Mike Matei NES: Difference between revisions
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levels. I remembered about my old NES, and proceeded to look for it. |
levels. I remembered about my old NES, and proceeded to look for it. |
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I went to my old pantry, and pulled out my NES, and my stash of |
I went to my old pantry, and pulled out my NES, and my stash of |
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games. |
games."Here, lets see, Super Mario Bros, The Legend of Zelda, |
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Blaster Master, oh man which one,” I said to myself. I was going to |
Blaster Master, oh man which one,” I said to myself. I was going to |
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play some good old Action 52, my all time favorite game, but then the |
play some good old Action 52, my all time favorite game, but then the |
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. |
. "Um I wish we could have |
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arranged a date to meet, but I remembered you liked NES stuff, so |
arranged a date to meet, but I remembered you liked NES stuff, so |
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here's a little gift,” He handed me a small wrapped present. |
here's a little gift,” He handed me a small wrapped present. "I'm |
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really sorry, I'm quite busy at the moment. I'll see you later,” |
really sorry, I'm quite busy at the moment. I'll see you later,” |
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Alfred ran off. I opened up the small, gift- wrapped item, and it was |
Alfred ran off. I opened up the small, gift- wrapped item, and it was |
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couldn't have been made in the NES times. The title of the game was |
couldn't have been made in the NES times. The title of the game was |
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Mike Matei. It had a picture of Mike smiling, with the Nintendo seal |
Mike Matei. It had a picture of Mike smiling, with the Nintendo seal |
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of approval on the bottem with the words |
of approval on the bottem with the words "only for NES”. |
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what an entire game centered around Mike Matei would be about. I |
what an entire game centered around Mike Matei would be about. I |
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popped it in the NES, and the title screen came up. It said in big |
popped it in the NES, and the title screen came up. It said in big |
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letters |
letters "MIKE MATEI Press start to yank your balls” I laughed at |
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this title screen, since Mike Matei is famous for making sex jokes. |
this title screen, since Mike Matei is famous for making sex jokes. |
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The strange thing is, when I pressed start, I could feel my hand |
The strange thing is, when I pressed start, I could feel my hand |
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was a large 4 armed demon. I easily defeated it after upgrading |
was a large 4 armed demon. I easily defeated it after upgrading |
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myself using power ups to shoot green dicks. After he was going to |
myself using power ups to shoot green dicks. After he was going to |
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die, it said something: |
die, it said something: "There's,” And that's all it said before |
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it died. I was curious to know what else it was going to say. Mike |
it died. I was curious to know what else it was going to say. Mike |
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was then elevated to the sky by a mysterious red beam of light. |
was then elevated to the sky by a mysterious red beam of light. |
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odd, since it was a game about fighting demons after all. Then Mike |
odd, since it was a game about fighting demons after all. Then Mike |
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started to jump on the clouds like trampolines, and continued to slay |
started to jump on the clouds like trampolines, and continued to slay |
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demons. Then a new character came out. It was the AVGN! |
demons. Then a new character came out. It was the AVGN! "TAKE THIS |
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YOU MOTHER FUCKIN' MOTHER FUCKER MIKE!” The AVGN told Mike as he |
YOU MOTHER FUCKIN' MOTHER FUCKER MIKE!” The AVGN told Mike as he |
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game him a power up. This time, it was armour....MADE OF DICKS! But I |
game him a power up. This time, it was armour....MADE OF DICKS! But I |
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demon had a massive penis! He tried to hit Mike with it, but I was |
demon had a massive penis! He tried to hit Mike with it, but I was |
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too quick for that mother fucker! I charged up my male genital ray, |
too quick for that mother fucker! I charged up my male genital ray, |
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and blew his penis right off! |
and blew his penis right off! "There's....no....” the demon said |
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similarily to the last demon boss. |
similarily to the last demon boss. "There's no what?” I thought |
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to myself. I knew now that there was gonna be a message. I had to |
to myself. I knew now that there was gonna be a message. I had to |
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know this message now that I'd gotten this far. Then it went to a |
know this message now that I'd gotten this far. Then it went to a |
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well. It was a cutscene of Mike approaching a big scary looking |
well. It was a cutscene of Mike approaching a big scary looking |
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demon. Before he was going to obliterate it though, JAMES BUSTED OUT |
demon. Before he was going to obliterate it though, JAMES BUSTED OUT |
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OF ITS CHEST AND SLAYED IT!!! |
OF ITS CHEST AND SLAYED IT!!! "STOP GRABBING MY BALLS!” James |
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said as he handed Mike a red gun. |
said as he handed Mike a red gun. "Who's the mother fucker now |
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mother fucker,” James said as he and Mike went down the hall to |
mother fucker,” James said as he and Mike went down the hall to |
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fight more demons. I was pleasently surprised to find that red guns, |
fight more demons. I was pleasently surprised to find that red guns, |
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were actually from Crossfire! |
were actually from Crossfire! "YEAH CROSSFIRE MOTHER FUCKERS!” I |
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yelled at the T.V. |
yelled at the T.V. |
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fight! This time, it was a large, dinosaur like demon. This boss was |
fight! This time, it was a large, dinosaur like demon. This boss was |
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much much MUUUUUUUUUCH more different from the last bosses though, |
much much MUUUUUUUUUCH more different from the last bosses though, |
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since this one spoke to me! |
since this one spoke to me! "I'M GOING TO YANK ON YOUR BALLS NOW |
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MOTHERFUCKER!” It shouted at me.I was able to re gain control of my |
MOTHERFUCKER!” It shouted at me.I was able to re gain control of my |
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hand, and started to kick its ass now! It sure was hard, since he was |
hand, and started to kick its ass now! It sure was hard, since he was |
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been penetrated! I found that the secret was to jump on his tounge |
been penetrated! I found that the secret was to jump on his tounge |
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when he lunged out to french me and James, and I launched the dicks |
when he lunged out to french me and James, and I launched the dicks |
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into its mouth. |
into its mouth. "THAT'S IT! LETS SEE HOW YOU LIKE DICKS IN YOUR |
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MOUTH!” It spoke to me! |
MOUTH!” It spoke to me! |
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[[File:Mike Matei NES screenshot.jpg|thumb|220x220px|A GENUINE SCREEN SHOT OF THE FINAL BATTLE!!!!!!]] |
[[File:Mike Matei NES screenshot.jpg|thumb|220x220px|A GENUINE SCREEN SHOT OF THE FINAL BATTLE!!!!!!]] |
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Suddenly, my hand started |
Suddenly, my hand started |
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moving on its own! It went straight for my genetelia! |
moving on its own! It went straight for my genetelia! |
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"AAAAAAAAARRRRRGH!” I yelped as my hand procceeded to squeeze on |
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my balls! |
my balls! "TRY AND BEAT ME NOW AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!” The demon |
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boss mocked me. I felt my head swing down unnaturally to my crotch |
boss mocked me. I felt my head swing down unnaturally to my crotch |
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area now! I had to beat him before he made me give myself auto |
area now! I had to beat him before he made me give myself auto |
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felatio! |
felatio! |
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"C'MON MIKE! SHOVE IT DOWN |
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HIS TURBO TUNNEL NOW!” James' text bubble read out. Out of nowhere, |
HIS TURBO TUNNEL NOW!” James' text bubble read out. Out of nowhere, |
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AVGN pulled something out of his pants! I was releived that it wasn't |
AVGN pulled something out of his pants! I was releived that it wasn't |
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After he had swallolled that |
After he had swallolled that |
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dick like the champ he was, he exploded into BLOOD AND GUTS |
dick like the champ he was, he exploded into BLOOD AND GUTS |
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EVERYWHERE! |
EVERYWHERE! "There's..... no.......” The demon muttered. I was |
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ready to find out the final part of the message! I was dissapointed |
ready to find out the final part of the message! I was dissapointed |
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though, to find out that it was only scratches. Then the two sprites |
though, to find out that it was only scratches. Then the two sprites |
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went back up to the surface, to see that everything was back to |
went back up to the surface, to see that everything was back to |
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normal now. |
normal now. "CONGLATURATION! YOU'RE WINNER!” Was the ending |
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screen showed up before returning to the title screen. Luckily, I was |
screen showed up before returning to the title screen. Luckily, I was |
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able to break free right after my underpants were ripped off, before |
able to break free right after my underpants were ripped off, before |
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"Wow, well that was a |
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shitty ending,” I said to myself as I turned off my NES, and |
shitty ending,” I said to myself as I turned off my NES, and |
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burried the game cartridge. |
burried the game cartridge. "Well now, I need to take a shit,” I |
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murmured to myself. I made my way to the bathroom. I then sat down, |
murmured to myself. I made my way to the bathroom. I then sat down, |
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and took my dumps. I was then mortified, and was sweating all over |
and took my dumps. I was then mortified, and was sweating all over |
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[[File:Toiletpaperroll.jpg|thumb|220x220px|This is the destroyer of worlds right here.]] |
[[File:Toiletpaperroll.jpg|thumb|220x220px|This is the destroyer of worlds right here.]] |
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"There's......no......toilet paper......” |
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For the sequel, click [http://trollpasta.wikia.com/wiki/Mike_Matei_NES_2?venotify=created Here] |
For the sequel, click [http://trollpasta.wikia.com/wiki/Mike_Matei_NES_2?venotify=created Here] |