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God, it's hard to find a good place to start...

I'm the world's hugest, most humongous, biggest, gigantic Sonic fan in the world! You guys know me! I'm that creepy little kid who writes smut about Sonic and Shadow on fan fiction sites; creates shitty fan characters on deviantART.com and pairs them up with actual characters; starts flame wars with anyone who disagrees with my opinions: yeah, I'm just your average Sonic fan.

This is only the BEGINNING!

Trying to relive my nostalgic moments, I was looking around for my copy of Sonic the Hedgehog-- the greatest game of all time-- when I heard a knock on the front door. I jogged up to my back door and found no one there. I figured that the knocks must be coming from up stairs. I looked all around up there and found no one. Then it hit me: I haven't tried the front door yet! I ran as fast as Sonic to my front door only to find that creepy old mailman! That damn bastard always comes to my house and puts stuff in that box-- I don't know... I think he's after me...

He handed me a package. I totally was freaking out now. Never has he walked up to MY house to give me stuff! I pepper sprayed him and slam the door shut as he rolled around screaming like a little twit.

It was from my best buddy, KAIEEL!!! I opened it up only to find a disc and a note. The disc was plain and was written on with a black marker. On it was written "SONIC THE HEDGEHOG." OMG! Just what I was looking for! The blandness and obvious hand-written text must mean it's a legit copy! I took a look at the note. It was written, seemingly, fast. The writing was shaky and poorly spelled. I couldn't recognize the hand-writing as one of my friends, let alone read it. It must be from my best-est friend, Kaieel!

The note read:

"Toam, yuz gotz ta DEZTROY tis disc! I triez ta, b-but he waz too farztz fo mi! Hurrie, deztroee the DiSc now, b4 he getz YOOOOOU!"- LOVE, KAIEEL

I figured he must have been high again. I turned on my computer and put the disc in.

No copyright law in the universe is going to stop me!

Putting that damn thing in was such a taxing job. The disc tray sucked up my finger and I couldn't get it out. I ended up ripping my finger off and bleeding all over the place. No matter though... on with the game!

I saw the file's file type and noticed it was called SPONIC.ABC... huh. I came to the conclusion that it was just a typo.

I loaded it up and it started normally. I pressed start and, with my amazingly awesome brain camera, saw that for a split second and saw lots and lots of blood everywhere. Sonic's gold ring was rusted, the sky had darkened, and in the corner read "SEGA 666"! Sonic's fur was darkened and stained with blood. Worst of all, his eyes! T-they were black with red, glowing dots!... Nah, must be a glitch.

The title screen had the background from Stardust Speedway................ Tails and Knuckles and, GASP! DR. ROBOTNIK were in the TV file things from Sonic 3! It only let me play as Tails first, so I selected him and heard a laugh. Is this a port of the Sonic the Hedgehog Gameboy game? It's so glitchy!

The stage was called "Teacher, Teacher..." and Tails was shown in Green Hill Zone. Sonic stood in front of him with a blackboard. It paused for 1,567,689 seconds. Then Tails started crying for some reason. He seemed to try to reach out to Sonic with this loving expression on his face. I felt so scared for him, so I yelled at the computer for him to run! But Sonic continued to sit at the blackboard. Soon, he started to scratch at it, making a non-16 bit noise. Then Tails' head went BOOM! I saw his organs spew every where and a glob of blood hit the screen. It dripped off and a I heard a scream. It showed what was written on the blackboard. It said:

Then the screen showed the text "Failed my test... wanna try again?"

It returned to the menu select screen. Tails' TV file thing was... NO! Tails' fur was black and he was all bloody! I pressed on Knuckles, 'cause, ya know. Curiosity got me too.

Knuckles' stage was all like, from the Scrap Brain Zone. And blood was everywhere. Knuckles looked angry at Sonic. It was almost like in my fan fiction; Knuckles caught Sonic cheating on him with Tails! Anyways, Knuckles tried to punch Sonic but Sonic dodged and and shook his head NO. Then he got his board and it said "Tried too hard... one more chance!" The he kicked Knuckle in the face and his foot went right through! Awesome!

The screen faded to black and I heard a scream. Knuckle looked like Tails.

I shut the game off and went to go take a nap. All that excitement made me piss my pants.

I dreamt about Sonic teaching me. "Your not doing it right...," he pointed out. Not doing what right? "You all are not doing it right...," then he ran up and bit my head off. Whoa, man...

I went to go play some more. This time I could only play with Eggman. He too, was being taught by Sonic. The floor was checkered and the walls were purple with torches and blood was everywhere and more blood too. Eggman kept shouting "GET A LOAD OF THIIIS!" Sonic just sat by his board, smiling this devilish grin. Like this, see:


Then Sonic pulled off his mustache and strangled Robotnik with it. The screen went dark and the text on the board read "Do it right, TOAM!... Ready for round 2?"

Play time is OVEEEER!

I screamed and ran faster than Sonic away from my computer, got a hammer, ran faster than the speed of sound back to my computer and smashed it. It exploded for some reason when I poured my Kool-Aid all over its exposed circuit board and my face burnt off. I forgot I was still bleeding and I got dizzy, so and I went to go take another nap when I saw a Sonic plushy sitting atop my bed with bleeding eyes. I ran out of the house and never looked back. My house exploded and I saw it crumble.

I've been on the run ever since. Sonic has been after me. This is 100% real. I tried posting my story on every other site I could find, but none would take it. I thought this site might be a good bet. Please, if you ever find this God forsaken disc, don't do anything to it. It's a wonderful game.

I know this other guy named Tom got the game too. He posted his story and everyone makes fun of it. And mean people like YuriofWind, everyone on this site, everyone who has ever read it, even me, make fun of him, now he's dead! Poor Tom!

- Toam

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