Margret Harriet Tubatwood

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...Or in all situations, at any time, any place, and by any audience for that matter.

Once upon a time, a time so very timely that it was in fact 1996, there was a fine young lady by the name of Margret Harriet Tubatwood. II. Now Margret was a fine young woman; she would be about forty-six and three weeks in about three weeks, so that would make today her birthday, and that would make today June 31st 1996.

Margret Harriet Tubatwood was a normal woman with many normal fancies, but there were some things that made her odd. For instance, she liked to wear belly-dancer clothes and drink orange or grape soda and listen to Ke$ha music while she hacked captured people apart with a giant meat cleaver in her basement, but you aren't supposed to know that yet.

Sometimes, Margret's obsession with belly-dancing would get so intense that she would just pull her shirt up and show off her midriff like a massive slutty bitch and dance around in public showing off all her goodies, and by that I mean her bellybuttons. That's right, bellybuttons - plural. Margret was incredibly normal, except for the above things about her being a slutty bitch and drinking orange and grape soda, but the peculiar thing about Margret is that she was born twice. That's why she has two bellybuttons cuz she was born twice and she had two umbelly cords.

The first vagina from which she bursted forth belonged to her mother, Gloria Gaynor, a middle-eastern woman from the south of Canada. Technically, she murdered her own mother because Gloria couldn't get to a hospital, so she had to bust open her vagina in the middle of a blizzard outside because she also didn't have a house, so she gave birth on someone's porch, and when Margret popped out, Gloria bled to death on the icy pavement, but it was alright because her body was covered by the snow, so nobody every found her.

The second vagina belongded to SATAN!

Haha, just kidding. The second vagina belongeded to a serial killer by the name of Hellen of Try, and this serial killer didn't love Margret, so she kept her in the basement forever, but then Margret got out one day. But before she got out, Margret would be forced to do slave labor. Her mother, the crazy serial-killing ho name Hellen of Try, would take people from the nearby forest on the other side of town and try to eat them, but the people would sometimes be too tough, and she would have to just put them in her pocket and bring them home to Margret, who was locked in the basement, and have her season and tenderize them to make them more delicious and edidible. This traumatized Margret so hard that at age 21 she chose to become a slutty whore for the rest of her life, and when she escaped the basement that one day, she ran next door to Tyreese the Pimp and sold herself into the sex trade to be a big slutty bitchy bitchy slutty whore.

So Margret lived the rest of her days in whorish infamy, and the memories of those delicious but annoyingly squishy people still haunt her to this day, and when she has sex with her johns, all she can think about is all the blood from those people, and she bleds all over them, and they say

"What the hell, bitch, why you bleed all over my penis?"

And she says

"Because I'm a big slutty whore, and I killed people for my mother one time,"

and then they say

"Shut up and pop dat pussy,"

and then she does because shes a whore. So be careful when you order a prostitute because it just might be a big slutty whore who comes to your door to do sex with you, and then she might bleed on your penis and cry blood and bleed hyperrealistically all over your tiger-skin rug and penis. Margret is watching you. She's right behind you, ready to bleed all over your penis, so-

I can't finish because I died because Margret killed me, that's why it end s so abrutedly. But always remember that Margret is Margret, and that she's going to kill you by bleeding her syphillus all over your penis. If you're a woman, then she'll just bleed on your face and make you drink it, but she doesn't like women because she's a big slutty straight whore lady, so you wouldn't be a woman.

The ended

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