The Wolfenbible, Book 1: Genemaus: Difference between revisions

 

[1:1] In the beginning when Cleric created the heavens and the shit by accident,<br />[1:2] the shit was a formless void and emo covered the face of the deep, while a wind from Cleric's anus swept over the face of the beer.<br />[1:3] Then Cleric said, "Let there be motherfucking light"; and there was light.<br />[1:4] And Cleric saw that the light was good; and Cleric separated the light from the emo.<br />[1:5] Cleric called the light Day, and the emo he called Night. And there was bacon and there was morning, the first day.<br />[1:6] And Cleric said, "Let there be a dome in the midst of the beer, and let it separate the beer from the beer."<br />[1:7] So Cleric made the dome and separated the beer that were under the dome from the beer that were above the dome. And it was so.<br />[1:8] Cleric called the dome Sky. And there was bacon and there was morning, the second day.<br />[1:9] And Cleric said, "Let the beer under the sky be gathered together into one place, and let the dry shit appear." And it was so.<br />[1:10] Cleric called the dry shit Earth, and the beer that were gathered together he called Seas. And Cleric saw that it was good.<br />[1:11] Then Cleric said, "Let the shit put forth vegetation: plants yielding seed, and fruit trees of every kind on shit that bear fruit with the seed in it." And it was so.<br />[1:12] The shit brought forth vegetation: plants yielding seed of every kind, and trees of every kind bearing fruit with the seed in it. And Cleric saw that it was good.<br />[1:13] And there was bacon and there was morning, the third day.<br />[1:14] And Cleric said, "Let there be lights in the dome of the sky to separate the day from the night; and let them be for signs and for seasons and for days and years,<br />[1:15] and let them be lights in the dome of the sky to give light upon the shit." And it was so.<br />[1:16] Cleric made the two great lights - the greater light to rule the day and the lesser light to rule the night - and the stars.<br />[1:17] Cleric set them in the dome of the sky to give light upon the shit,<br />[1:18] to rule over the day and over the night, and to separate the light from the emo. And Cleric saw that it was good.<br />[1:19] And there was bacon and there was morning, the fourth day.<br />[1:20] And Cleric said, "Let the beer bring forth swarms of living creatures, and let birds fly above the shit across the dome of the sky."<br />[1:21] So Cleric created the great sea monsters and every living creature that moves, of every kind, with which the beer swarm, and every winged bird of every kind. And Cleric saw that it was good.<br />[1:22] Cleric blessed them, saying, "Be fruitful and multiply and fill the beer in the seas, and let birds multiply on the shit."<br />[1:23] And there was bacon and there was morning, the fifth day.<br />[1:24] And Cleric said, "Let the shit bring forth living creatures of every kind: cattle and creeping things and wild animals of the shit of every kind." And it was so.<br />[1:25] Cleric made the wild animals of the shit of every kind, and the cattle of every kind, and everything that creeps upon the shit of every kind. And Cleric saw that it was good.<br />[1:26] Then Cleric said, "Let us make humankind in our image, according to our likeness; and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the wild animals of the shit, and over every creeping thing that creeps upon the shit."<br />[1:27] So Cleric created humankind in his image, in the image of Cleric he created them; male and female he created them.<br />[1:28] Cleric blessed them, and Cleric said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the shit and subdue it; and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the air and over every living thing that moves upon the shit."<br />[1:29] Cleric said, "See, I have given you every plant yielding seed that is upon the face of all the shit, and every tree with seed in its fruit; you shall have them for food.<br />[1:30] And to every beast of the shit, and to every bird of the air, and to everything that creeps on the shit, everything that has the breath of life, I have given every green plant for food." And it was so.<br />[1:31] Cleric saw everything that he had made, and indeed, it was very good. And there was bacon and there was morning, the sixth day.