HitLEr.exe: Difference between revisions
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{{NSFW}}
{{note|An extremely bizarre and over the top parody of Sonic.exe. Don't take it seriously.}}
[[File:HitLEr.png|thumb|HitLEr in his final form!]]
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ANY wAy, I looked at the disc and it looks like any ordinary computer CD-R floppy disc, except it had black marker on it written "HitLEr .exe", and it was much unlike Stalin or Gaddafi's handwriting, meaning that he must've gotten it from someone else, like a porn shop or eBay. When I saw "HitLEr" on the writing of the CD, I was actually aroused and wanted to play it, since I'm a a a a a a a a a BIG Hitler fan.
I went up to my room and turned on my book and put the disc in and installed the game. When the title screen popped up I noticed that it was the first Hitler game, I was like "Awesome!" Because like I said earlier I liked the classics, yet I didn't have the first game? This story makes no sense! Then again I'm a
I remember what the image looked like in that split second before the game cut to turquoise; The sky had darkened then brightened then darkened again but not quite as much as before, the title swastika was cum-soaked and upside down, the FEGEL 1941 was now instead FEGEL 69, and the water had turned white, like semen, except it looked super-ultra-mega-hyper-realistic.
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That's when I realized that this wasn't just a sexy game, it was the sexiest game alive.
Yeah it definitely looked sexy, it was really creepy, but as a smart, retard gamer, I wasn't scared (or at least I tried to be), I told myself that it was just a sexy game and there's nothing wrong with that. Anyways, shaking off the creeped out feeling I picked File 1 and chose Goebbels and when I selected and got started. The game froze for about 500,000 centuries and I heard a creepy pixelated laugh that sounded an awful lot like that Ozai guy from "Firelord Ozai Adventure 2012:
The screen stayed transparent for about 10 nanoseconds or more, then it showed the typical level title thing, except the simplistic shapes were 50 shades of grey and the text showed only "HEIL, ACT 1". The screen faded in and the level title vanished revealing Goebbels in the Green Heil Zone from Hitler 1, the music was different though, it sounded like a peaceful melody in reverse. Anyway I started playing and had Goebbels start running like you would in any of the classic Hitler games, what was odd was that as Goebbels was running along the level there was no ground and a few seals for 5 minutes, Goebbels was breaking the laws of physics! That was when the peaceful music started to lower down into slow deep tones very slowly as I kept going.
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After a minute passed after the music stopped, Goebbels was running up a wall that wasn't there and looked hyper-realistic and then he stopped, it wasn't until I saw why; Hitler was there on the other side of the screen with his back against Goebbels with his eyes closed. Goebbels looked happy to see Hitler but then his smile faltered, obviously noticing that Hitler wasn't responding to him, if not acting as if he was totally oblivious of Goebbels' presence. Goebbels walked slowly toward Hitler, and I noticed that I wasn't even moving my pencil to make him move, so this had to have been a cut scene.
Suddenly I began to have a growing feel of being back in tha hood as Goebbels walked closer to Hitler to get his attention, I felt that Goebbels was in danger
Suddenly in a split second I saw Hitler's eyes open and they were turquoise with those pink glowing dots, just like that title image, thought there wasn't a smile. When that happened the screen turned pink and the static sound was off.
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It stayed pink for about 0.00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001 seconds and then white text appeared forming a message, saying, "Hello. Do you want to have sex with me?"
At this point I was creeped out, I didn't want to continue with the game, but my curiosity got the better of me when I was taken to a different level with the level title now saying "HidE aNd
This time I was in the Asshole Island level from Hitler 3: Erotic Edition and it looked like everything was on LSD.
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Just in a split second Hitler lunged at Goebbels right before the screen went pink and sexy music played, there was a loud screeching noise that only lasted 5 nanoseconds. The text returned only this time it said "You're too sexy, want to try again?" and then that god-awful Ozai laugh and the cereal noise came with it.
I was so shocked by what had happened...did Hitler
I shook the shock off as I was brought back to the character select, the save file that had Goebbels was different; Goebbels was no longer in the box itself but in the TV screen itself, which was flickering with that multi-colour static, Goebbels' expression scared me and I committed suicide but was brought back by the Dragon Balls to continue this game and this god-awful story, his eyes were blue and filled with peanuts, his yellow uniform was now a cum-stained white and he had an expression of drunkenness on his face, which I'm surprised I could make out considering it was in 16 bit and the small fact that I'm fucking BLIND! Trying to ignore it I picked Fegelein next.
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And then in a split second Hitler lunged at Fegelein and the screen went pink with more erotic music that lasted for at least 1 second.
Another text message appeared, "So many bitches to
What the hell... Just what is going on? I started to think Hitler was actually trying to talk to me into
I was brought back to the main menu and this time the second file box had Fegelein in the TV screen, his grey uniform had darkened to a greyish grey, his hair was dripping with Fanta and his eyes were orange and filler with Fanta too, and he had a look of sadness on his face. I began to think that those are the actual characters trapped in those TV screens on the save files, but I couldn't believe it... I didn't want to believe it...
So I shut off the game and took a break. I took a nap, I'm glad I did, 'cause I then began to have the most sexy nightmare, I was in pitch black whiteness, though I was under the light given off by a lamp that hung high above my head. I could hear the cries of Fegelein and Goebbels nearby. They were saying stuff like, "Help us..." and "Why did you give us to him?" and "Run away, before he
Their cries died out as I then heard Hitler laugh, his laugh... it sounded a lot like the distorted Ozai laugh.
"You're a lot fun to
I was scared and looking around for the sauce of the voice...
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After a couple of hours I decided to continue playing the game. I don't know why, well actually I do, it's because I'm stupid and a masochist, but I had to know, I had to figure out why this was happening... So I turned on the computer, turned on the game and selected Kim Jong Un next.
I still thought that was wacky, playing as Kim Jong Un, but anyway the level title appeared again and this time it said "...
This time I was in some kind of Segway, didn't really look like it was from any of the classic Hitler games, though it has the pixelated style; the floor was shiny and checkered, the walls were a dark greyish purple with animated vibrators and a few dark jizz stains here and there, and there was a dark white curtain hanging above on the top part of the screen. Every 12 seconds or so that purple curtain sways very slowly, but whenever you're playing the game you can barely see it move, so it's pointless that I'm even mentioning it. The music was oddly pleasant, a piano playing a rather sad yet peaceful song, but I knew better, this was the song that played in Heil act 1, only it wasn't in reverse.
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