Lost Angry Birds DVD
I like the game Angry Birds. It is a very well made game made by Rovio on December 11, 2009. Funny thing is, that's 1 day after my birthday. They also made many cartoon series like Angry Birds Toons, Piggy Tales, Angry Birds Stella, Angry Birds Blues, Angry Birds on the Run, Angry Birds Zero Gravity, and the most recent one, Angry Birds Maker Space. There is also a movie named The Angry Birds Movie, which follows this plot: Flightless birds lead a mostly happy existence, except for Red (Jason Sudeikis), who just can't get past the daily annoyances of life. His temperament leads him to anger management class, where he meets fellow misfits Chuck (Josh Gad) and Bomb (Danny McBride). Red becomes even more agitated when his feathered brethren welcome green pigs to their island paradise. As the swine begin to get under his skin, Red joins forces with Chuck and Bomb to investigate the real reason behind their mysterious arrival. In August of 2019, a sequel was made called The Angry Birds Movie 2 which follows this plot: Red, Chuck, Bomb and the rest of their feathered friends are surprised when a green pig suggests that they put aside their differences and unite to fight a common threat. Aggressive birds from an island covered in ice are planning to use an elaborate weapon to destroy the fowl and swine way of life. After picking their best and brightest, the birds and pigs come up with a scheme to infiltrate the island, deactivate the device and return to their respective paradises intact.
But all that changed once I found a DVD of Angry Birds at the park that had some really scary and messed up shit on there.
So, anyway, Once Upon a time, I was on a walk to the park, when I saw a DVD that had the Angry Birds logo on it, and it had pictures of Red, Chuck, and Bomb. It was in a paper sleeve. I put it in my pocket and played at the park for 1 hour. I then walked home and looked at the disc very carefully. I was about to pull the disc out, until I saw a note which said, "Warnung! Legen Sie diese Disc nicht in Ihren DVD-Player ein! Es enthält etwas Mist, den du nicht sehen willst, weil er dir Albträume beschert und dir die lebendige Scheiße einjagt. Wer diese DVD findet, vernichtet sie bitte sofort!". I just ignored it because it was in German, which is a language I do not speak. There were 2 other notes in there. One was in Spanish, and the other one was in Arabic, which is harder to understand, because the letters aren't like the ABC's that you would learn in Elementary School. The Spanish one said, "Si eres lo suficientemente valiente, únete a mí en esta increíble aventura mientras vemos el DVD" But I couldn't make out what the Arabic one said, and I don't want to type it on here, because it would be difficult to understand.
Anyway, I inserted the DVD into my player, and it took like a few minutes to load up. When the main menu came, there were all the Angry Birds lying dead on the floor while the Angry Birds Rap played in reverse. It's very hard to talk backwards because, it just is. I was going to press play, but something else caught my eye, Bonus Features. The Features included: Angry Birds Movie dead version, Angry Birds Rap horror version, Evil King Pig, and Bonus Scene: Matilda's death. I was like, whatever, and decided to watch this crap after the movie. I went back to the main menu, but the image was something else. It was King Pig.EXE and the music was replaced with pure nothingness. After about a minute of this shit, I pressed play on my remote.
It showed the Paramount and Nickelodeon Movies logos, which felt like a dream come true, as I always wanted Angry Birds on Nickelodeon. But It was not what I expected.
The title said Angry Birds: Le film d'horreur creepypasta, which was in French. The movie began with Red, Chuck, and The Blues eating the flesh off of a Minion Pig, then Red said "Y'know, this should be the day we can get our eggs back" Then it cut to static. After the static, it showed Matilda with arrows in her body, with a character of what looked like Mickey Mouse, but he was dead, and was bleeding miserably. Only, this scene looked like a 5 year old would animate it. Then it cut to static again. Then it cut to a picture of The Blues on a leaf with their head feathers ripped off. They were super upset, then they said, "What has the earth done to us? Without the depths of hell, we wouldn't be alive right now. Goodbye cruel world." Then they had died. Then there was more static. But this time it was silent. It was the longest thing of static on the DVD. As it was on the TV, I picked up the paper sleeve and a piece of paper fell on the floor. It looked like some strange map of bird island, but it had object show eyes and a mouth. I know you won't believe me in a million years, but the truth is, it began to talk.
"¡Hola! Soy el mapa! Si necesitas llegar a la isla de los pájaros, ¡debes cantar conmigo!" Then, it started to sing.
If there's a place you gotta go
I'm the one you need to know
I'm the Map!
I'm the Map, I'm the Map!
If there's a place you gotta get
I can get you there, I bet
I'm the Map!
I'm the Map, I'm the Map!
I'm the Map, I'm the...
"SHUT THE HELL UP!" I yelled. I went to the bathroom, and turned on the sink and submerged the map in water. It then disintegrated. To be honest, there is no reason for a map to talk. I didn't need this shitty object.
When I got back to my room, It was the last minute of that section of static. This next scene showed Red, Bomb, Chuck, Matilda, and The Blues in a blender with text saying "No more birds, or I will press blend". The birds got super angry and shattered the blender into pieces. Then there was more static with a knife chopping sound in the background. The next shot showed Peppa Pig, George, and Daddy Pig (No Mummy Pig for some reason) with Hal, Terence, Chuck, Matilda, and Red. Daddy Pig was about to land on the birds, and he actually does it. He even shattered the eggs of the birds. Then there was more static. Also, it cut to red with an ax, killing Daddy Pig in the most graphic way...
Then it cut to a realistic picture of Minion Pig but it was very scary. The audio was distorted but it said, "The Birds are not dead, but they will be dead soon. I will eat their flesh, and eventually, your ass". I cannot believe he said the word Ass.
Then it showed a clip of the episode Fix it!, an episode from Season 3 of Angry Birds Toons. It has a synopsis which says: When it comes to breaking things, Chuck is a superstar. When it comes to fixing them, results vary. But the video was very distorted and it was mirrored and it was not in the normal colors.
Then it cut to static again. It then showed the evil Minion Pig eating the birds, and then the camera. He then looked at the camera, and it looked very distorted.
Then it cut to a black screen for 2 minutes, and then the most creepiest photo I ever seen came up on the TV. It was a photo of Red, Chuck, Bomb, The Blues, and Matilda but as zombies. They stared into my soul for about a minute. It then cut to static and ended. "Okay, what the hell was that?" I asked. The notes were impossible to understand, but I think they were telling me not to watch the disc.
I then ejected the disc, recycled it and watched real angry birds. Now you're probably wondering, "What happened to the Paper Sleeve? Did you recycle that too?" Well, as for the sleeve, I decided to keep it in case I had a DVD without a case. But remember, do not watch the DVD if you find it. It will give you Nightmares. But I will still like Angry Birds, no matter what. The DVD is not in my possession anymore. Thanks to me. But, to tell the truth, if I find this DVD again, I must destroy it. No one knows about this DVD anymore thanks to me.
Well, that's the story of the lost Angry Birds DVD, a DVD I found when I arrived at the park. Do not watch this DVD, ever! Unless, you really want to. But, trust me, this DVD is bound to give you nightmares. Only watch the regular Angry Birds TV Series and Movies, and play the games as well, as they are better than that damn DVD, which made me look at Angry Birds from a different perspective, and it still pisses me off to this day. So, yeah, if you find a copy of it, Destroy it, Burn it, and Bury it.
Originally on Geoshea's Lost Episodes Wiki
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