OK KO! Let's Be Heroes! The Lost Episode!
Hi there. My name is Johnny. You don't remember me too much--I mean, cause you hardly even knew me; but that's because you're nothing more than just a dead stranger to me. But hey, I don't have any friends, I've been an asshole all my life since my life has been a complete lie and I'm ready to die. Over 10 years ago, I studied in Oxnard University just to get a degree as an English teacher at Fresh Prince High School for two years (which, let me tell you--it honestly seemed like forever to me, since kids tortured me and false accused me for wearing Digimon underpants in class during fourth period). Now, what did change my life for the better wasn't affording money for therapy, it was actually the Cartoon Network animated series, O.K. KO Let's Be Heroes. Currently airing on Cartoon Network; as I am writing this out; it is my absolute favorite show as it's a joyous blend of comedy, action, slice-of-life, and some references to video games and anime that kids who were around in the 80s, 90s, and 2000s remember. But that's enough about me. Here's what actually happened to me the other day. That one fateful day that want me to stop watching O.K. KO ever again...
I, as a piece of lard, was trying to jog to the dumps just to find the perfect birthday gift on that one fine day--just for myself; like I said, nobody likes Johnny. But yet lo and behold--I happen to found a VHS tape written in bold-red size-12 Helvetica font--column one written as; "O.K. KO! Let's Be Heroes! The Lost Episode!" and column two as; "Watch this never-before-seen Cartoon Network episode, then destroy it, and return it to its maker, Ian J.Q. :)" With a crooked smiling emoji plastered and sandwiched between each column. I assume the J.Q. in his name stood for Ian Jones-Quartey, the creator and master genius behind O.K. KO. ...vs. the world. vs. propane. I questioned myself as to why this episode was made exclusively for VHS given that bigger studios stopped releasing products on that format after March 2006 given stuff like DVD, Blu-Ray, Netflix, Hulu, Amazon, Ultraviolet, YouTube, Apple, etc., etc.--whatever. I ran like Goku, Deku, One Punch Man, Joseph Joestar, The Flash, Sportacus, Quicksilver, Ned Flanders, Sonic the Hedgehog, and Shrek (from the original Xbox premium title game exclusive based off the critically acclaimed meme-machine titular film) to my low-rent apartment to set up the co-ax cables (insert bigfoot reference here--we are the lizards), I put the tape in the VCR (secret decoder ring), turned on to channel 3, grabbed my Baja Blast Mountain Dew (straight outta Taco Bell may I add) and I pushed play.
The episode begins with a title card and already the mood of the episode had a sudden whiplash beginning with the title, "Bipolar KO." The aforementioned title card was in black-in-white as the black and white background was supposed to be set in one of the show's main settings; Lakewood Plaza Turbo, albeit on a stormy, foggy night. The screen cut to pitch black only to start back up a couple seconds later as it cuts to a scene taken place at a Neo Rama Game Center with the lights flickering and--well, what I could hear piano playing that sounded like it was some midi file taken from an old 1995 website nobody has heard of until I mentioned it here; and I could see one of KO's friends; Radicals; having one of his legs tied up on a rope while KO's subconscious Turbo KO and the four other clones of himself circle up the Dance of Death--which by itself replicates the ending scene from The Seventh Seal. "KO... why?" Radicals worriedly muttered, "...just why? All I wanted... was a slice. ...of that pizza... and you gave me this in return?" Now without going into detail, the writers for some strange bizarre reason added a new subconscious without a hint or mention which is known as Laugh Hysterically KO. I was shocked that not only did the writing of the episode got lazy as hell, but KO's laugh got delightfully devilish. Kinda like that one time I tried to write that one Steamed Hams creepypasta... but that's all lost. Feels bad man. Anyway, it got louder and louder; but then Rad woke up as if this was some kind of nightmare. A lazily written nightmare of a cliche. But at least the episode is finally back in color. "KO!" Rad yelled as he ran towards KO. "You gotta help me. I had that mind-boggling dream again!" KO asks, "What seems to be the trouble, Rad?" I mean, okay fine, the episode is normal so far, I sighed in relief that everything in the episode played out normally and all, the episode began with something a horrifying avant-garde dream, which correlates to the plot of the episode that so far seems fine--up until that point, and this is where I started to get flaccid and change my new pair of briefs.
In the middle of the conversation, Radicals interrupted KO by looking at his watch in both shock and excitement yelling, "KO, it's that goddamn time! The new goddamn video game is on sale right goddamn now!" Holy fucking shit, I was kinda petrified that Rad here cursed in a kids show more than someone cursing in my Roblox Christian server--to top it off, it sounded like the original voice actor was clipping the mic when screaming in utter excitement hence why he yelled "goddamn" so much, but thankfully the word, "goddamn" is bleeped, so I sighed in relief once again. ...Good god I get triggered by the littlest things a lot of times. The scene cuts to the Gar's Hero Supply & Bodega only to look rundown as I inspected a few instances of either injured/wounded people by the bullet or decaying carcasses lying on the floor (the carcasses of Lord Boxman, Carol, Fish Dude, Cookie Man, Mr. Gar, and Mad Sam) assuming as if there was a mass shooting; maybe assuming that this is an 11-minute PSA liberal fedora-tipping brainwashing propaganda fake news bullshit addressing that guns kill and they should be banned... in a kids show nonetheless. Damnit! I also assume things too easily as well! So, Rads was walking in the mall whistling joyously like nothing happened; as if all the hysteria happened in the background wasn't even real. By the time Radicals walked inside the mall, however; ohh boy it gotta little fearful here--KO suddenly popped out of nowhere graffiting "RADS WUZ HERE" accompanied by a gigantic swastika at the top right--all in yellowish/outline-neon pink comic sans! KO points at him making his usual laugh; but it's shown laughing sinisterly and loudly while pointing at Radicals. KO floats away like some kind of cheap lazy off-model animation outsourced from a worn out, much cheaper animation studio... assuming to cut cost, or business practice--yeah... I need to stop thinking too much. ...I have a serious case of deja vu. ...weird, is it not? We all remember the 1997 series King of the Hill.
Rads walks to see Dendy; KO's best friend; who seemed to be lying on the floor with his bloody wounded carcass opened in full hyper-realistic detail that even flies flew out and cockroaches crawled out of Dendy's opened dead body. Oh yeah I was in complete awe that not only was she horrifying looking, but the animators actually took this much effort and time to draw this type of caricature, this type of realism in an animated cartoon; these animators and artists are swimming with a pool of paychecks! ...but nevertheless what the fuck?!? I spat out my Baja Blast Mountain Dew in a comedic take when I first saw this unveiled. "Who animated this?! Who was responsible for this?!" Rads yelled as he looked at the camera as someway, somehow he was trying to break the fourth wall and trying to be meta. Wait, he can read thoughts in my mind? ...not my ex-girlfriend, may I add. Sounds of KO could be heard in the background. An amazing crystal-clear reverb sound effect to his evil laughter was heard as if he was powered by Dolby Laboratories. Who knew being in Lakewood Plaza Turbo, you would also enjoy a movie in their theatre with stereophonic Dolby surround sound with IMAX screens (doesn't come with moviepass) and their lobby includes fresh food such as Orville Redenbacher butter popcorn and nacho-crusted tacos from Taco Bell (including their Mountain Dew Baja Blast soda). But wait, why is this episode interrupting itself with their fictional movie theatre that doesn't exist in real life with real life product placements included? And this advertisement even shows my Baja Blast-- wait a minute... this is not right. They videotaped me buying the Baja Blast soda and put this on tape before the episode could even air on Cartoon Network, and yet I found the tape?!? Although I continued watching just out of curiosity, just to see what the fuss is all about.
Rads walks to the Enid's house and discovers her head having to be decapitated. KO's shadow can be seen in the background holding her head as if he was trying to use her head as a puppet as he does a terrible, out-of-character, impression of Enid, "Hi kids! My name is Enid, and I like to do some kung-fu fighting, despite that I shouldn't do kung-fu fighting nor should I even celebrate Chinese culture cause the Chinese like to censor our entertainment and our government and also like to bootleg our own products to sell some merchandising from the black market." Goddamnit, here we go again with the political messages! This is supposed to be a kids show, it's supposed to escape from reality and supposed to be more on the entertainment side. ...well, I guess I was wrong. "That's not funny, KO!" Rads yelled. The colors slowly fades while Radicals was seen with veins popping and he was seen unusually panicky and his heart skipped some beats and some change. He suddenly appeared in KO's house--Enid's house suddenly turned into KO's house as if there was some animation error in the making. In addition, he was trapped in a bear claw trap in a similar style to many death traps used in the Saw movies. And speaking of, KO's subconscious; Turbo KO was on a tricycle. The other victims (which are Enid, Carol, Lord Boxman, Dendy, Mr. Gar, Mad Sam, Cookie Man, and Fish Man) were hung T-posing on the wall. "OK KO! No, what is your goddamn problem?!" I was shocked that someone forgot to bleep that one out this time around. "I mean what, Radical? Was it because you wanted that overrated video game on sale?" KO replied, "I'm afraid it's been recalled, as with your life." His laugh got louder as his subconscious got bigger and he tortuously pulled Rads' left leg with him hyper-realistically screaming for his life that I swore that it wasn't improve whatsoever. Holy shit, I was this close to shutting the tape off, I was so shit-your-pants scared by this nightmare put on this VHS tape that somehow is about to be put on the airwaves. But it was until I noticed that things were going to get worse...
Inside Turbo KO's brain was a copy WarioWare for the Nintendo Switch featuring Waluigi's TacoStand as this is yet another cross-promotional tie-in. He pulls out the game and violently takes a dump on it animal style the same way I would see Angry Video Game Nerd do so in some of his episodes of his program. I was nauseous, I stopped the tape just to take a dump myself, then take a cold shower for an hour just drown some memories, and the next day I made an appointment for same-day psychiatric therapy in regards to the tape, in which the therapist told me to continue on with the tape. Also, there were no charges for that session. I got back home, and I noticed... somebody touched my Baja Blast! I was petrified, but it led me to the sticky note that somebody plastered on my drink. I mean, it was generous of that someone after all, I guess. ...thank you?
The note read,
"Dearest Johnny,
In case you haven't noticed from your drink I sipped 22 times
(and counting wink wink)
RADZ WUZN'T HERE.
KO WUZ HERE.Love you,
KO. 👌P.S. Continue this tape, and find out the madness.
Cause despite all the rage, I am still just a rat in a cage."
...And thus, I continued the tape, like a complete cigarette I am.
So by that point, Rads was disgusted by that awful smell of the shit Turbo KO took on the game, which may I add, was so hyper-realistic, I had a fishy feeling that the episode was made in Smell-O-Vision as I can smell the fecal matter. Gross! Turbo pointed at Radicals while drinking the half-empty Baja Blast soda by mocking him. But that's my Baja Blast! I knew it, he was behind it all this time! He threatened him with a violent command, "You have only 10 seconds to get out of this bear trap to grab your precious game wanted or else I will get bigger and you will die!" While speaking, KO's voice slowly became more demonic, plus we get to see KO's TV show footage of the 9/11 attacks in intersperse seconds! A naked man that looked awfully like Rick Sanchez was seen playing accordion horribly while dancing to a 2-second loop of Swiss polka music circling and randomly singingly screaming, "Somebody grab zee chainsaw!" I remembered that I have to watch the rest of the tape to find out more clues. "Remember Radicals," Turbo KO demonically yelled, "you have 10 seconds. And now, I'm counting." Rads tries hard to figure out how to get out of this bear trap during the countdown, as Turbo starts his countdown as he becomes bigger and bigger. "10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2..." before he could get to one, he transforms into Laugh Hysterically KO and I can hear demonic laughter coming from outside. Though I did chuckle a wee-bit that during the transformation scene, the they used some cheap CG and it looked like it was done in the early-to-mid-2000s via Softimage XSI by a college student of some kind, and yet somehow it was put on this show with no given credit whatsoever. What thieves!
But no, I heard the laughs from outside, that I can even see him fly up the sky, then pivot towards me as I freaked out! I tried to run to the Umbrella Corp. toy phone and dialed the police, but by the time I tried doing so, I was hit by a spark. A laughing gas. A subconscious. A coma.
So then I woke up and I somehow was trapped inside a place called Neo Rama Game Center in which I came to the conclusion that Lakewood Plaza Turbo is real. KO was standing there, in front of me, smiling sinisterly. He was eating Orville Redenbacher popcorn and was drinking more Mountain Dew Baja Blast from Taco Bell. He has the tape that I viewed as of recent, and he threw it in the trash. "Remember," he said, "always recycle." I get why I found it at the dumps. Because it was covered in his shit, and I even touched his shit. Well, at least I washed my hands in between. He then smeared the WarioWare game in my face and I was in tears. I sobbed like a some anime schoolgirl in tears. Lesson learned kids, if you want to find something in the dumps, you won't find something amazing or interesting; but rather something insidious beyond any reasonable measure.
THE END.
Credited to TVBCrap
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