Reading Goes Through a Deletion Refugee Story
So, Weaver recently asked me to read stories and give my own thoughts in some sort of recorded log. It seemed like a good idea at the time, so why not?
And so I found one.
"Video Game Powers"
A videogame story. A quick Ctrl+F search shows no registers of 'blood' or 'realistic'. It should be safe to enter.
It All Started Today My Friend Gave Me This Game Thru The Mail Since He Lives Far Away
Oh man. All words with the first letter capitalized aaaaand...it is a wall of text as well. What mess did I get into?
I Open There Was A Note Dear Zack, I Need YOU TO PLAY THIS GAME Its Been Haunting Me For A Month Only Way Is To Get Me Out !!!!!
-"...Of the psychiatric ward! Bring a getaway car and a hundred dollars, I'll drug the nurses!"-
Please Help! I Call My Friend Jaime He Was The One That Sent Me The Mail About The Note And Game I Call Him Before I Open The Big Box When He Answer He Said
-"Don't open the box! I accidentally sent you my porn collection"-
YOUR NEXT IN THE LIST!!!!!
The list of summer school, hopefully. This is some disastrous writing. God knows it would benefit the author.
Knew It Was Probaly My Friend Jaime Pranking Me But He Call Me Answer The Phone Again
Smile! You're in candid camera!
This Time It Wasent The Voice When i Call First Time This Time It Was Actually Jaime He Said Dude Help Me Im Really Scared!!!!!! I Said Tell Me What Is It The Game Console Hurry Play It it Will Destroy This Mons.....
-"But you sent me a game, not a console, dumbass! You deal with this haunting antic by yourself"-
After He Stop Speaking Knife Went Stab
The English Language Went Suicide And Reading Went Facepalm
He Sounded Like Sombody Died Before He End The Call He Said Nothing.....
Judging by the rest of the story, the protagonist did nothing as well about his friend dying. Stab noises? Oh, golly, when will it stop happening?
Later That Night Like Around 12:00 PM
This story happens in the North Pole. No other explanation, besides "Author is an imbecile"
The Box Wasent Open Soo I Started Playing The Wii
Oh boy, tell me this isn't going where I think it is going
Then I Figure Out It Was Glitching A Littile
Yep. Saw it coming. If I had a penny for every time I read this cliché, I'd live in a house of copper.
I Try My Best To Say In My Head Its Ok...... Then I Was Playing SuperMarioBrothers 2 After That I Reconize For A Minute Marios Eyes Were Red
-"But then I realized I was looking at the hat. Golly gee, gaming is hard"-
But I Was Probaly Images In My Brain In World 1 There Was Lava Dead Animals
Just like the inside the author's head, the World 1 was a dead lava wasteland.
Then I Turn Off The Wii Then I Went To Open The Box My Friend Jaime Gave Me And When It Was Xbox 360
B-B-But it was a game! It says there, "My Friend Gave Me This Game Thru Mail"! Did something happen while I was gouging my eyes out?
But There Was A Part Of The Xbox Was Wrong
-"Then I realized I had been sent a bootleg. The Ybox"-
It Was Moded Saying In A Note HOPE YOU ENJOY YOUR DEATH!!!!!!! Ok It Was A Littile Freaky
You don't tell me, protagonist. Or did you think that attached threatening notes were an everyday nuisance?
I Was Scared There Was Another Note Saying Hi Any Game You Play Counts As 1 To 5 Haunting Point
-"If you get 100 Haunting Points you win a toaster!"-
Would You Like To Play I Said No!!!!
Calm down, champ. You're yelling at a note. Why don't you go sleep for a while?
Now I Decide To Head For The Night
Yes, good boy!
Next Morning I Wake Up I Reconize My Xbox My Friend Gave Me Was All Set Up I Was Scared
For the love of God, protagonist. It was a Xbox set up, that is all. It isn't like you woke up to see a crucified puppy on the ceiling.
i Ask My Mom
-"Will I ever grow a pair?"-
She Said No
ask my brother no ask my dad no
If the author had asked for a proofreading, I wouldn't be here, getting my IQ lowered.
So My Friend Gave Me Call Of Duty 3 Play It There Was A Thing Saying U Have Earn 5 Haunting Points
Ok I Ingore For A Min The Call Of Duty Wasent Working
It should say "Ignore", dear author, which is what I should have done after reading the first line of this wretched story.
Then I Try Sonic I Hear Terror Laughs 5 More I Knew I HAD 10
Way to go. You demonstrated you can do basic arithmetic. Next step is to be able to learn to spell. Baby steps, buddy.
Now Turn Off The Xbox Then The Xbox Meesage For Someone Said WHY STOP PLAYING (:
You...you told him to turn it off, disembodied voice! Not even the beings from beyond have an ounce of intelligence in this story.
Then I Got A Voice Message With A Large Screaming Voice Said Turn Around Turn Around
The Red Hot Chili Peppers appeared in the room and started singing one of their recent hit songs, and then...oh wait, no. The RHCP song is "Look Around". Nevermind.
And I Saw My Friend Jaime Dead Cover In Blood I Started Crying
-"You did come to see me"-, the protagonist sobbed, in what obviously was a heartfelt reunion.
Then I Said STOP THIS!!!!
Yes, please, stop this! Or maybe if I use all caps as well and several exclamation points the story will listen to me. YES, PLEASE, STOP THIS!!!!!!
Then I Play 2 MORE Games Said 5555 Your Dead
Would you like to try again?
And Then This Happening Right Now
No wonder the story was a linguistic disaster. The author wrote it while he was dying.
Now Goodbye Everyone Nobody Can Save Me
Not that I'd have tried to save you, protagonist.
Best Of luck,June 28,2013 -From Jack P.S Hope My Life Would Be More Sad Like Those.
Ah, but don't fret! You did make the readers' lives sadder, just by publishing this story. We'll live through our sadness, which is what you must have wished.
I feel like sobbing until I fall asleep. Weaver, next time I see you, I'll choke you.
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