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I'm a big fan of Nintendo 64, and I especially love the more obscure titles in the library. So when my buddy Kyle told me about a game called Starshot Of The Space Circus, I just had to play it. I searched many online stores to no avail, until I came across a copy at a yard sale one day. Strangely enough, the label was partially peeled off, and someone had scribbled "STARSHOT.KAWAII" on it in their best serial-killer handwriting, with a pink pen. It seemed a bit odd, but it was being sold for 25 cents, so how could I resist? When I got home, I dusted off my N64 and popped the game in. The screen went pixelated for a few seconds, then the game came up. Oddly, it skipped past the title screen and went straight into the game. For some reason I started off on Killer Expo, rather than the starting location of Tensuns. I figured that the previous owner had played it before they sold it to me, so I played on. The mission indicator told me to go to Torture World, so I headed there. But when I went inside the building, the screen went entirely black. I thought it was a glitch, so I reset the console. When the game came back up, Starshot was chained up in the middle of a completely empty room. I pressed all the buttons, but none of them did anything. Suddenly, a message box appeared on-screen. "WELCOME TO TORTURE WORLD. ENJOY YOUR STAY!!" The next thing I saw was absolutely horrible. Several creatures came out and began to desu poor Starshot to death. The speakers filled with choruses of "kawaii" and "nyan", and the screen turned a horrific pink color. Suddenly, a picture of Starshot, all desued up, appeared on the screen, his eyes were huge and shiny and he was covered in hyper realistic sparkles, and it was all 2kawaii4me so I turned the game right off. The next day, I buried the cartridge somewhere in my backyard. I will never be the same after that horrifying experience. And whatever you do, never, ever play a game called STARSHOT.KAWAII.

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