Pokepasta Cliches

One day, when I couldn't bring myself to do anything useful in my miserable life, I decided to pull out my old GBA and play Pokemon FireRed, which I bought from an old man at a flea market.

But when I started the game something was strange. I was in Lavender Town but there was no music. All my pokemon were defeated, but instead of "defeated" it just said "DEAD". This was the case with all of my Pokemon, except for my Mewtwo, which was oddly named "SatAn 666". I don't remember calling it that.

Suddenly Mewtwo said, "You hated me. You leek. You must die for that." Suddenly the Lavender Town music sounded. I tried turning off the GBA but it wouldn't work. I noticed how the desire to commit suicide grew in me. I gutted myself as brutally as possible with the knife. Mewtwo laughed.

Fuck man why did I write this? I hate my life. No wonder my wife left me and took the children.

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