SoNic's SeX sLaVe
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NSFW WARNING
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Chapter 1: The Flea Market
Some people ask me why I have these scars on my testicles, I don't like to talk about it... But I might as well type about it on a website for everyone to see... This is my story...
I guess you should know that i'am a HUGE Sonic fan, so much so that I jack off to my totally kawaii desu fan character, Fire the Flamehog. She's Amy, BUT RED!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!!!!!!! I know you want to hear more about her, but I don't have the time for that.
I guess I should start at the beginning, I was at my house, jacking off to SonicxAmy porn, when I saw a pop-up ad. I was about to select the "X" symbol on the window , but I noticed that the ad said "Go to your local flee market." Following the advice of the ever so mystical pop-up, I got in my car and drove to the flee market, hitting a few pedestrians on the way. When I got to the flee market, I noticed there was a 50% off sale for used games...
"Oh gee Wilkerson!!! Games for 50% off?!" I exclaimed. This deal was WAY to good to be true! I ripped my car door open, ripping it off it's hinges, but I didn't care, there was a deal for video games!!1!1! I ran through the crowds of people, launching them through the air as they made contact with me, at the end of it all, there was at least 60 casualties. I looked through the piles of games that were for sale. The games that were for sale included some piece of shit called Nintendo World Championships or some shit, it was in a gold case to signify it's shittyness. I threw the cartridge on the ground and spawned a sledgehammer from nowhere and beat the ever loving fuck out of it until it was nothing more than a pile of scraps.
That's when I noticed "it", the "game" that will always haunt my nightmares. It was kind of disk that you would find in your attic. It was crudely written in sharpie, it said "SaNiC's SeX sLaVe". WOW!1 a Sonic game?! What was this game? I've never heard of it, why did Sega make it? Were they trying to appeal to fans? I didn't give two Super Sonic shits, because I grabbed the game and bought it before I knew it. Seriously, it's a weird problem I have where I do something without knowing it, I think I need help.
I got in my car, and before I started it, the disk's crudely drawn label turned into hyper realistic blood, I wrote it off as a glitch and drove home. When I got home I sped up into my room and literally threw the disk into my computer's disk slot, the slot wasn't open so the disk hit the computer and fell to the floor. I picked it up and opened my computer's slot, I inserted the disk and started the program on the disk. The program was called "Ur mAh SlAve.exe" I was a little scared and I selected the "start game option", the computer froze for a second, in that split second I noticed an image.
The image was of Jeff the Killer stabbing Smile Dog, in the background SlenderMan was fisting a goat, next to Slendy was the Elegy of Emptiness statue bleeding from the eyes whilst making balloon animals and giving them to children. In the middle of it all, was Sonic himself, but looked different, he was wearing a skirt for no god damn reason. I pondered it for a bit, and wrote it off as a glitch.
End of Chapter 1...
Chapter 2: The Game
The game started, for some reason, the game started up with the original Sonic the Hedgehog intro, with Sonic appearing out of that weird ring thing. I was confused, wasn't this a new game? I was really disappointed, so begrudgingly I tapped the "enter" key and continued, but something extremely spoopy happened! For a split second, I noticed the water was a clear white color, a bit like.... Well, y'know, the "stuff". Sonic had ruffled up quills, and was blowing into a condom.
I wrote it off as a glitch, and the game finally began. I was brought to a character selection screen.
"Hey! Maybe this IS a new game!" I think to myself. The characters I was able to choose from were Jeff the Killer, Sonic, and Goku.
"New characters? Is this a fan game?" I think to myself. I ignored this and selected Sonic, since he was the one I was most familiar with. As soon as I selected him, the screen faded to black, and I was dropped into the first level Death Darkness Zone: Act 666. I was shocked! I mean, since when did Sonic games start at this level number?! Geez. I continued the game, but as I ran through the level, Sonic progressively got spoopier looking. I guess I should talk about the level, the sky was a dark shade of red, the grass on the ground was grey, and the water in the background was the color of the "stuff" that I saw earlier. At least three minutes into the level, I realized there were no enemies, and it took me even longer to realize the level design was shit, and it took me EVEN LONGER to realize that my left hand was in my pants. I took my hand out of my "area" and continued holding right and occasionally jumping, until I saw a pothole, inside the pothole was a row of blood covered spikes, the spikes were empaling a variety woodland creatures. Once again, I wrote this off as a glitch.
I finally reached the end of the level, seeing the goal sign, I ran towards it. SUDDENLY, the goal sign vanished!
"What the fuck?!" I screamed in frustration. I threw my keyboard into a wall in a complete tard-rage. Then, I noticed that Sonic was doing something on the screen. He appeared to be cowering in a ball, apparently scared of something. Just then, a strange figure appeared on the screen, he looked just like Sonic! But had no eyes, with emptiness in their place, with white "stuff" dripping out of them. The figure grabbed Sonic, and began groping him, Sonic was trying his hardest to get away but couldn't. Then the evil Sonic began furiously fucking Sonic, I was shocked!
"This is bullshit!" I screamed at my computer. "If only I was that lucky!" I said following up the last statement. As I said that, evil Sonic looked at me, a grin spread across his face.
"So, you want some?" He asks with a demonic tone. Just then, evil Sonic pooped out of my screen and brutally fucked me, killing me instantly. I'am currently in hell typing this on a Windows 95 computer. If you ever see this game, DON'T PLAY IT!!!1!1!1!1!1! You may or may not regret it!
THE END
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