SpongeBob SquarePants vs. Joe Biden

Oh, hello their my reader. My name is Daniel Taco Munchado. I am an average dude currently living in the United States. My life was really solid until one day, an episode of SpongeBob made be shit my pants in fear and cried in a puddle of my own tears. It was quite a scary episode, of epic proportions I would say. But before I could say anything about the episode that nearly made me bomb a orphan, I have to tell you about this part first.

Part 1

It was a causal, sunny afternoon in the springtime, me and my friends were having the time of our lives in the park, having the last few fun of our soon over childhoods. Everyone was out, no one in a cry, until one big man caught my eye. He seemed to be in a large, black cloak, with some sort of hat to protect his identity. He was a sneaky fellow, but was a pedophile, he watched us young hearts doing stuff on our own, yet this man, with the intention of making life worse, threw a blunt object right in front of my path. When my day of nut kicking, gut punching day was nearly over, I seen this rectangular box, the regular size of a DVD case, lie in front of my own two shoes, Bumfuzzled, I scratched my head in clear as day confusion. So I bent over, picked up the aforementioned DVD and read the packaging. Some illustration was displayed on the box with the title reading "SpongeBob Squarepants vs. joe Biden". I was in a very upbeat and excited mood. a new exclusive, never before seen episode of SpongeBob with the current American president Joe Biden? I was eager to bring the box back to my home. So I stumbled across a car parked in the lot, broke open the front window, luckily, someone's car keys were already inside, so I drove off in the sunset, with my new and snazzy DVD to watch. When I pulled up to my house, I leaped out of the car, went into my garage and grabbed a tub of gasoline and poured it onto the vessel, then I let it burn with a match and watched the burning car.

I went through the back door of my house and went skipping up to my bedroom, I ripped open the box in excitement and plucked the disc inside my personal computer. As the episode was just beginning, I whipped out a bucket of candy and unleashed a can of Dr. Pepper, I was in a very chipper mood, all ready for new content at my disposal. What I didn't realize later was that I was going to open a new can of soggy, sticky worms.

Part 2 (Episode)

The SpongeBob theme song began, in it's purity, nothing was altered nor changed, then the title card appeared, with intense and high energy music. I though to myself this was going to be a big, grand and epic special episode (well I mean SpongeBoob and Joe Biden were fighting, so this IS special). The episode started with SpongeBob and Patrick, jellyfishing on a beautiful and pur day, all seamed fine enough, they were laughing along, catching the pink creatures, this is when SpongeBob dropped what he was doing and stared into the abyss. SpongeBob was locked dead on what he was looking at, no response, just, staring. Patrick grew concerned and tried to snap SpongeBob out of it, Patrick was getting worried each minute. Finally Patrick had enough and looked at whatever SpongeBob was locked on and he found his answer. A dark, large black creature was inching closer to our main characters. I was starting to get frightened and grabbed my vomit bin just in case any spooky or surprising thing would happen, SpongeBob and Patrick then blinked out, realized what it really was and booked out of the lush and green field. They were sprinting with all their might, Patrick, while on the run, dug himself a hole to hide out in, SpongeBob on the other hand, had no where else to shelter himself in. It seems that the creature, getting more closer at SpongeBob, was at his all time fastest, SpongeBob was yelling at his loudest, his lungs in clear agony, the creature finally caught up with SpongeBob and with one fatal swoop, SpongeBob was swished away by the hideous creature.

When this was happening, I was shitting in fear, fecal matter spewing all over my walls, the floors were all murky brown and I was just nearly about to vomit on the floor, I got up to quickly get my bucket, but I slipped in my own feces, and dramatically fell on the surface, with me puking out all of the nasty garbage out of my mouth, once it seemed I was finished, I arose from my slumber and then realized that I needed to pee, but the unfortunate thing was that my feet was glued hard onto the floor, of course by my crap. So I just pissed in the bucket. After that conundrum was finally finished, I sat back on my chair and continued with the episode.

A time card appeared, reading "Hours later", then it cut to a secret facility, clearly in the surface of the earth, it cuts to the inside of the building, the camera pans across with men in business suits, sitting in a long table probably waiting for a meeting to occur, then an arched door opens with light emitting from the opened door, the creature steps out of the shadows and reveals to be the current American president, Joe Biden. (wowzers didn't expect that holy fuck) He was clutched on a wagon with a cage with SpongeBob imprisoned inside of it, in despair. Joe Biden then unlocked the cage and SpongeBob collapsed onto the cold floor. He arose and looked around frankly, wondering where he was. All the men, stood up from their stools and all faced towards SpongeBob, Biden including. They grabbed shotguns and ak-47's from their backs and pointed it at the yellow sponge. SpongeBob, in confusion, asked why he was about to be shot at. Joe Biden said that the sponge in his skin would be used to finally kill cancer and resolve world hunger within a matter of seconds. SpongeBob was against those two things, said he would never sacrifice his life for things the world was plagued by, the men grew frustration at SpongeTits. Drawing their firearms closer towards his cubic body, each seeming more threatening each step. SpongeBob was in a state of panic, wondering what to do, finally he had a ingenious idea, he said squirrel and stole a shotgun from one of the men and shot bullets at the men's heads, a blood show was going wild inside the office room, with all the men fighting back at the chaotic and wild sponge, in a couple of seconds, every one of the business men were dead, their corpses rotting on the hard and freezing ground, SpongeBob was looking over his deceased enemies until he spotted Joe Bidden escaping the tragedy, SpongeBob caught wind and chased down Biden in a never ending hallway, SpongeBob grabbed a nuclear bomb, hiding out in a bombing room in the facility, he planted the bomb and shot at it, seconds left, SpongeBob dived out of the nearby window and quickly scurried away, the once existing building blew up into thousands of metal pieces. Doors, flags, government files and weaponry was spewed out of the bust. SpongeBob though his quest was over, until a hunched man was running towards a helicopter, SpongeBob squinted further and realized that Joe Biden got out of the already burning facility, SpongeBob made no time and rushed over to the helicopter, when he finally arrive, Joe Biden was already in air and taking off in a hurry, SpongeBob, knowing he would never catch up with the flying machine, got into a camaro and drove away.

I was screaming very loud as I kicked and punched all of my expensive valuables, this was so loud, nearby neighbors were outside my house, screaming at me to shut up or else they would smash my head open with a mallet and feed my organs to the sewer rats. I replied "okay" and returned to the episode.

SpongeBob, upgrading from his shotgun to a bazooka, was drifting along the vast wasteland of America, chasing Biden with his even more power tools to eliminate SpongeBob. SpongeBob poked his body out the window and shot power and explosive bullets at the helicopter, some shots managed to hit the helicopter, while a majority missed and instead bombed small villages or big cities. Joe Biden then unleashed his most vicious and immaculate bomb, a absolute beast of a nuke, a nuke so massive, it can wipe out half of the states and can wipe out the animal and human population to a crawling thousand still alive. SpongeBob was shocked at the nuke, so instead of shooting at it like a brainless dumbass, he drove further to the helicopter, opened a grenade and threw it upwards at the helicopter, the grenade managed to destroy the engine inside the helicopter and it started to decline in the air, once colliding to the surface, it was knocked out and was destroyed and all of the life in it was no longer their. Joe Biden crawled out of the damage and SpongeBob pointed a glock straight up a Biden's forehead. This segment took forever to pass, as the camera quickly panned from SpongeBob, to Biden, then in a quirky and wacky twist, Biden knocked the glock out of his hands and now the scene was swapped, SpongeBob frantically grabbed a piece from the mangled helicopter and used it as a shield while Joe Biden was shooting clips at him. SpongeBob picked up a crowbar and threw down the shield and use it wipe out Joe Biden. Biden threw onto the floor and arose back up and this time had a minigun, out of nowhere, he shot rapid-fire like crazy and the small yet gut killing bullets managed to go through the hallow holes of Bob. They continued their gore fight into Africa, then SpongeBob used the nuke on Biden. Biden shouted at SpongeBob on not using the nuke, saying that once lobbed, the whole world can be at stakes, SpongeBob said lick my big fat dick you son of bitch and plowed the nuke square on Biden's fat head, the nuke erupted and in no time, Africa, Ethiopia, Russia, the United Kingdom, Nigeria and Mexico were in dust after the nuke was used. Even though the blast was very impactful, SpongeBob walked out of the burning ingulfing flames in gangsta style, jumped in the lamborgini and drove back home to Bikini Bottom. While driving back, SpongeBob accidentally drove off a cliff and died subsequently, the episode blacked and the credits soon began.

Part 3

I was in tears, screaming and farting out unborn fetuses, I went to school the next week and blew up the building and managed to burn down the White House, currently I serve 50 years in prison for the naughty crimes I in-sewed, not to mentioned I also blew up a hospital and apartment building and I took part in a war against Canada and New Zealand, this DVD disc had made me the way I am in, not only in disgust, but changed my behavior in a very awful way. I wish my family in sorrows and hopefully they can live a sweet life in heaven, while i rot in the pits of Hell. Goodbye I am fat fucking loser, why did this DVD cause me In despicable pain.

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