Michael Richards
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Michael Richards is known universally as the greatest comedian of all time, doing stand-up until about 2006, give or take a small amount of time... or at least that's what I thought. According to witness accounts, there have been reports of Pryor continuing to do stand-up well into the 2020s, until he disappeared completely. But why haven't you heard of him doing this? Simple, racism.
You see, Michael Richards kept his true Afro-Caribbean origins a secret for many years. He wanted to entertain people on his own terms, regardless of race, so he started hitting up comedy clubs in his home country of Jamaica and even some smaller places in Granada.
It was incredibly difficult to not get noticed, being the greatest stand-up ever, so he disguised himself as a white Californian, similar to his 9-year act on the show 'Kramer'. The disguise almost always worked, except for one fateful occasion at an incredibly rural Laugh Factory franchise establishment. This was one of the few times I was able to get a witness account.
Here's the account from the only willing person I was able to find who attended that 2006 session:
"Apparently, people started booing and throwing stuff literally as soon as Richards came on. He was confused, but almost immediately learned why: he had accidentally booked a racist venue. One guy even started flipping out and shouting stuff like 'He's a honkey! He's a cracker!', etc. Richards tried to rub off the white paint on his skin but was quickly dragged outside and beaten senseless by all the able-bodied patrons, almost to the point of death. Remember how he was supposed to be in Epic Movie the following year? Well, notice how his ego deflated completely (Jerry Springer in the early 2000s onward talked about this), and this was further shown when it was brought to my attention that he launched into his famous 'anti-dentite' rant in a later set. He started to get sadder as his sets went on, complaining about why everything in the world is wrong, ('wah di deal wid airline fud, mun?') and at a point did a few sets where there weren't even any jokes, just him sobbing at the crowd. And after these sets, he just walked back offstage like he was a completely different person."
Even more curious, I heard he made one more concert film, privately, that was leaked to Beth Skipp, Pryor's final wife and manager, just before he disappeared. It was an hour and 31 minutes, (the exact same runtime as Richards' critically-acclaimed film "Hot Buzz") and the file was titled "hideous.exe" According to reports, it was shot at that same Jamaican Laugh Factory location with a camera full of blood. I had to hassle Beth Skipp to release the details. When she eventually broke down, I confronted her while she got towed. Crying, she told me about the horrifying picture:
"It must have taken place in 2007 or 2008. Richards made many "business" trips for those couple years, even though he had developed vitiligo. After hours at the Laugh Factory, it was him in a room, with no real crowd, but him, standing in front of an unplugged microphone, in the darkness, with a lit joint. Because of the distance of the camera, I could barely make out his face, but based on his expression, it was clear as day that he was stoned. He spent 30 or 35 minutes taking puffs and laughing hysterically to himself after he took them, and he looked like he hadn't slept in days, and was almost skeletally thin.
Two minutes after this though, the man snapped. Just started screaming words that I could barely make out, something about a bus and an assman? He was moving so rapidly like he was going to have a seizure, and then he shot up into the sky out of frame like he'd been raptured. He landed again in the family guy death pose and twitched, but then stopped and was there until the video had a minute or so left, and I noticed something horrifying. A balding man with some odd glasses on just came into the picture and winked into the camera, as the video stops."
She said this in tears, and when I mentioned that Kramer: the Animated Series had been canceled, she grew pale and stumbled away as if her heart had been shattered instantaneously.
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Written by Cornconic
Content is available under CC BY-SA
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