Shakespeare's Lost Play.avi.exe.jpg: Difference between revisions
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[[File:WEEEEEE.png|thumb|LOLZ itz Dicknose!!!1!]] |
[[File:WEEEEEE.png|thumb|LOLZ itz Dicknose!!!1!]] |
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This is my first ever Trollpasta so please |
This is my first ever Trollpasta so please don't hate on it. I know it's kinda long, but it's really worth the read. Thanks. |
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I was at Gamestop recently looking for a copy of Starfox 64. I asked the clerk and he said they had a copy. He went in the back to get it and came back with something strange. It was a VHS sleeve that said "Strfux 69" and had a picture of Chaz Bono flying a Star Wars styled pod racer. It made me sick. He told me it was free so naturally I took it, considering how |
I was at Gamestop recently looking for a copy of Starfox 64. I asked the clerk and he said they had a copy. He went in the back to get it and came back with something strange. It was a VHS sleeve that said "Strfux 69" and had a picture of Chaz Bono flying a Star Wars styled pod racer. It made me sick. He told me it was free so naturally I took it, considering how I'm a cheap fuck. |
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I got home and popped the tape into my Xbox and plugged in my favorite Gamecube usb controller. It |
I got home and popped the tape into my Xbox and plugged in my favorite Gamecube usb controller. It wasn't long before I realized that it wasn't Starfox 64, or even a video game for that matter. I thought it might be gay porn so I whipped out the Jergens and the tissues just in case. With my dick fully erect and my hopes sky-high, I saw that it wasn't even gay porn. I was so mad that I sucked my own shorty. 3 seconds passed and I came. It was so shocking to me considering how it took 3 seconds. It usually takes 2. I put my dick away and pressed play. |
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A title showed up on the screen saying "Shaykspeerz Lost Plaee". I laughed very hard at it because they misspelled "lost". After the title went away, a new title came up and said "The Tragedy of Dicknose Strombolli, Prince of Sextopia". |
A title showed up on the screen saying "Shaykspeerz Lost Plaee". I laughed very hard at it because they misspelled "lost". After the title went away, a new title came up and said "The Tragedy of Dicknose Strombolli, Prince of Sextopia". |
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I think vomited at that point, but |
I think vomited at that point, but I'm not sure. This was long ago so I hardly remember. However, I memorized the entire thing so I'll just type it out for you. Lolz I has good memory! |
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<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:center">'''<span style="font-size:14.0pt">Act 1</span>'''</p> |
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:center">'''<span style="font-size:14.0pt">Act 1</span>'''</p> |
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Line 23: | Line 23: | ||
Fifa: My prince, what might ye be up to? |
Fifa: My prince, what might ye be up to? |
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Dicknose: |
Dicknose: Can't you see my tally drips of the most satisfactory juices? |
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Fifa: I see. Why is it so small? |
Fifa: I see. Why is it so small? |
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Dicknose: |
Dicknose: I'll have you know that it's almost 3 inches! |
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Fifa: Eye, my prince. I must be off. Good eve! |
Fifa: Eye, my prince. I must be off. Good eve! |
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Line 41: | Line 41: | ||
Dicknose: Oh how I wish I could place my hands upon her hips, and force her into my royal crotch. |
Dicknose: Oh how I wish I could place my hands upon her hips, and force her into my royal crotch. |
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Smucks: You |
Smucks: You must've been pulling your tally to her then, right? |
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Dicknose: Nay, to my late mother. |
Dicknose: Nay, to my late mother. |
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Line 47: | Line 47: | ||
Smucks: I see. Shall I leave you alone then? |
Smucks: I see. Shall I leave you alone then? |
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Dicknose: Nay, |
Dicknose: Nay, it's quite alright for you to stay. |
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Smucks: Shall I clean up your drippings, my prince? |
Smucks: Shall I clean up your drippings, my prince? |
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Dicknose: I pray thee, |
Dicknose: I pray thee, don't. That's my dinner. |
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Smucks: Shall I scoop them into thy mouth then? |
Smucks: Shall I scoop them into thy mouth then? |
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Line 61: | Line 61: | ||
Smucks: My prince, if it be Fifa you seek, ask her to the Royal Ball. |
Smucks: My prince, if it be Fifa you seek, ask her to the Royal Ball. |
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Dicknose: |
Dicknose: It's more complex than you think. For to her, I'm only a prince. |
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Smucks: |
Smucks: Wouldn't she like to ride a prince? |
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Dicknose: Nay, not I. She only wallows with those filthy ghetto types. |
Dicknose: Nay, not I. She only wallows with those filthy ghetto types. |
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Line 91: | Line 91: | ||
Dicknose: Good morrow, Smucks. |
Dicknose: Good morrow, Smucks. |
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Heisenberg: Enough lollygagging. |
Heisenberg: Enough lollygagging. Let's get to business. |
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Smucks: What do you mean, my king? |
Smucks: What do you mean, my king? |
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Line 107: | Line 107: | ||
Dicknose: Oh, sorrow doth fill my mind. Woe is me. |
Dicknose: Oh, sorrow doth fill my mind. Woe is me. |
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Heisenberg: Cheer on, my son, for |
Heisenberg: Cheer on, my son, for there's always a way out. |
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Dicknose: Father, there is truly not. Oh such pity upon my titty. |
Dicknose: Father, there is truly not. Oh such pity upon my titty. |
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Smucks: Nay, my prince. Your father is right. |
Smucks: Nay, my prince. Your father is right. Let's plan a heist to kill this wretched Jimbles who separates thy sword from its sheath. |
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Dicknose: Eye, good Smucks. We shall. Where doth this bloke live? |
Dicknose: Eye, good Smucks. We shall. Where doth this bloke live? |
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Heisenberg: |
Heisenberg: I'll check this year's censes. |
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Smucks: I shall slice him with my rapier. What might be your weapons of choice? |
Smucks: I shall slice him with my rapier. What might be your weapons of choice? |
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Line 121: | Line 121: | ||
Dicknose: My thrice-blessed lance. |
Dicknose: My thrice-blessed lance. |
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Heisenberg: Fuck you guys. |
Heisenberg: Fuck you guys. I'm getting my glock. |
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Smucks: So we invade tomorrow night? |
Smucks: So we invade tomorrow night? |
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Line 151: | Line 151: | ||
Enter Heisenberg and Smucks. |
Enter Heisenberg and Smucks. |
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Dicknose: Good eve to you both! |
Dicknose: Good eve to you both! I've mastered the 69, father! |
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Heisenberg: Good for you, son. |
Heisenberg: Good for you, son. |
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Smucks: Enough chatter! |
Smucks: Enough chatter! Let's begin our heist! |
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Dicknose: Eye! Do you have the time? |
Dicknose: Eye! Do you have the time? |
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Line 163: | Line 163: | ||
Smucks: It shall take us wee under an hour to get to Jimbles house from here. |
Smucks: It shall take us wee under an hour to get to Jimbles house from here. |
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Dicknose: We have the time. |
Dicknose: We have the time. Let's go. |
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They arrive at '6:52 pm'. |
They arrive at '6:52 pm'. |
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Line 175: | Line 175: | ||
Heisenberg: I am the one who knocks. |
Heisenberg: I am the one who knocks. |
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Jimbles: Well you |
Jimbles: Well you can't come in! |
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Dicknose: It be your king, prince and a random <span style="font-weight:normal;">cuck</span>! |
Dicknose: It be your king, prince and a random <span style="font-weight:normal;">cuck</span>! |
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Jimbles: By my |
Jimbles: By my mother's tits! I'm coming to the door now! |
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*Door opens* |
*Door opens* |
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Line 201: | Line 201: | ||
Dicknose: Well shit. I brought my thrice-blessed lance for nothing then! |
Dicknose: Well shit. I brought my thrice-blessed lance for nothing then! |
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Heisenberg: |
Heisenberg: It's 7:00 pm now, my son. Go to Fifa and tell her Jimbles stood her up! |
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Dicknose: Then I shall ask her to go with me! She |
Dicknose: Then I shall ask her to go with me! She can't refuse! She already bought the tickets and there are no refunds! Good eve, bitches! |
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Exit Dicknose. |
Exit Dicknose. |
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30 minutes later, in |
30 minutes later, in Fifa's bedchambers… |
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Fifa: I should stuff my bra! |
Fifa: I should stuff my bra! |
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Line 219: | Line 219: | ||
Messenger: Your husband, Jimbles, was murdered about 30 minutes ago! He was shot by a tall, bald and bearded man wearing a sweater! |
Messenger: Your husband, Jimbles, was murdered about 30 minutes ago! He was shot by a tall, bald and bearded man wearing a sweater! |
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Fifa: Speak no more of it! I |
Fifa: Speak no more of it! I can't stand the pain! Go thee home! |
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Exit messenger. |
Exit messenger. |
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Line 229: | Line 229: | ||
Enter Dicknose. |
Enter Dicknose. |
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Dicknose: Fifa! You |
Dicknose: Fifa! You won't believe it! That little twet stood you up! I guess you're gonna have to ride my dick, but life goes on! |
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*Quiet* |
*Quiet* |
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Dicknose: Fifa? Are you at home? I guess not. I just realized that |
Dicknose: Fifa? Are you at home? I guess not. I just realized that I'm hungry for some potato yankings. I'll go look in her garden for some! |
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Fifa hanging dead. |
Fifa hanging dead. |
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Dicknose: My Fifa, why? I shaved my balls for nothing. I truly wish I |
Dicknose: My Fifa, why? I shaved my balls for nothing. I truly wish I could've screwed you. My heart doth skip beats and my hand doth pull my meat, since now you're gone, I have no one to tweet. I swore to myself that if I didn't fornicate with you on a soon day, I would surely become a gay. |
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Enter Smucks. |
Enter Smucks. |
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Line 245: | Line 245: | ||
Dicknose: Phooey on your prayers! Our God has abandoned the both of us. |
Dicknose: Phooey on your prayers! Our God has abandoned the both of us. |
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Smucks: |
Smucks: You're still going to the ball, aren't you? |
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Dicknose: Of course! I have to! I shall bring her corpse as my date and we shall make love under the moonlit sky! |
Dicknose: Of course! I have to! I shall bring her corpse as my date and we shall make love under the moonlit sky! |
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Line 251: | Line 251: | ||
Smucks: But, she dead. |
Smucks: But, she dead. |
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Dicknose: I must be off. |
Dicknose: I must be off. I'm late as it is. Good eve! |
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Exit Dicknose and |
Exit Dicknose and Fifa's corpse. |
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Smucks: I should text the king and tell him |
Smucks: I should text the king and tell him what's going on. |
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At the ball… |
At the ball… |
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Enter Dicknose and |
Enter Dicknose and Fifa's corpse. |
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Dicknose: Out of the way, bitches! Check out my sick dance moves! |
Dicknose: Out of the way, bitches! Check out my sick dance moves! |
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Line 267: | Line 267: | ||
Heisenberg: Where is he? |
Heisenberg: Where is he? |
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Smucks: I think |
Smucks: I think he's the one dancing with the corpse, King Dipshit. |
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Dicknose: Ah, my friends! Welcome! |
Dicknose: Ah, my friends! Welcome! |
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Heisenberg: Put her down, son. |
Heisenberg: Put her down, son. She's dead! We must bury her. |
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Dicknose: Shut your mouth, fuckface! |
Dicknose: Shut your mouth, fuckface! I'm gonna tap her ass! |
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Smucks: NO! That is grave raping! |
Smucks: NO! That is grave raping! |
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Heisenberg: |
Heisenberg: He's right, son! Put her down, and no one breaks any laws. |
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Dicknose: |
Dicknose: I'll do what I want! |
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Exit Dicknose and |
Exit Dicknose and Fifa's corpse. |
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Heisenberg: We tried to stop him. |
Heisenberg: We tried to stop him. |
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Smucks: No we |
Smucks: No we didn't. |
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Heisenberg: Whatever. |
Heisenberg: Whatever. Let's get our fucking groove on! |
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Outside… |
Outside… |
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Enter Dicknose and |
Enter Dicknose and Fifa's corpse. |
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Dicknose: Well, hello there, beautiful. |
Dicknose: Well, hello there, beautiful. Let's get right to deez nuts! |
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Enter |
Enter Fifa's Ghost. |
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Fifa's Ghost: Don't do it! If you do, it will take your soul into an infinite void of darkness. |
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Dicknose: Big deal. Fuck you! Oh wait, |
Dicknose: Big deal. Fuck you! Oh wait, I'm already gonna do that! |
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Exit |
Exit Fifa's Ghost. |
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Dicknose: Alright, where was I? Oh yeah! Off comes the dress! |
Dicknose: Alright, where was I? Oh yeah! Off comes the dress! |
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Dicknose makes love with |
Dicknose makes love with Fifa's corpse. |
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Dicknose: Ah YEEEAAAAH! I came! Oh God that was good. Ouch! My dick is on fire! Help! Oh God, my chest! I need some Tums up in this bitch! NOOOOO!!! |
Dicknose: Ah YEEEAAAAH! I came! Oh God that was good. Ouch! My dick is on fire! Help! Oh God, my chest! I need some Tums up in this bitch! NOOOOO!!! |