with a nice intro...
"HER NAME IS LARA CROFT SHE'S A BIG TOMB RAIDER SHE WILL RAISE SOME TOMBS GRAPPLING HOOKS SHE GOES INSANER
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