Shrek, The Ogreckoning: Difference between revisions

 

==Part I==

I never used to believe that Shrek was a demon who existed in the cross section of our mortal plane. That is, until last Thursday. It was Thursday and I was experiencing a typical case of "Thursday afternoon crippling depression". So I decided to go rent a Shrek movie. I yelped movie rentals, but the closest place was a small store in the middle of the Massachusetts bayou. So I took a midnight drive to "666 Movie Rentals" to see if u could find anything to bide my time a bit longer before my inevitable demise. I thought the name "666 Movie rentals" seemed a bit odd but I didn't think anything of it. I went inside and rushed straight to the Shrek aisle. There I found a VHS tape for a movie called... Shrek 0. Two things immediately struck me as odd about the VHS tape: 1) There is no Shrek 0. I've seen every movie ever made related to Shrek, including the Shrek musical, and I can verify that there was NEVER a prequel Shrek movie ever written, and 2) The cover to the VHS tape was just blood. A thick layer of coagulated blood. Anyway, I went to the counter to buy the movie, and an old man with a gray beard and eyes that look liked they've seen it all rung me up. "Boy, you don't want this movie", the old man said. "Why not," I asked, "Shrek is the bestk" "But this here VHS tape is haunted. Last boy who rented this went missing a day later. That was thirty years ago, and ain't nobody seen him since. The only trace left of him was this VHS which found in the return bin, seven days later, covered in the boy's blood." "Do you take American Express?" I asked. He did so I bought the VHS and took it home. As soon as I got home I removed the VHS tape from its bloody cocoon and plopped it into my VHS. Then I hit play. The tv flickered on, and showed Shrek's swamp. Everything was normal, except that the swamp water around the swamp was red. Blood red. Then Shrek and donkey came out. Both of them looked normal, except for their eyes. Their eyes were both red. Blood red. The two began their witty banter, and I began to relax, expecting a typical Shrek movie. But I was wrong. Dead wrong. Donkey was excited about moving in with Shrek. The scene was suspiciously similar to the early scene in Shrek 1 where Donkey thinks he's gonna move in with Shrek. "And in the morning," Donkey said, "I'm making..." "Waffles!" I thought. A classic Shrek line. But donkey never said the word. He slowly opened his mouth, but, instead of a punch line, a bloody drool oozed from his mouth. And as the blood drool crept down his chin and began dripping down to his neck, Donkey spoke in an eery voice that didn't sound like it was voiced by Eddie Murphy. He said... "Doolb". And then Shrek walked into the frame, and he opened his mouth, and with bloody drool coating the sides of his ogre lips, he too said "doolb". With a gasp and a shudder, I realized that it wasn't even Mike Myers making the voice. It was... Someone else. Or rather… something else. The two started walking closer and closer to the screen, repeating the word "doolb" in a demonic chant. I turned on close captions to try and make sense of what they were saying. But it just said "doolb", exactly as I had typed it earlier. But then, I saw the reflection of the movie in the mirror. "Blood" the reflected closed captions said, "Blood." I wiped the tears from my eyes then vomited till I passed out

==Part II==

 

But the hand just squeezed tighter and pulled me around. And then I saw His face. Now I'm a believer.

[[Category:Bad Fanfiction]]

[[Category:Lost Episodes]]

[[Category:WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT]]

[[Category:WHAT A TWIST!]]

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