Sexy.VBS

When you load up your computer on certain days of the week, There is a file which periodically appears on MediaFire named Sexy.VBS. This program is little more than a message box written in VBS, but it does stuff other than that.

The message box is simple, and has only this sentence and an OK button.

You are very sexy. I shall now serenade you.

Microsoft Mike will sometimes randomly begin talking to you. He will talk about how you are so sexy, and that he'd kill himself for you. If you have downloaded and ran Sexy.VBS at least once and this happens, there is no escape from what is next to happen. After Mike finishes talking, a hyper-realistic image of an octopus ripping off its hectocotylus, the specialised arm which carries its gametes. This is meant to make you feel sexy, but it usually is too violent to make you feel anything other than confused bewilderment.

Then, your computer will download and automatically install Windows Vista SP1. Don't worry, your files are safe, but this also means the virus will continue its behaviour.

Once Vista is installed, the virus will play a variety of sounds from NavaShield, and Mike will tell you that he is a robot from outer space. You must tell him that you agree, or he'll make you cry by telling you to fuck off.

Now listen carefully, because the next part is terrifying.

Then, Satan, Sonic.EXE, Jeff the Killer, Jane the Killer, the PHONE, Joel, and BonziBuddy will appear on your screen. After precisely 32 minutes, 50 seconds, 60 milliseconds and 29 nanoseconds (seriously, get a drink or a snack), they will all laugh at you, causing you to have a heart attack.

And then your skeleton will get up and continue using the computer. You'll think that you - now free of your fleshy tomb - are very sexy.

It should be noted that Sexy.VBS does not work on computers which the file considers to be either hyper realistic or sexy. This means that if you are running the hyper realistic and sexy OSes of Windows 98, 2000, XP or 8.1, you're safe. In addition, if your computer is already running Vista SP1, nothing will happen unless you have Speakonia and Microsoft Mike installed. That's because Sexy.VBS can't run without Mike. The virus thinks that Mike is sexy.

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