It was 3:00 on Tuesday when I said to my grandmama "I am going to the woods to drink and cry". I was angry after we got into an argument about "various shits" like her favorite goulash recipies and her dog Dodadanialania (it's Russian don't ask) pissing on my carpet.
I was going to leave the house forever and I was never going to come back except unless I got too hungry. Grand Mother screamed to me "I'M HAPPY YOUR PARENTS DIED" (I am adopted I should have established that) "NOW LEAVE" and she threw two and a half brick at me. Now I was really sad, I hate bricks.
I walked into the woods and it was now 3:01 and everyone knows 3:01 is "The Witcheng Hour". I didn't realize at the time that it was 3:01 (the witching hour) but if I did I would have never walked into the woods at that time of the witching hour 3:01. It was dark and the night was filled with the evil sounds like FROG and I thought I to saw at least two demons but I chalked it up to my paranoid schizophrenia. I saw an abandoned log cabin that looked like it was built by "Abe The Ham Linking" himself! I hear a voice tell me "Please come in I will not kill you". I was so happy to hear this after my grandmother assaulted me with bricks.
I walked in but the door shut by itself except it didn't because I closed it but I don't know why I did that because I didn't want the door closed so I will just assume it was "ghost". There was a single candle on a table but it was turned off. There was no power in the house. "Wow This Place Is Really Fucking Dark"
I said out loud. The same voice said STFU and then the chair beneath the table flew at me and broke my ribs. "Ok but why is it so dark?" I said again the voice said "Why are YOU so dark stupid ass?" I was scared now because the voice was clearly not friendly. It may in fact want to kill me. "WHO ARE YOU"? I SCREAMEMED HA HA HA I am Scary Fuck the ghost!
I couldn't not believe the it. "Scary Fuck" WAS my father's name before he died. "Oh No!!! Your my Dad???" I said while pointing and crying and bleeding from my chest and stammering and pissing myself and hearing the FROG outside. "Yes now I'm gonna go kill that bitch of a grandmother of yours" "ok thanks." i said
Scary Fuck floated from the cabin and then I saw from 40 miles away my grandmother getting disembowled and I was so relieved I didn't have to put up with her shit any more, My Dad Fuck came back and he said "ok you have three wishes" i said "i want this story to end" and then he
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