ROLF.XEX - an Ed, Edd, 'n Spaghetti Story: Difference between revisions
ROLF.XEX - an Ed, Edd, 'n Spaghetti Story (view source)
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So, one night, after posting on r/the_donald, I was getting reddy for beddy. But, before I closed my Tor
browser, a message popped up on Yahoo Messenger in my Tor browser. It said "DOWNLOAD BUY XBOXXX GAME TO SOLVE YER LIMP DICK"; immediately, I was intrigued. I clicked in a heartbeat, and it linked to a webpage that immediately opened up two new webpages. One was an Amazon page for anal beads. The
I pressed the Start Button only to hear a spooky sound. Also the game started up. You played as (shocker) Rolf as he explores the world of Ed, Ed, Ed, Ed, (record skip) Edd, n Eddy, such a deep universe, I tell you what. The game played like a 3D Platformer mixed with a Real Time Strategy game mixed with Bust-A-Move, for some reason. I had fun partially, because I FUCKING HATE Bust-A-Move sorta, it's kinda fun. After a while though, I was sick of this game's shit, so I punched the Xbox to get the game out, but then I realized that there was an Eject button, and punching the Xbox only caused the game to flip the fuck out. Rolf transformed into what I can only describe as Cthulhu meets Megatron meets Goat Simulator. Holy mother of god, this was too much for my brain.
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Dammit, I thought. This is the second time I was denied sexy time by the characters of Ed, Edd, n Eddy in one day. My life is sucky. "DO IT," a voice suddenly said to me from somewhere, don't ask. Holy shit. He's right. I am a total loser asshole, and my life is worth nothing. I prepared a noose to kill myself.
"NO," I heard the same voice say, "DON'T KILL YOURSELF! THERE'S ALWAYS A CHANCE THAT ANOTHER CARTOON CHARACTER WILL WANT TO POUND YOUR BUM. YOU NEED TO SAVE YOURSELF BY PLEDGING ALLEGIANCE TO MORMONISM!" Holy shit. He's even more right than before. Mormonism is the only way to the path of good old fashioned cartoon anal gang bang. I must devote myself to Mormon Jesus or whatever they believe in. I asked, "Who are you, wise presumably Mormon voice?" The voice responded, "LOOK BEHIND YOU." I looked behind me, and it was the TV with an image of Rolf on it. It all makes since now! Rolf is the one true man who knows
==Epilogue==
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However, the semen encrusted paper has been said to have been sighted somewhere in New Jersey. Anyone that is said to have read the paper has immediately gone missing. At least, for a while. If they are found, they are a rotting corpse with hundreds of splinters in their body. If you see this paper that is all gross looking, DO NOT READ IT! This is a special report from the Totally Legit Police Force saying that any contact with the paper could lead to a woody DEATH.
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