Anonymous user
Firebrando Takes Over the World and Kills Everyone (BurningTorrent's 1 Year Anniversary on TPW Special): Difference between revisions
From Trollpasta Wiki
Jump to navigationJump to search
Firebrando Takes Over the World and Kills Everyone (BurningTorrent's 1 Year Anniversary on TPW Special) (view source)
Revision as of 08:21, 31 August 2015
, 8 years agoLast part mofos
imported>BurningTorrent |
imported>BurningTorrent (Last part mofos) |
||
Line 5:
introductions. I’m getting straight to the fucking story this time. No more bs.
Ah… August 31<sup>st</sup> 2015
this god forsaken website, and already my life has started to go downhill.
Procrastinating on the massive pile of homework I have to write some shitty
Line 591:
This was going to be great.
== Part 3: HABIT Murders Everyone And Takes Over Alton Towers (Evan's 1st Time at Alton Towers Special) ==
[[File:Tehaltontowerzincidunt-0.png|thumb|703x703px|I SPENT 4 HOURS ON THIS FFS. Better quality image [http://s3.postimg.org/mg8o0wnkz/tehaltontowerzincidunt.png HERE] Or maybe it isn't IDK. Post image made it look like shit.]]We are currently eating chicken at KFC. I am having spicy
hot wings because they’re bae.
“BT, can we go back in time, I want to ride the Smiler, you
know, before it crashes.” Jay asks me.
“Fine, but I have no idea where we’ll end up; my powers aren’t
really time oriented. They’re more spacey. I’ll be able to get us back here
though, because I don’t fucking know, main character plot convenience?”
“WOOOOOO!” Jay shouted, causing everyone in the KFC to look
at us.
“Jay, shut the fuck up I have anxiety!” I snap at him. HABIT
bares his knife and basically tells him to stop, and everyone else in the
restaurant gets the message.
“Well gee, thanks Evan or HABIT or whatever the fuck you
are. You’re actually a nice guy, you know, when you’re not getting a raging
boner from killing everyone!”
“KILLING MAKES MY DICK HARD!” Oh for fuck’s sake, did he
really have to reference Mutahar’s modded GTA videos? I’m still suffering from
the fact that he’s dead if my theory isn’t true.
“Hey, before we go back in time, do you want to make a prank
call?” Tim asks us all.
“FUCK YEAH!” We all yell.
I dial a random number. I get ready to do my best Kermit the
Frog/Joel impression.
“Hello? Hello? Can you hear me? Alright, alright, so my son’s
been downloading these viruses onto my computer, and I can’t get ‘em off! I can’t
get these viruses off! There’s a tonne of cocks! I need them off! I need to do
taxes! Please? I am THIS high in debt! They’re gonna saw off my fingers! I need
to pay my taxes! My son has been downloading nipples all over! You need to help
me! My son’s been jacking off in his bathroom! I built him a shed. He needs to
stop. He… He worships the devil, and I don’t like it! I need to go to Kokomo.
You need, you need, you need to help me with PC Optimiser Pro! Help me! Yes,
yes you will, yes you will. You will help me! Yes, you wanna. wanna give me a hand
job in the bathroom? You wanna, you wanna rub the lizard? You wanna, you wanna?”
Memory skillz ftw. Everyone was laughing their asses off despite most f them
not getting the reference.
The person on the other end hangs up.
“Lol fuk u den. I’ll have you know that I sexually identify
as an attack helicopter.”
“Oh my god. That was great! NOW TIME TO GO TO BRITISH DIDNEY
WORL!” I open up the rip smack bang in the middle of the KFC, shocking everyone
in there. We all jump through and end up inside Alton Towers.
“ALRIGHT, FREE SHIT!” I shout.
“Wow! You ready to go on the Smiler Tim?” Jay inquires.
“I don’t know. Something doesn’t feel right about this.”
“JUST DO IT!” Jay tries to motivate Tim.
“Like in the Adidas logo?” Tim asks him. (Hahey it rhymed!
So proud 2k15 BT for prime minister!)
“No, like the quote said by M Night Shyamalan.”
“This whole conversation is a fucking train wreck. It’s like
a metaphorical Titanic that hit a metaphorical iceberg. Or just a metaphorical
9/11, but that’s WAY too offensive for PG 13.” I say to the two idiots.
“Since when the hell was this trying to be PG 13?” The
Observer questions me.
“When Devdev Booday attempted to grind on Gamzee, when else?”
Tavrisol replies.
“WEEEEEEESNAAAAAAW!” Devdev weesnaws.
“You know what, fuck this, we’ll meet up at this spot in an
hour from now, let’s go!” We all get into groups of four and set off. I go with
HABIT, Jay and Tim (really fucking good idea, I know.) Jussiu, Allini, Alex and
John go off in another, and Tavrisol, Devdev and The Observer make a threesome.
(Wait, no, fuck!)
“So, I’ll wait for you guys while you’re on The Smiler.
After all, you might need saving quickly if anything goes wrong, we don’t know
where we are in space-time, so yeah.” They all go to queue up, but HABIT gets
impatient and wields his knife, making people move out of the way. Also,
EverymanHYBRID fangirls (and even some fanboys) were chanting something along
the lines of: “FUCK ME EVAN, FUCK ME EVAN, FUCK ME HARD, FUCK ME HARD!” Which
is actually shocking because I would’ve though more people would be yelling for
Tim, considering the fact Marble Hornets is well, the most fucking popular
Slenderman ARG on the internet, but this wasn’t supposed to have any ounce of
logic associated with it in the first place.
“If you want me to stab and penetrate you with this knife,
then stand in my way!” At this, everyone went quiet and allowed the three of
them to get to the front of the line.
Meanwhile, with the Buttfuck crew… Tavrisol, Devdev and The
Observer we’re planning on getting on the Rapids, until there was a familiar
voice that resonated throughout the whole section of the park.
“Firebrand is here, Firebrand is near, Firebrand is blazing
it in your ear.” They felt someone teleport next to them.
“FIREBRAND?! But, I thought Slendy was tenta-fucking you!”
The Observer was confused. Slendy never let HIM off that easily, and he was
probably the most loyal member of the fucking Collective.
“He went back to Brian.” Tim and his smart ideas…
“Well, now that you’re here, I guess we should put our
differences aside and ride the Rapids together.” Tavrisol says.
“I was going to anyway.” The four of them got in the queue
and got ready to go on.
Now, before we go to the main event, we’re going to go to
the final group. Dildo Fuckers Anonymous, featuring John Cebert, Alex Kralie,
Jussiu Strolt, and Allini Preyer.
“You know I really wanna fuck Jay so much at the moment.”
Ok, the first sentence is invigorating, and totally not an overused conversation
starter in Trollpasta.
“You know I really wanna ride Oblivion at the moment. I
mean, shut the fuck up about your overactive penis.” Jussiu spits at Alex.
“Alright guys, calm down, tone the sexual tension down a
bit, we need to do something before this hour is up.” John reminds everyone.
“Well let’s go fucking ride Oblivion then before a certain
fan troll has an emotional breakdown.” Allini sort of changes the topic, but at
the same time, kinda makes the situation worse.
They all move towards Oblivion.
Now, back to the main event.
Slenderman had just found out that Firebrand had gone to
Alton Towers along with the Observer. He was going to fuck their shit up.
Taking a paid leave holiday, how dare they!
I am still waiting for the Pussy Patrol squad to get off the
stupid gosh darn ride, but all of a sudden, I see tentacles coming out from
behind it, oshit, Slendy’s back. Time to get out all of the GAWD SWORDS!
I fly up to Slendy and strike him over the head, however,
although this knocks him back, the shockwaves force the two Smiler carriages to
crash into each other.
“I really fucked up this time!” I yell at myself.
I use my telepathy to save HABIT, Tim and Jay from the
wreckage, because fuck everyone else.
“HEY, WE WERE ENJOYING THAT!” HABIT shouts.
“Well sorry, but Tim did say BEFORE it crashed, he didn’t
specify how long before and I can’t do anything about that shit anyway!”
HABIT grabs his knife and goes on a massive killing spree.
“Fuck this, I’m done. If any of you are ready to leave, come
through this rip, it won’t close until all of you are back.” I leave through
the rip and shit goes downhill from there.
Slendy’s tentacles were visible all the way over from the
Rapids.
“Well shit, looks like it’s time for me to go, bye for now!”
Firebrand leaves all of them behind and teleports back to the Collective base.
“I’m reforming ISIS, and you’re the bomber, Jussiu.” Allini
murmurs to Jussiu.
“I’M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR OVERUSED BOMB JOKES!” Jussiu booms,
before warping back in time with Allini to sometime before the events of
Hamstuk Fenfec.
“I’m out, bye bitches.” The Observer goes back with
Firebrand.
Back with the other guys, Alex goes on a killing spree with
HABIT, John raps the John Cena theme and says that ‘His time is now’ before
subsequently being murdered by HABIT, Tavrisol and Devdev realise that they are
late for the annual ‘Mom’s Spaghetti Shower’ back in their dimension and
therefore go back to whatever fucked up universe they’re from.
Tim and Jay find a portal totheark (am so funneeeee) and
enter it. It turns out that it’s the gay sex party that they always dreamed of.
After the massacre, Alex and HABIT nodded at each other in approval,
and went their separate ways.
One went to join the gay sex party, the other, went to go ‘frick
Noah’ as he put it. Both of them had the same objective of getting laid, so it
doesn’t really matter to be honest.
The portal closed, as everyone had left that specific place
and time, and was destined to get back to the present day.
But if there’s one question I have at the end of this, it’s
why did I title it ‘Firebrando Kills Everyone And Takes Over the World’? Like I
mean, really, if anyone killed anyone, it was us, and he didn’t really take
over anything. Oh well. At least all this is over now.
Oh and as for the Smiler incident, the media covered it up
by making a hologram version of the park because illuminati and shit I don’t
really know at this point.
When Evan was questioned about his involvement, all he had
to say was ‘HABIT made me do it.’
There’s your top kek ending. You were probably expecting
something less crappy, so here have this cake I baked that’s filled with the
souls of the damned.
Good fucking bye motherfuckers.[[Category:WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT]]
[[Category:Stupid is as the main character does]]
[[Category:SUPR SKAREY IMAG]]
| |||
