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The webpage was a dark black, with the words "YOUR SOUL IS MINE" written in very cheesy 1990’s blood effects. In fact, most of the website looked like it was from 96’, and was rather shitty. I looked around on the website for a bit, seeing very little options. There were two icons on the webpage, one with a flame over the words "SELL YOUR SOUL HERE" and another one with a really bad clipart of a guy wearing a suit with the words "FOR BUSINESS INFORMATION" written underneath.
“Wow"Wow,” I said to myself, “What"What a sellout.” Beginning to think this was a pitiful attempt to try to convert me to Catholicism (Because I was Jewish), I decided I would click SELL YOUR SOUL HERE. The fire icon began to flame up, in a weird hyper realistic way that most 90’s clipart pieces couldn’t have achieved. Slightly spooked, I saw that the next page it opened up looked like some crappy flash game I could play on Addicting Games. It said "IS YOUR SOUL GOOD FOR THE DEVIL?" In big bloody letters. Underneath it said YES or NO. I clicked NO, simply because I’m a rebellious douche, and I was greeted to bloody text saying "FUCK YOU, LET’S DO THIS ANYWAY". I was brought a screen which showed a young woman, probably in her late twenties, tied up and gagged. She was sitting in a chair, and the bloody text appeared over her and said, "SHE’S REALLY PRETTY, ISN’T SHE? WHAT SHOULD WE DO WITH HER?" Three options sprang up, one that said, UNDRESS HER, one that said HIT HER, and the third that said LET HER GO.
I looked at these options for a while, contemplating what to do. All the options had their bad sides. I decided to pick hit her, because she was blonde, she would think she hurt herself anyway. Suddenly, the bloody text said "LET’S UNDRESS HER". I sat there still because that made no sense, I had clearly picked hit her, I didn’t really want to see a naked lady. But, I put my anger beside me because it showed her, still gagged and tied up, sitting in her underwear. The bloody text reappeared and said "MMM SHE LOOKS GOOD. WHAT SHOULD WE DO NEXT?" Two options appeared, one telling me to stroke her, and the other telling me to further undress her. I sat and pondered what to do. I had seen some pretty depraved stuff, after all, I do get a lot of email, but I wasn’t sure what I should actually do.
I was completely lost at this point. I figured that maybe I’d find out eventually just who was behind these emails, because I was seriously getting triggered and needed my safe space. Figuring that I needed to end this mystery, I opened the last file, TheBeast666.exe.
“Okay"Okay,” I said, “This"This is it.” I clicked on the file and waited for it to open up. After about 3 minutes, it finally came to life. The file brought me to a title screen of what seemed to be a game made in the FPS Creator Engine. “What"What shit,” I thought to myself, getting more triggered as each second passed. There were only two options: SEE THE BEAST and Exit. “What"What, no settings? How else can I adjust the settings for this shitty computer?” I said to myself, because I knew how crappy most FPS Creator games were. I figured it would be okay just this once and clicked the start. The game froze, and after a few minutes, I was brought to a little hallway. There were no lights and I had no weapons, no flashlight, nothing. “What"What horseshit,” I said, feeling anger rise through my veins.
I began to walk down the hall, a feeling of dread washing over me. What was down this hall? Afterall, I was in a long and dark hallway. What if it meant to hurt me? Would I be safe? I asked myself this for a while until I remembered I wasn’t a pussy, so I continued to march down the hall. As I neared the end, I heard the faint sound of music. Slightly perturbed, I slowly made my way to an opening at the end of the hall.
As I stepped out, I was shocked at what I saw.
I saw a large courtroom of Demons, Nazis, and Communists, all standing on the ground, looking up. On a high pedestal was Adolf Hitler, Josef Stalin, and a strange red figure who I couldn’t make out too well. However, something else seemed weird. The walls looked hyper realistic, and my rather cold room suddenly felt as if someone set it on fire. I quickly looked around and realized that I was in the game. “Man"Man,” I thought to myself, “I"I picked a bad day to stop shooting heroin.”
Suddenly, I heard a booming voice, which said, “WELCOME"WELCOME TO HELL, JESÚS! I HOPE YOU WILL LIKE IT HERE, BECAUSE THIS IS YOUR HOME NOW!! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!”
“What"What the heck man!?” I shouted back, “Why"Why am I in hell? Who are you?”
“I’M"I’M THE DEVIL, YA FUCK!” He roared at me, “AND"AND YOU’RE IN HELL BECAUSE OF YOUR LIFESTYLE!”
“Lifestyle"Lifestyle?” I asked.
“YES"YES, YOU DENSE SHIT! YOU DO DRUGS-”
“C’mon"C’mon, everyone in Colorado does drugs.”
“YOU"YOU LUST AND HAVE SEX WITH MULTIPLE HOOKERS-”
“What"What can I say? Pussy is my life.”
“YOU’VE"YOU’VE ABANDONED MOST OF YOUR FAMILY FOR YOUR DUMB EMAIL FETISH, AND YOU DON’T EVEN CARE ENOUGH TO KNOW THAT DURING THIS WHOLE STORY YOUR BROTHER DIED!”
“Really"Really? When?”
“WHEN"WHEN YOU WERE ON THAT WEBSITE.”
“Oh"Oh,” I said. That made me kinda sad, so I sat for about 20 seconds to cry before realizing my brother would have slapped me for crying like a pussy.
“RIGHT"RIGHT...” Said the red Batman, “BUT"BUT EVEN YOUR BROTHER’S DEATH CAN’T SAVE YOU! YOU WILL BURN FOR ETERNITY HERE IN HELL, YOU SWINE!!”
At that point, I realized something. It had clicked inside my head. I knew who this individual was. I stood tall, mustering all the strength I had in me, and I said, "FUCK YOU GRANDMA!"
Silence.
“UM"UM...” Grandma said, “OKAY"OKAY...” Suddenly, before Grandmama had a chance to do anything, I jumped up and stabbed her in the face. After I was done mutilating her body like the savage I am, I stabbed Hitler and Stalin, who were making out like a high school gay couple.
“That’s"That’s what I call, a bloody romance,” I said, as I felt the air around me become cold and the walls of my room were surrounding me once again. I took off my sunshades. I had done it. I had figured out who was haunting me. My grandmother was coming from beyond the grave to attack me, to make sure she repressed my spirit like she had done to my mental state when I was little. I breathed a sigh of relief. It was over. I had won.
I still haven’t gotten to why I don’t use email, haven’t I? Well, when I got back onto Yahoo, I noticed the Halloween theme was gone, but what scared me, what had me trembling, was when I tried to login, I was told that my account had been deleted. I sat, unable to move a muscle in my body. I was paralyzed. I shut off my computer and went to my bed, where I began to cry for the rest of the night.
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