Little Einsteins: Save us…

Do you remember the classic Disney TV show, "Little Einsteins"? Well, I did. And boy was it a good part of my childhood. However, the show got cancelled in 2009. So, to relieve old memories, I got a DVD of the entire show from a flea market and rewatched the entirety of it. Good times. The show still held up even after all these years to my surprise, and I enjoyed it well. However, there was 1 bonus episode on the DVD left. I was not aware that the show had another episode. It was called "Save Us...". Out of curiosity of what could happen, I used the remote to click on the episode.

The episode started. The theme was fine for the most part, but something was wrong. The theme song sounded darker. And I don’t mean it sounded messed up, I mean the pitch was way lower and the song was 10% slower. And in the final shot, instead of the kids being happy, they had frowns on their faces while 5 silhouettes loomed over them with evil grins.

So already the episode started off on a bit of a grim tone. Then, the Little Einsteins did their usual "teach kids the joy of music" shtick, until a limousine arrived, having abducted Rocket and tying him to the top of the roof. The window of the limousine then rolled down to reveal the driver was..Francis from SMG4? I was baffled on how a character from a PG-13 series (let alone a non-Disney one) got in a series for such a young demographic. Then, Francis being his usual weeb crime lord self grabbed a gun and told the kids to get in the car. So, already the Einsteins were offputted. Francis then used careful tactics to manipulate the Little Einsteins into joining him and the Anime Cartel in their quest to make an Island full of Waifus, lying to them about "teaching the new generation of kids the joys of music". Francis’ henchmen..who were weirdly enough, Gallaxhar from DreamWorks’ "Monsters vs. Aliens", Issac Grossman from the motherfuckinf CREEPYPASTA "The Origin of Laughing Jack", Sephiroth from Final Fantasy, and, I’m not fucking with you, Sergeant Harrison Yates from motherfucking SOUTH PARK were also there too for some strange reason. I now thought that Disney just animated some guy’s fucking weird fanfic. This couldn’t have be written by the people who did the show.

Then a few minutes later in the episode, Francis told the Little Einsteins that, you fucking guessed it, he was lying, and that his real goal...was to not kill all the Inklings, but to also destroy the galaxy of the Lady of the Shooting Stars, Rosalina, out of petty spite and hatred of Mintberry Crunch from South Park. This special kept getting weirder and weirder, guys. But that’s not all. When the Little Einsteins tried to escape and take Rocket back to get the fuck out of there, Francis had Sephiroth grab them by the neck collar with his sword. Francis then ordered Gallaxhar to target over a hundred musician concerts and 100 entire planets and to fire when ready. The Little Einsteins were beyond understandably horrified at Francis, regretting joining him. Yates then reassured the kids that he will have Gallaxhar enslave and experiment on them if they leave, threatening them.

Francis and Gallaxhar then shot an huge laser at the concerts and planets, blowing them all up and killing 100,000 trillion people. I was horrified. I knew Francis, Gallaxhar, Issac, Sephy, and Yates were bastards but I didn’t think they’d go this low, and on a pre-school show no less. Then, after the concerts and planets were destroyed, what did they do? They LAUGHED. They sadistically cackled like the psychopathic irredeemable monsters they are. Their eyes then became more and more filled with hyper-realistic blood as their evil laughs grew. The Little Einsteins then began to break down crying. Francis then began to cruelly mock them for "winning the crying contest" like he was the High Evolutionary or something, and then..something really dark happened. Francis had Gallaxhar take them to the Ink Zuccer 2000, and had the power-hungry alien press the button to start the machine. And you wanna know what happened then? The Little Einsteins got their entire blood sucked out from their body, dying a slow and painful death. Before they died, they said before their death "Well, kids..it was fun while it lasted. And..thank you all, for the adventures." in dignity, accepting defeat and sacrificing themselves as an attempt to protect me. I was at a loss for words. The main characters of the show, who were literal children, had been killed off for real. The camera then cut to the kids’ corpses inside the Ink Zuccer.

Francis then turned to the camera, heartlessly remarking "That’s what happens to any baka that opposes the great Francis! And now, with the power of this pen, Inkweaver..I’m going to destroy Rosalina’s galaxy and have anyone who survives be enslaved and experimented on. First this world, then South Park, then Rosalina’s galaxy, then the multiverse, then all of existence! Full disclosure? I will reign supreme..as the supreme Okatu of all of existence! NNNNNNNYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSS!"

The episode then ended with Francis evilly cackling at the top of his lungs. The credits then rolled, I was at a loss for words. Then, there was a message that showed up on the screen, saying "YOU ARE NEXT, BAKA.". I then ejected the DVD and destroyed it immediately. I rushed back as fast as I cold, demanding a refund..but they were closed. I was LIVID. The next day, I demanded the seller for a refund, but he responded with "it’s too late. HE is coming. I sold you the disc so I could dispose of it so the weeb lizard could be stopped. However, I didn’t think it through on whether my buyer would actually watch the DVD, so technically this is moreso my fault for not thinking this through. Here’s your money back, now go-"...he was impaled in the back by Sephiroth. Horrified, I took the money and ran as fast as I could. To this day, Francis haunts me and has even left traces of his recent kills of quadrillions of people and planetary destructions at my house by putting letters in my mailbox for sadism. So, that’s it, friends. Whenever you see the Little Einsteins going on a trip in their favorite rocket ship, remember their heroic sacrifice they tried to do to stop SMG4’s most hated foe from reaching us. Remember their adventures and music with dignity. And whatever you do, if a green lizard driving a limousine asks you for a job at a Cartel, NEVER accept it, because if you do. You’re gonna regret it...

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