Spongebob's Last Supper
Do you remember SpongeBob? If you don't, it's a wacky show about a seasponge, specifically an Aplysina fistularis, a yellow tube sponge that is common in open waters, named SpongeBob, and his silly shinnnanigans with his friends, Patrick the seastar, otherwise known as the starfish, plankston the phytoplankton, and Squidward. The show airs on Nikelodeon, and began in the late 90s.
So, My name is Randall, and I have some insider knowledge about this show and it's production. My father, Steven Hillenburg, created the show, and he told me I can join the Spongebob team when I get to be a big boy. Currently, I'm only 37, and I'm super duper excited for this. Today, I went down to the studio, to say hi to my dad, because my mom was nagging me just because I haven't left the house in 5 months. When I walked into the production room, one of my dad's associates told me he would be done with his work in five more minutes, and to wait outside. Actually, what she said was, "I've told you several times, Mr. Hillenburg doesn't have a son, and he has no idea who you are, and we'll have to file a restraining order if you show up here again." But I knew what she meant. That really sucked because my phone died, so I couldn't watch my family guy funny moments while I waited, so it was the most excruciating five minutes of my life. Just then, in the corner of my eye, I noticed an old DVD case laying around on a nearby table. I went to investigate, and it was an episode of SpongeBob that I hadn't heard of, which is surprising, because I am the world's number two fan, second only to Patchy the Pirate. The episode was called "SpongeBob's Last Supper". I found this interesting, could it be that new episode I've been hearing about lately? I put the DVD in my doomsday prep bag that I always carry with me, anytime I leave the house, even to get my mail, and I continued to wait.
Later that day, when I got home, I hooked up my old DVD player and got ready to watch the episode! The episode started up normally, as I would expect, but the theme song was in E minor, and slowed down plus reverb, and the title card was written in black ooze. I thought this was a bit odd, but shrugged it off as a glitch and kept watching the episode. We open at the Krusty Krab, and right away, I was nervous for what would happen, because this episode was from season 5, and Mr. Enter said if an episode from season 5 starts in the krusty krab, it's going to be one of the worst episodes of the whole series. We see spongebob in the kitchen, making Krabby Patties, and singing a silly little diddy. Just then, Spongebob gasps in horror, as he notices that while he was so busy singing his song, he didn't realize that he accidentally added slightly too much mustard on one of the patties. Spongebob starts hyperventialting, and violently shaking. Squidward hears the commotion, and peeks his head into the window thing to yell at spongebob for interrupting his reading of 'Jazz Monthly'. Spongebob suddenly puts a pause on his mental health crisis to say, "You know squidward, you could at least ask if I'm alright, or call for help, when it sounds like I literally can't breathe and might be in danger, instead of just being a total dick about everything all the time." Squidward makes a little squidward sound with his nose and rolls his eyes at SpongeBob's asinine comment. "I can't even understand his barnacle head language sometimes!" Squiddy remarks to himself, annoyedly, as he goes back to reading his book, ignoring SpongeBob's nonsense. Just then, Mr Krabs waddles into the kitchen to check on his employees. Spongebob's blue orbs glisten in the glow of the cheap krusty krab lighting fixture as he goes to greet his boss-kun. Mr. Krabs asks Spongebob and Squidward how their workdays are going, which reminds spongebob of the horror that had just bestowed him. He presents the tainted patty to his boss, awaiting the harshest of punishment. SpongeBob assumes a submissive position before Mr.Krabs, telling him to do his worst. Eugene sighed, "I'm not going to punish you again, SpongeBob! You enjoyed it a wee bit too much the last time, and it made me a little uncomfortable. You're a fucking freak." SpongeBob looked down, disappointed. He turned back towards Squidward's window. "You heard him, Squiddy! We have to give this patty a proper burial!" SpongeBob drags Squidward out back to commence the ceremony, which he conveniently already set up for some reason.
At the funeral, Spongey and Squidders were gathered around the patty's grave. SpongeBob started reciting his speech that he already had prepared ahead of time for some reason. When he was done, he asked Squidward to read his speech. Squidward however, didn't have one prepared, and didn't seem to be taking the situation seriously. "You know what Squidward, I've had about enough of your seahorse-shit today!" SpongeBob materialized a machette out of the water around him and dust particles, and slices Squidword into several pieces in a hyper-realistic, bloody mess. Spongebob chuckles to himself. "Guess they'll have to call you Squidsentence now! This is your period!" Spongebob walks away, twirling the Machette in his fingers like a badass. This was another fairly odd occurrence, but I shrugged it off as another glitch, and continued watching. Just then, Mr.Krabs tootled his tiddly crab legs outside, seeing the mess. "What the fuck did you do to Squidparagraph?" He yelled out, in disbelief. Spongebob did a dramatic gulp. "Uh erm, gotta zigzag!" He exclaimed, running to his home, as a laughtrack played somewhere in the background. Mr. Krabs shook his head in disapproval, while shaking his fist at spongebob. "The murder and dismemberment of your fellow employees is highly against company policy!" He yelled out, at his naughty worker. However, it was too late, as SpongeBob was already miles away. I was staring to get very annoyed. It was already three minutes into the episode, and SpongeBob still hadn't had a single supper yet, let alone his last. The scene then cut to SpongeBob's house, and we could hear incoherent mumbling and frantic shuffling coming from inside, while the OST from Super Mario 64 played faintly in the background, but it was slowed down, distorted, and scary! And it sounded a little hyper-realistic, if you can believe it.
SpongeBob then ran out of his house carrying Sans Undertale on his back. I gasped in horror. Now, everything in this episode was fine before this, but this was where I drew the line. How the hell did Sans manage to light his bong UNDERWATER? I hope somebody got fired for this blunt blunder. Oh well, at least I got to see one of my favorite characters in the show, Sans hasn't made an appearance in quite a while, and I'm glad they brought back this beloved character. SpongeBob asked his best friend what he should do, to which Sans replied, "Well SpongeBob, this seems like a pretty bad time, I'm Sans Undertale!" SpongeBob smiled. "Thanks buddy, you're right! You always have the best advice!" Sans nodded. "I'm Sans Undertale, I have bad times!" Spongebob looked dejected. "Y-you really think so, Sans?" Sans replied, sternly, "Time bad, Sans me!" Spongebob was disappointed to hear this, but he agreed with his best friend's assertion. He knew what had to be done. Sans, glad Spongebob saw it his way, gave a relieved, "time." Spongebob went back to the Krusty Krab, to the scene of the slaughter with a roll of extra strong scotch tape, ready to make things right. Spongebob and Sans gathered up all of squidward's body parts and taped them back together, and sat him upright at the cash register. Sans used his gaster blaster to weld his head back on, so it wouldn't be too droopy, that way he'd look a little more welcoming to the customers. Mr. Krabs tiptoed out of his office, and over to the dandy duo. "Good job boyo!" he said, "That's half of your infraction dealt with! Now I won't have to fire ye!" Spongebob, Sans, and Mr.Krabs all then jumped up, freezing in midair, as happy music played for exactly one minute and 26 seconds. Good thing I had my handy dandy stopwatch on me. Squidward would have jumped too, but he was still dead. SpongeBob then invited all his pals over for supper later that night, to celebrate the helpful new lessons he learned throughout the episode, as he is always known to do. In the final scene, we see SpongeBob back at home. Gathered around a long table with all his closest buddies, Sans, Plankton (codename: "the plank"), Squidward, now good as new, and Sandy the squirrel, this would be SpongeBob's last supper, as from now on, he would call it "Dinner" instead. And this is where the episode ended.
Honestly, I was pissed. The episode was way too short, and SpongeBob changing his iconic line at the end, "welcome to supper" to the new, "welcome to dinner" was a step too far! Clearly this decision was put in place to make the show more "woke". But I, a long time serious fan, was NOT having it! I'm not one to allow "dinner" politics in my cartoons! Plus, they clearly only brought Sans Undertale back for the fan service! They didn't even remember to add in his old catchphrase, "I'm ready, I'm ready!" so the writers clearly didn't even do their homework on Sans's character! Yeah, this episode sucked, and I wrote a strongly worded E-mail to Nikelodeon studios. They wrote back, saying something along the lines of "This is a cease and desist for harassment", I'm not sure what that means, since I don't know much legal jargen, but I think it's safe to say, The writers will swing for this, and it won't go unpunished. I popped the DVD out and smashed it to pieces with the nail-covered baseball bat I conveniently keep next to my bed, in case of a situation like this. If you ever come across a copy of this episode, please follow my example! It's for your own good!
Ok so... a few days after I destroyed the disc, I stared hearing strange noises in my house! I thought it was a glitch at first, but one night, I was hearing them more than usual. I got up to go see what it was. I froze in fear, at the sight of a vague silhouette facing the wall at the end of my living room, in my old rocking chair. I nervously asked who was there, firmly gripping my bat, just in case. Just then, a familiar voice said to me, "Aye, so ye saw the lost episode ay?" I was stunned. I knew this voice anywhere! "P- Patchy??" I dropped the bat, and approached the figure. A hand appeared on my shoulder. "That's right!" I turned around behind me, to face Patchy. "Wait, but if you're right there..." I turned back around to face the chair, and the figure turned around, revealing itself to be some dude in a gorilla costume. Patchy, the gorilla, and I all had a good chuckle at this goofy situation. I asked Patchy what he was doing here, and more importantly, how he got in my house. "Aye, it be not very wise to keep your spare key under the welcome mat!" He said with a hardy laugh, as his parrot sidekick, potty, joined in. "Now that you've endured the first true lost episode of spongebob, I can bestow upon you, infinite spongebob knowledge!" Patchy told me. "Oh sweet! Are there any other lost episodes?" Patchy laughed. "That there are, kid!" He reached into his pocket, and pulled out a USB drive. He handed it to me and told me to handle it with care. I put it safely in my desk drawer for now. I then went to bed for the night, eager to take a look at that USB when I got the chance, but I still needed a bit of time to recover from this episode first.
| Comments • 0 |
Loading comments...
|
