Minecraft AI Conspiracy: Difference between revisions

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On January 18<sup>th</sup> 2015 I was watching anime on some shitty site that I will not name here. The anime was called Junjou Romantica. It Is The Best Anime EvArZzZz! (Even for a male like me). It was half way through one episode where Usame was banging Misaki when I decided "Fuck this, I'm getting bored!" and cloed mai browser. Teh browser I uz iz Torch it iz teh beast browser EVAAAAAAAARZ! My mother heard me and shouted:
On January 18<sup>th</sup> 2015 I was watching anime on some shitty site that I will not name here. The anime was called Junjou Romantica. It Is The Best Anime EvArZzZz! (Even for a male like me). It was half way through one episode where Usame was banging Misaki when I decided "Fuck this, I'm getting bored!" and cloed mai browser. Teh browser I uz iz Torch it iz teh beast browser EVAAAAAAAARZ! My mother heard me and shouted:


"Bonsai, Buddy don't use language like that you prick!" Yes, my name is Bonsai. Dill wit it. My mum always called me ‘Buddy' after saying my first name. Although I never knew why. Probably a reference to some shitty software that everyone used back in nineteen-nighty whatever.  Yes I am from UK. DON'T FOOKIN' ASK M8!
"Bonsai, Buddy don't use language like that you prick!" Yes, my name is Bonsai. Dill wit it. My mum always called me 'Buddy' after saying my first name. Although I never knew why. Probably a reference to some shitty software that everyone used back in nineteen-nighty whatever.  Yes I am from UK. DON'T FOOKIN' ASK M8!


My dad walked into his office. (I don't know what any of this has to do with the events of the story, but I'll tell you it all anyway, it develops characters that are never going to appear again in the story, EVER.) He walked into his office and opened up his Windows 98 with Internet Explorer laptop. I still had no idea why he didn't upgrade. Well, not yet anyway.
My dad walked into his office. (I don't know what any of this has to do with the events of the story, but I'll tell you it all anyway, it develops characters that are never going to appear again in the story, EVER.) He walked into his office and opened up his Windows 98 with Internet Explorer laptop. I still had no idea why he didn't upgrade. Well, not yet anyway.
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Wait wut? ADDED H-H-H-H-HEROBRINE!?
Wait wut? ADDED H-H-H-H-HEROBRINE!?


This concept was unfathomable to my brain, and still is. My life flashed before my eyes. I managed to pull myself together and call it bullshit. I clicked the grey ‘play' button at the bottom and the update was installed in 314159 Minutes. Approximately 5235 hours meaning approximately 218 days, meaning I was 13 by this peoint, MEANING I spent more than half a year wating for the update to install. So, was it worth it?
This concept was unfathomable to my brain, and still is. My life flashed before my eyes. I managed to pull myself together and call it bullshit. I clicked the grey 'play' button at the bottom and the update was installed in 314159 Minutes. Approximately 5235 hours meaning approximately 218 days, meaning I was 13 by this peoint, MEANING I spent more than half a year wating for the update to install. So, was it worth it?


Fook yus!
Fook yus!
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When the game finally loaded, I accidentally clicked on 'multiplayer' I didn't meant to, but in doing this, I made a miraculous discovery. There was a server named:
When the game finally loaded, I accidentally clicked on 'multiplayer' I didn't meant to, but in doing this, I made a miraculous discovery. There was a server named:


‘Irxu Wzhqwb Dlchq IJW X ZRW PHLJKW?'
'Irxu Wzhqwb Dlchq IJW X ZRW PHLJKW?'


Wow, these game developers must have had their fair share of Caesar salad. (Or maybe they were just really fucking high, I don't know.)
Wow, these game developers must have had their fair share of Caesar salad. (Or maybe they were just really fucking high, I don't know.)
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"DaEtOn LiKeS CoK."
"DaEtOn LiKeS CoK."


So, who was this mysterious ‘Daeton'? How I wish I was never to find out.
So, who was this mysterious 'Daeton'? How I wish I was never to find out.


I should mention at this point the graphics were EXTREMELY realistic. Almost HYPER realistic. Were Microsoft turning this game into an MMO? Who is Daeton? FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON DRAGON BALL Z!
I should mention at this point the graphics were EXTREMELY realistic. Almost HYPER realistic. Were Microsoft turning this game into an MMO? Who is Daeton? FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON DRAGON BALL Z!
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No, this SRS BSNS! I can't joke about the cause of the zombie apocalypse as a bunch of butthurt idiots would probably kill me for making a crappy joke about it.
No, this SRS BSNS! I can't joke about the cause of the zombie apocalypse as a bunch of butthurt idiots would probably kill me for making a crappy joke about it.


I clicked on the server and went on it. The two other players online were ‘Shitlord_VII' and ‘TwilightFan69' Twilight is fucking gay, why is this idiot on here? I saw that my character model was an actual human! It seemed rather out of place in the blocky world, but I didn't care, this game was already in the shitter anyway. I walked out, and saw Shrek just standing there…
I clicked on the server and went on it. The two other players online were 'Shitlord_VII' and 'TwilightFan69' Twilight is fucking gay, why is this idiot on here? I saw that my character model was an actual human! It seemed rather out of place in the blocky world, but I didn't care, this game was already in the shitter anyway. I walked out, and saw Shrek just standing there…


Then it all came back to me, the events of the Autumn of 11 came flooding back to me.
Then it all came back to me, the events of the Autumn of 11 came flooding back to me.


''‘Shrek is love, Shrek is life.''' I went down to kneel in front of Shrek.
'''Shrek is love, Shrek is life.''' I went down to kneel in front of Shrek.


BUT WAIT.
BUT WAIT.
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But then, something happened that turned my shit in to putrid diarrhoea.
But then, something happened that turned my shit in to putrid diarrhoea.


‘Madara_Uchiha joined the server?'
'Madara_Uchiha joined the server?'


WHAAAAAAAAT?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!!?11//1/11//11/1//1/11/
WHAAAAAAAAT?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!!?11//1/11//11/1//1/11/
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Contract
Contract


Somehow all these events were connected with this ‘Minecrack 4.2.0' update. What was the truth to the ‘Minecraft AI Conspiracy?'
Somehow all these events were connected with this 'Minecrack 4.2.0' update. What was the truth to the 'Minecraft AI Conspiracy?'


Was Usame from Junjou Romantica connected with this?
Was Usame from Junjou Romantica connected with this?
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The title of the video was:
The title of the video was:


‘DAETON LIKES COK'
'DAETON LIKES COK'


Everything was finally answered in this video, this one second video that changed me in so many ways, physically, mentally, spiritually, and even, sexually. It felt like I had just had the greatest sex ever. (I kno wut havin' smex fels lieek kuz even at dis age, I'd banged aboot twenty eight bichs.) Those wondrous words were whispered into my ear, and I woke up.
Everything was finally answered in this video, this one second video that changed me in so many ways, physically, mentally, spiritually, and even, sexually. It felt like I had just had the greatest sex ever. (I kno wut havin' smex fels lieek kuz even at dis age, I'd banged aboot twenty eight bichs.) Those wondrous words were whispered into my ear, and I woke up.
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She answered with:
She answered with:


‘GET THE FOOK BAK 2 SKEWL' I ran out the door and realised that that that had all been an elaborate illusion. Did Aizen use his bankai on me? I went to school, and we had a new student. His name was Bill Cipher. He sat next to me, he wore a pirate eyepatch, and to be honest, he waz probz ghey, in fact that was confirmed in our confrontation of fate at break tiem.
'GET THE FOOK BAK 2 SKEWL' I ran out the door and realised that that that had all been an elaborate illusion. Did Aizen use his bankai on me? I went to school, and we had a new student. His name was Bill Cipher. He sat next to me, he wore a pirate eyepatch, and to be honest, he waz probz ghey, in fact that was confirmed in our confrontation of fate at break tiem.


"Watch the video…" He whispered to me, his warm breath, a nice difference to the cold air giving me the wierdist boner. Yup, he was DEFINITELY gay. It TOTALLY was not me who was gay, TOTALLY NOT.
"Watch the video…" He whispered to me, his warm breath, a nice difference to the cold air giving me the wierdist boner. Yup, he was DEFINITELY gay. It TOTALLY was not me who was gay, TOTALLY NOT.
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"I am a figment of teenage girl who had just seen Justin Bieber. Then Herobrine spoke.
"I am a figment of teenage girl who had just seen Justin Bieber. Then Herobrine spoke.


"I am a figment of your imagination, Bill Ciates drugged your tea. You must save Minecraft and mah bae Steev" I just KNEW those two had a thing, KNEW. It was then that I felt a twinge of pride at the fanfiction I had writer aboot Herobrine x Steve. It was also at that moment, I realised my true purpose, it was to save the world of some online game everyone will forget about in a few years time. But I just HAD to do  it, for Herobrine, for SkyDoesMinecraft, for Steev, for PoopLooser69, for Gaylord_Steambath. For EVERYONE. Just like in dat song from Belch wer Ichigo Kurosaki gets called a ‘queen' I felt like the brightest star for all to see.
"I am a figment of your imagination, Bill Ciates drugged your tea. You must save Minecraft and mah bae Steev" I just KNEW those two had a thing, KNEW. It was then that I felt a twinge of pride at the fanfiction I had writer aboot Herobrine x Steve. It was also at that moment, I realised my true purpose, it was to save the world of some online game everyone will forget about in a few years time. But I just HAD to do  it, for Herobrine, for SkyDoesMinecraft, for Steev, for PoopLooser69, for Gaylord_Steambath. For EVERYONE. Just like in dat song from Belch wer Ichigo Kurosaki gets called a 'queen' I felt like the brightest star for all to see.


I woke up, I was no longer in my house, I was outside a craply build green pyramid.
I woke up, I was no longer in my house, I was outside a craply build green pyramid.
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"OMFG Schnoop! Iz da weedz on da sho realz?" Madara asked. My eyes met snoops, my eyes seemed to zoom in on his face as saddening yet epic music played. About 10 seconds later, he simply explained:
"OMFG Schnoop! Iz da weedz on da sho realz?" Madara asked. My eyes met snoops, my eyes seemed to zoom in on his face as saddening yet epic music played. About 10 seconds later, he simply explained:


‘No!' and laughed so hard.
'No!' and laughed so hard.


He the shot a lazer from his mouth and managed to krill
He the shot a lazer from his mouth and managed to krill
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