Pokemanz: A Subtle Tinge Of Brown

As a self-professed Pokemanz fan since childhood, I have played every game at least 31 times. A sad fact I am proud of, like crowning, life-achievement-proud. After playing the Blacks and the Whites and the X's and the Y's 31 times each I was getting bored of waiting for the new Ruby's and the Sapphire's. But that was until I found a new Pokemanz game, one I must've missed during the years. This initially sent me into a spiral of rage, sorely disappointed in myself for participating in such a despicable act, such as missing a Pokemanz game. Like, the fuck, honestly, what kind of dedication can I call that? And, I knew I had to hide this fact from my fellow Pokemanz fanz at the meetings we had every Sunday, otherwise I would be cursed with endless humiliation and ridicule.

Once I halted my increasing anger and self-disappointment, I came to my clear senses. I HAD to find this game, and play it at least 31 times, of course. I found the name of it first, 'Pokemanz: A Subtle Tinge Of Brown', such a perfect and oddly detailed and descriptive name, I thought. Now, it was my given duty, as a Pokemanz fan, to hunt and acquire this game, otherwise, I my's well go Japanese and commit suicide. But, that's another creepypasta for another time. I swiftly dressed into my Ash Ketchum cosplay, complete with a 1998 Pikachu plushy, an item I had paid $1200 for. My anti-Pokemanz friends had told me I was crazy for buying such an expensive and useless "toy". HA! Look at me compared to them now, well actually don't on second thought, they are all quite wealthy currently, but I have a $1200 Pikachu plushie. It all evens out, trust me.

I started on the internet, typing 'Pokemanz: A Subtle Tinge Of Brown' and all variations into Bing. After that brought up nothing, I tried the same in Yahoo! Nothing, again. Finally, I resorted to using Internet Explorer (Google's for chumps!). That then had a link to a garage sale, only the most trusted source of goods on the planet. "Totally legit and not shifty garage sale (auctioning Pokemanz: A Subtle Tinge Of Brown)" was printed in bright blue letters on a red page. "Oh my god. This is so legit." A shiver of excitement ran down my spine, my excitement levels were over 8998.99 at least, pretty crazy, huh?

Leaping from the couch, I ran out the door and into my car; a Honda Shitvic. I slammed the gas pedal, I needed to get to that sale before anyone else could steal my precious game. I blasted my favourite tunes, the Pokemanz theme song, singing along passionately to it. "I wanna be the very best! Like no one ever was!" Then, I saw the garage sale, except it was in a dark alley you'd expect to get shot in. I hit the brakes and exited the car. Sprinting, I went up to the guy running the sale. He was old and wore a big, black hoodie, dark sun-glasses and a baseball cap. "Is this the garage sale for Pokemanz: A Subtle Tinge Of Brown?" "No. Wanna buy some meth though?" "Sure!" "No, you fucking dipshit. This is the garage sale." "Oh, right, yeah. I mean, I hate meth. Um, you got the game?" The shady guy made a 'come closer' signal with his hand. "On Ebay I have an auction for directions to a torrent site on how to get the game. Beware though, the game is evil." I nodded, "Well, uh, gee thanks for making me come all the way out here. And, I'll go check that Ebay thing out."

I ran back to my car and drove home. God, what a dick for making me drive all the way here and wasting time I could be using to watch Pokemanz. After I got home, I darted for my laptop and typed in Ebay.com into Bing (A.K.A. the best search engine). And then I typed in the Pokemanz game. There was only one result, I clicked on it. There was only 5 seconds left with only one bidder. Although, the current bid was at $1.00, I put down $136.73 just to be safe and leaving me broke. "Whew! Thank god I didn't buy that meth, then, I might not have had any money." There was a knock on the door. Worried it might be something horrible like a Trubbish or god forbid....a Vanillite, I timidly walked to the door. Another knock. I answered, hopping it would at least be a decent encounter. But there he was, the shady, old guy from the dark alley. "Oh, hey! Got my game?" "Yeah, here's the directions on how to get the game," he said handing it over. "Wait, why didn't you just give this to me before?" "It was on Ebay, retard. Someone else might have outbid you." "Oh, right. Yeah, that makes sense, I guess. Well bye, creepy dude." "See you to fine sir. Remember, for when you get that game, that it is cursed because a reason that really doesn't make sense but curses things anyway, I don't know. Good luck! Don't die!"

Thundering back to my laptop, I followed the directions to a torrent site named "Teh Legit Torrent Site. NOT Monitored By The Police Or Anything, LULZ." I looked at the directions that had been hurriedly written on a used napkin.

"To get the Pokemanz: A Subtle Tinge Of Brown, follow these directions:

Go to 'www.TehLegitTorrentSiteNOTMonitoredByThePoliceOrAnything,LULZ.com'. Then, click the 'Shifty-Ass Download' button high-lighted in flashing red. When the 'You've won a free i-Pad, go to www.virus.com to claim your prize' window pops up, the download is complete. It should now be on your computer.

A short-cut with a pixelated Poketesticle on it read: "PokemanzROMHAXXX.EXE", I double-clicked it. The normal Pokemanz screen came up, but it was lathered in hyper-realistic blood and had the words "I will kill you, Alex (my name, don't know why I didn't mention that before. LOL XD). I am satan himself. Now that you have this game, you will surely die a horrible, painful and slow death." "Oh Wartortles! A glitch. Hopefully the rest of the game isn't buggier than a colony of Caterpie." I continued on, thinking nothing of it.

As soon as I started the game, I could feel something halfway between my large intestine and pancreas that something was wrong. My room was covered in satanic posters and Swastika's and coated in SUPER-ULTRA-HYPER-REALISTIC BLOOOOOOOD. I thought it was just a glitch though. I ran down the stairs to meet my mom, but she was a huge, deranged demon. When I spoke to her a speech bubble popped up; "I will devour your pitiful soul, Alex. And I will rip your body in half and consume your blood. Also, here's the town map, do you know how to use it?" "Oh my god....ANOTHER GLITCH?! This game is sooo glitchy, no wonder I never heard about it." I continued on into town.

The next, thing I noticed wrong, was that the town a doomed, fiery pit of lava. Kind of like you'd imagine the darkest ruins of hell kinda thing, just a bit more modern-hipsterish. Really just a complete shit-hole. My rival flew up to me. It was a flying, concrete Gargoyle, it's hyper-realistic eyes glowed a dark yellow. "Well, this is an interesting design decision on Nintendo's part. Although, I really like where they're headed with the Pokemanz." My rival started speaking, "I will crush your bones and tear apart your organs, eliminating you from Earth and banishing you to hell....LET'S BATTLE!" The battle music started, except it was a sinister-sounding piano and organ type thing. I didn't know how I felt about it.

The rivals name was "666 Demonic Gargoyle", a fascinating play on Gamefreak's part. Then, I realized I didn't have a Pokeman yet. I started to urinate myself out of sheer fright. WHY DID THE GAME NOT GIVE ME POKEMANZ?!?!?! I sobbed softly. 666 Demonic Gargoyle sent out a Level 666 Satan Spawn. My character through out a Poketesticle, a Level 0 Alex popped out. AND I WAS MEGA-SUPER-ULTRA-MIND-EXPLODING-HYPER-REALISTIC!!! "Get ready to fucking die Alex!" Satan Spawn used 'Hell's Fury,' perhaps a new move? It killed Alex instantly. "Fuck me! I never lose the first battle!" Then, something truly horrifying happened.

Satan appeared in my living-room. "Holy shit!," I curled up in my Ash Ketchum cosplay. "I warned you, Alex. And now, you must pay the ultimate price. Your life." "Fuck, really?!" Satan nodded leisurely. THEN, my band of Pokemanz friends appeared in my living-room too in ghost form. "What are you guys doing here?" "We played the game to Alex, each of us scared to do such a disloyalty to Pokemanz. This old, creep gave us instructions to bid on Ebay for directions for the game. We fell for Satan's terrible scheme." "Why did you do this, Satan?," I asked. "I just fucking hate Pokemanz, alright. Just couldn't stand people like you playing it. Soooo, I decided there was only one solution, y'know. Banish you guys to a dark and horrible oblivion. And I'm Satan, so I did."

"Wait, wait, wait. So why are you guys here?" "Oh, us? Yeah, we were forced to watch this. So, yeah, pretty much that." I turned back to Satan, "Are we gonna get this over and done with?" "Oh, yeah sure, sure. Excaily von Trumpieus asgale ex daimlo banish vostryx ghal oblivion!" A shield of darkness shielded my view, "Well this fucking blows." And, slowly a magma-infested world formed around me. Constructed of fire, fire, rock, fire, lava, fire, demons and fire. Fire.

So that, my friend was a totally original, non-generic, ultra-scary creepypasta....

THE END

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