POTATO
Once apron a dime, I was sitting in school. My friend, Gerald, was chewing on his iPod. The girl in the desk in front of me was cutting her hair.
Gerald and I have had so many memories together. For example, one time his cow got its head stuck in a plastic patio chair. Gerald thought the cow was very intelligent, so he stuck his head in his mother's chair that was sitting on the porch.
Ah...memories.
Yep, this is a normal day at my school.
The bell rang and I went out of the room, through the hallways and up the stairs. Something seemed odd though, nobody was going upstairs.
Then I turned around and saw the creepiest old moron standing there.
"MY NAME IS ALBERTO DE STALKER!" Said the man cheerfully.
"Uh...hi" I said.
Alberto pulled out a cardboard cutout of Miley Cyrus. "AND THIS IS MAH DOG, OLD LICKER".
I started go back away, "Um...okay?"
Alberto grabbed my arm, "NOW WHERE YOU THINK YOU GOIN'?"
My heart started to race, "T-To class".
"There is no class" Said Alberto.
I quickly slapped Alberto and ran down the stairs, through the lunchroom, and into the computer room.
Everybody really WAS gone. Nobody was at school. Where the hell am I?
Alberto started screeching like a retarded horse.
I covered my ears as the piercing screech echoed throughout the halls. Then I fell over and cracked my head. Alberto was standing over me.
Alberto had a pistol and a McDonald's bag in his hand.
"AMERICAAAAAA!!!" He screeched, shooting his pistol at the rows of computers.
I slap the McDonald's bag out of his hand. A Chicken McNugget crawls out like a little animal.
I think I'm dreaming...am I dreaming? No...this isn't a dream
Then I see him, GERALD! Gerald takes the pistol away from Alberto, and snaps it in half.
Then Alberto kicks him in the dick, causing Gerald to fall over in pain.
Alberto then proceeds to take the broken gun and stab him in the dick.
Poor Gerald's dick.
Then I notice cardboard cutouts of Miley Cyrus...they're taped everywhere in the room. On the windows, on the ceiling, on the chairs.
SO...MUCH...FUCKING...MILEY...CYRUS...
I must be in hell.
All of this Miley Cyrus causes me to go insane.
I rip off Gerald's arm and throw it at Alberto.
Alberto eats the arm.
Yes, I am in hell.
The cardboard cutouts of Miley Cyrus come alive and start crawling all over the room.
Alberto gives me a devilish smile, "YES MINIONS, YES! COME TO YOUR MASTER ALBERTO DE STALKER!"
Gerald is screaming in pain.
I step on his dick, "Be quiet, Gerald. Your voice is annoying".
Gerald looks like he's going to die. Oh well.
I turn to Alberto and he takes out a Potato Grenade.
Potato Grenades are amazing, they were made by the best scientist in the world, Cave Johnson. Cave Johnson created the first Combustible Lemon, and it just escalated from there.
And that is how we have the amazing Potato Grenade today.
Alberto throws the Potato Grenade at me and rides away on majestic Laser Cows.
Gerald tries to pull his chewed up iPod out of his pocket, but is unable to and dies.
The Potato Grenade hit my face and I died.
I'm writing this as a ghost from 2567.
So I am telling you now, if you ever meet someone named Alberto, run away and don't look back.
Potato.
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