My Internal Fear

It's not the fear of the creeping panic disorder, that can show up at anytime, that really terrifies me, nor is it the self-destructiveness, or the aftermath that is my scars, that I truly worry about...

No, what I truly fear, what I truly worry about, is the combination of the eerie voices in my head, that are always there, at the back of my head, haunting my thoughts and dreams, terrorizing me to the extreme, and the OCD, the cursed rituals that have bent my will and forced me into a state of constant horror of what will happen if I do not succumb to these rituals...

Also, the beast that we know as Paranoia, that's always tugging at my mind, always forcing my mind in to a state of wonder, into a thought pattern, like a cobweb, of catastrophic thoughts of what will happen if I'm not obedient.

But the worst of all, the beast that I fear the most, is myself!

Alas, I am the host for these wicked thoughts and problems, and their companions pressure, stress and threat, does not help.

Will I win the battle, and walk free, no longer bound to the restriction of the medical depression-killers and awful thoughts?

Or will I lose the battle, wind up at the psychiatric wars for three days and nights, and be a prisoner in the open world, bound to forever stay this way, slowly rotting away the little positive things I still have in my life?

Tell me, please, is it my fault, did I bring this on myself, is there an escape, or is it just bad luck that I, of all people, was cursed with all this?

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Credited to TayTay94
Originally uploaded on December 9, 2012

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