Squidward's Suicide but I wrote it from memory

You want an explanation? No. Fuck you.

I was an intern at Nickelodeon Studios. Shit was cool, got to look at episodes of shows before they aired. One day, during the production of "Sand Castles In The Sand", we got a file labeled "Squidward's Suicide". We thought this was just a joke on the staff because some episodes had rude placeholder titles, like "How Sex Doesn't Work". So we booted up Windows Media Player and watched.

It started out with Squidwad practicing his clarinet. SpongeBob and Patrick were dicking around out front and disturbing his play. Skidward told them off and continued practicing. The scene changes to a theater where Skodware is preforming. He fucks it up, and the audience booed him. Their eyes looked really realistic. I remember one comment particularly: "Damn bro, why yo nose so fuckin' big? Big-ass nose."

Next thing my ass knows, Skidrow's staring down the screen with fucked up eyes. "Say It Ain't So" played in the background, albeit muffled. Voices filled the airwaves saying things like "Fairy", "Fruit", "Homo", and "2gay2lift". Then we saw a pink flash. My best mate Steven went back and paused it on that flash.

It was dead children. I shat and came. We continued. SBritishPoundSterlingward found a shotgun. More pink flashes, more dead children. Squidfard placed the shotgun in his mouth. Pink flash, dead kid. Midward fired the gun and his fuckin' watermelon-ass head painted the ceiling as he fell to the ground with a thud. It ended there

Questioning what we just saw, we asked the higher-ranking staff what just happened. After some time, we were only able to come up with a few scant facts. The employee who'd made this (Some hobo named Andrew Skinner) had been fired two years ago for odor. The file had been edited 24 seconds before it reached us. Stephen Hillenburg had no idea this existed. None of the VAs remembered working on this (except Tim Conway, which was weird since he never appeared).

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