Nindeadogs: A Parody
One day, I decided to purchase an unopened copy of Nintendogs: Lab & Friends off Ebay. My old copy was lost, and I couldn't find any at any game retailors. It arrived within a week, and I found myself excitedly tearing off the plastic as soon as I walked in the door. I popped the card into my DS and started it up, anxious for some adorable virtual puppies. A black screen came up, with these words on it: Nintendead is not responsible for any injuries, illnesses, or deaths that may occur due to the usage of this software, Nintendead would also- YOUWILLDIEHORRIBLYWEWILLRIPYOUTOSHREDSYOUWILLDIE- like to state that attempting to make any- SCREAMSASWEDEVOURYOURSOUL- illegal copies of this disc is, well, illegal.
It continued to a clip where a chorus of tortured screams blared from the speakers as real footage of animals being eviscerated played. I happily continued to the kennels, where dead, mutilated puppies were strung around the ground. Blood was splattered across the grass, and a lone puppy sat facing away on the other side of the yard, black and mysterious. My joy turned to horror as I realised that the music started a second after it should have. I threw the DS across the room and shrieked for fifteen minutes before I summoned the courage to start playing again.
There were no text boxes. I tapped the surviving puppy, and suddenly it reared its head around sharply, revealing razor-sharp jaws and hyperrealistic eyes of flame. Its description revealed that its breed was Hellhound. I selected 'Choose this one', and it instantly switched to my home, except it wasn't my home, as it was tattered and wrecked and in a state of horrible disrepair. Beams were dislodged and hung slightly over the floor, and glass was smashed across the ground. Hellhound stood staring at me, and only then did I realize that something might be wrong with this cartridge. I brought it on a walk, where it was chaotic, tearing up everything in sight. We came onto a stray puppy peacefully sniffing a patch of grass, and Hellhound dashed toward it. Before the puppy knew it, Hellhound had bit down on it and had begun to swing its head against the wall. It yelped in pain after each successive smash, but made no effort to fight back. Its crys became weaker and quieter, and Hellhound dropped it, letting it slump down the wall. Blood trickled from where Hellhound had bitten.
"Bad dog!" I exclaimed, and Hellhound jerked toward me. He bounded towards to screen baring its fangs, and then suddenly I felt a sharp jolt in my stomach and found myself lying on my back, the hellhound arched on top me, snarling inches from my face. I made the mistake of yelling at it to get off, which only seemed to anger it more. I could see the depths of hell in its eyes, all the tortured souls reaching out for help that would never come. They were huddled in groups of four and five in pools of lava, moaning as their skin boiled and bubbled. In the distance I could see thick smoke and towers of brimstone. A huge figure sat on one the pillars, taking frenzied delight in this horrific scene. Hellhound raised his head and howled, then opened his jaws and plunged them into my neck. I jerked and twitched spasmically as it ravenously devoured my throat, relishing the blood that splurted up and poured in rivulets down onto the carpet. My vision was shrouded in pulsing grey, which saved me from watching the eldritch creature kill me. I managed a feeble cry. "There are.. dog treats in the... cupboard.". The pain slowly began to fade as a weight vanished from my chest, and I heard paws fading into the distance. I heard chewing, and I felt a presence in the room with me. "Well done, you have fed me, let your soul rest in peace." It vaished. My muscles relaxed, and I spent my final moments peaceful, knowing that I was saved from eternal damnation. THEN WHO WAS PHONE?!
Credited to Imaginator101
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