Prepare Your Anus For Unforseen Consequences

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Mr bean.png   NSFW WARNING

This page is not safe for work or school. The content of this story is not suitable for some audiences, and may be inappropriate to view in some situations.
...Or in all situations, at any time, any place, and by any audience for that matter.

If you ever play the original Half-Life and you get the choice between death and employment from the G-Man, please choose death, for this is a documentary of Gordon Freeman and he told us about the canon ending.

The Before-The-Incident-eining

I was an awesome scientist back in the day. I got laid a lot by Gina Cross and Colette Green and were my girlfriends back in the day, before the Resonance Cascade. Getting to kill aliens was my life long dream and I achieved it by that incident, little did I know that my worst experience would take place that time.

The Fuck-ening

I had defeated that weird monster giant baby thing called Nirvanass? I entered that train thingy, then some shit effects happened and I teleported from place to place, it was scary. He then talked to me about a job offering in this train thingy either I would accept or die and I was like "...." because I could not speak since the training course for an unknown reason. After I entered he said to me these words: "Prepare *quiet inaudible sounds* for unforseen consequences", I didn't hear a small part of it, but I wasn't worried, I should have been. I could hear many people saying stuff to me after I entered that rift thingy for example Barney saying "Show me your dick and I'll buy you a beer." and Arne Magnusson yelling "Gordon Freeman you motherfucker! You know how long I waited for this microwave casserole!? I'll kill you where you stand!" Then I was completely strapped on, on a table, with G-Man next to me. He said things to some vortigaunts near me and had a creepy smile that pierced through my very soul. He moved to my ear and whispered "Prepare your anus for unforseen consequences" later he seductively licked my ear when h-h-he started doing... It felt like a crowbar entering a barnacle. things to my body, two headcrabs then appeared. One covered my face until the other moved to my pants and broke my penis into pieces, while the G-Man was doing his....*cries* stuff to me. From all the shock, I passed out and woke up in a train (normal train this time) He then said those words that would forever follow me to the grave with the ass burning: "Rise and shine, Mr. Freeman. Rise and shine. Not that I wish to imply you have been sleeping on the sex. No one is more deserving of a dick. And all the sex in the world would have gone to waste until... well, let's just say I need to come again. The right man in the wrong stance can make all the difference in the sex. So, wake up, Mr. Freeman. Wake up and smell the asses." I saw him again later on with lemons burning around him and pills in his briefcase I wanted to forget, I wanted to be pure, away from his hot, sweaty, alien body. He started mentioning the things he would do to me when I ended the combine, Alyx tried to confort me with things and shit so please Dragonborn! HELP ME! HIS...S-S-STIFF PA-R-RT HAS PENETRATED ME FOR TOO LONG! *cries* THE FIRE IN MY ASS HAS NOT STOPPED SINCE! Help me Dragonborn, at least get me some lube for next time......

Oh and I got laid with Alyx last night, who knew she would have such skill!? I saw G-Man watching from afar he had his fuck face and with telepathy he said it again..."Prepare your anus for unforseen consequences, you wouldn't want man-kind to die? Would you..." I have to be his sexual slave, at the cost of man-kind.

THE END!


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