I used to be a big fan of Mario Kart Wii. But, not anymore. You might be wonderin' why? Well, it's all because of what happened. So, this is my exprience...
One day, I signed into a local E-auction with this title. 'FREE MARIO KART WII COPY!' I had to answer a simple question. That question was, odd. It said this. 'What is your home address?' I thought nothing of it. So, I entered my home address. 2 days later, the copy arrived. But it was not what I expected at all...
The cover looked, odd. Mario had a worried face. Luigi had black eyes. The colors were inverted. On the top, didn't display the regular title of the game. Instead it said this. 'RAINBOW ROAD.Wii', and I was scared for my life. So, I inserted it into my Wii.
I clicked on the game. It took me right to the title screen. However, the music sounded like it was in reverse and in a lower-pitch. The same title was there. It looked like it was bleeding with extra extra hyper-realistic blood. I clicked on the start button. It took me to the menu where you could select your character. The only character avaliable was the Mii character. However, it only featured one Mii. That Mii being, myself. This was odd.
There was only cup. It was called RAINBOW ROAD.Wii Cup. The first track began. However, it was a track called Rainbow Road.Unfinished. It felt normal. Until the first lap actually began. The screen got darker and the track was mostly not rendering. To the point where I was driving on a invisible piece of road. The music was very distorted. My car drove a bit slower than normal. This was, very weird.
Images of dead dogs flashed upon the screen. I saw my dead pitball named Princess (He always used to brutally murder small children). I vomited. It was super gross. Suddenly, the track got wavey. It felt like it was going on forever. And I was only on the second lap, mind you.
The final lap started. For some reason, a MIDI version of 'It's Just a Burning Memory' began to slowly play. I saw a flying head of my favorite character, Luigi. He said one thing.
'You will pay for your sins.' This freaked me out. What sins? What did I do? Then, the next track began. It was called Ranbow Road. I ignored the obvious misspelling of the word Rainbow. The track wasn't normal. It seemed broken and cracked. Lakitu had a set of what looked like musty human teeth. I was terrified and for good reason. This was hell!
The track did have a countdown. It sounded like Mario was doing the countdown. Which was cool. However, when he got to Go! He began to cry. Then, my car was moving towards the edge. There was a invisible wall. Thank God. The track had dead bodies everywhere. Dead bodies of what looked like previous racers. I saw the dead body of my cat. Ahhh! PETA better sue his ass one day!
The track had no music. Just screaming. I felt alone. Ghosts were going left and right. When I won the race, a message appeared.
'I won, but at what cost?' This reminded me of a Wario meme. As in the meme with him in the clouds of Heaven with that exact piece of text next to Wario? Yeah. The third track was called Gaybow Road. This felt offensive. Pride Flags were everyone. The music was in G-Major. The screen started to flash. Showing disturbing things like maggots and worms. I vomited. There was only one lap. It aburtly ended. The last track was next. It was called Painbow Road. I knew that there was gonna be blood and stuff.
There was. From hyper-realistic blood, to scary and moist-looking skeletons and other scary stuff. It had it all. However, this race had 2 laps. All pf the same tracks had the same layout. But this one had some things wrong. As mentioned, the music was backwards. There were signs telling me to turn back. I ignored them because I'm a total idiot. Yeah. Then, the game crashed just before I got to the finish line with the laugh of Mario in the background. It sounded very demonic.
Yeah. The next thing that happened was that the game popped out like a toaster and I caught it in midair. Talk about a trickshot! I took the game and I sold it. I never saw it ever again...
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