Suicune's Suicide
Growing up, my favorite video game was Pokemon Crystal. My older brother and his friends were into Pokemon, so when I was finally old enough for my parents to let me play it, you wouldn't ever see me without my Game Boy Pocket, playing the game. I would play every single day, at least once a day, until eventually I decided that I was too cool for Pokemon and traded in my Game Boy at GameStop for an Xbox and a copy of Call Of Duty. While at the time I thought it was the best way to fit in, I always missed playing Pokemon.
But I put that out of my mind until a few months ago, when I went to the local garage sale. I noticed that an old copy of Pokemon Crystal was for sale. It was exactly the same as I remembered my old cartridge being, except for a few small differences. Firstly, the game didn't have a label. Instead, "Pokemon Crystal" was written on the cartridge in permanent marker. Secondly, the price sticker on the cartridge had a negative sign imprinted next to the location of the price. I wondered to myself "It must be a mistake." Thirdly, everytime that I looked at the game I felt a strong sense of dread. But despite these differences, seeing the cartridges gave me a wave of nostalgia and longing for the good old days of 1998. So I decided that I had to buy the cartridge immediately. I went up to the owner of the garage sale and showed him the cartridge. I reached for my wallet, but he just laughed and said that there was "no need for that". He then handed me $50 and told me thank you for the purchase. I was confused by this.
I said "Sir, why would you give me money if I'm the one who's the one who's buying your merchandise?"
The man simply laughed and said "You paid the price on the sticker, -$50. Of course, some things cost more than money..."
I was a little confused about what he meant but gratefully accepted the money. Little did I know that I would soon be regretting that decision...
Later that day, I used the $50 to buy a Gameboy from Best Buy. It just so happened to be my original Game Boy Pocket that I had as a kid!! I could tell because I wrote my name on it in permanent marker. I asked if there was a way that I could also play on my old copy of Pokemon Crystal, but the attendant somberly told me that the battery on the cartridge had died and that the save file had been deleted, so they threw it out.
I quietly mourned the loss of my Pokemon, but my sadness faded away as soon as I remembered that I could still play the cartridge from the garage sale! So I rushed home and put the cartridge in the Gameboy. I turned on the Gameboy, and heard the startup sound for the first time in years.
I didn't fully realize at the time, but something was slightly off about the sound of the Gameboy powering on. It was lower pitched than I remembered it, and almost sounded like a person desperately screaming in pain. I now wonder, after my experience, was that what made the original Gameboy sound, but nobody knew because it was pitched up to the point of sounding like a beep? How could people get so much pleasure from something that came from so much pain?
But I'm getting ahead of myself. I turned on the Gameboy and felt a rush of unease, but the unease was completely cast aside as I saw the familiar old Pokemon Crystal title screen. I pressed "A", with my knees buckling in anticipation of finally being able to play my favorite childhood game again. Little did I know that an unwelcome surprise would be waiting for me as soon as I pressed that button.
When I got to the initial menu screen, I noticed that something was slightly off. The screen had two options: New Game, and Options. There was no way for me to continue! I had wanted to continue so that I could see what the save file was like for the previous owner, but it now seemed as though that was an impossible task. Had the man at the garage sale never played the game? If so, why would he be selling it to people? The thought filled me with dread, but I put the dread aside and started a new game.
I played through the game as normal until it was time for me to pick a starter Pokemon. I went right up to Cyndaquill (the starter Pokemon that I had as a kid) and attempted to pick it, but as I tried to select the Pokeball, Professor Elm said
"CYNDAQUIL doesn't want to be your partner!"
I was confused and tried again, only to be met with the same result. Next, I went up to Totodile and attempted to pick it, only for Professor Elm to tell me
"TOTODILE doesn't seem to like you!"
I thought that the game must be glitching heavily, probably because of how old the cartridge was. So I reluctantly picked Chikorita, and the game continued as normal, at least for awhile. I played the game and was having fun all the way until I rang the bell at the top of Ho-oh's tower. Normally, Raikou, Entei, and Suicune are supposed to come out at that point.
However, that was not what happened that fateful day.
Instead, only Suicune left the tower. It left slowly, reluctantly, walked right up to my character, looked at my character somberly for a few seconds, and then ran off into the distance. This interaction filled me, not with dread, but with an indescribable somberness.
I looked at my Pokegear, and saw that Suicune was now roaming around Johto. This didn't usually happen, usually Suicune can be caught by the player in a set encounter and only Raiku and Entai roamed around. But I assumed it was a lapse in memory, and remembered how fun it was to catch Raiku and Entei as a child, and decided to track Suicune down. I looked at where Suicune was, Route 24. I decided to go there and surprisingly enough, on my very first encounter, I found Suicune! But it ran away immediately, before I could even make a single move. Usually, you're allowed to make at least one move before the Pokemon runs away. Also, instead of saying "Suicune fled!" like normal, it said "Suicune desperately fled!" If only I had desperately fled as well, desperately fled away from this game cartridge...
I checked my Pokegear again, determined to catch Suicune. It appeared that Suicune was in Lavender Town.
"That can't be right", I thought to myself. "Lavender Town doesn't have any way to encounter Pokemon!"
Putting aside my doubts, I decided to go to Kanto, but as soon as I got to the place that it was located, a chill ran down my spine. You see, the Pokemon Tower is in Lavender Town, which in Pokemon Crystal had been turned from a scary, almost dreadful, ghost cemetery town, into a happy place that features a radio station. The music even changed to reflect this. But when I went to Lavender Town, the music from the old games started playing. Not just the music from Red and Blue, the music from Red and Green. The original Japanese versions, the very same song that led thousands of children to take their own lives, through a process known as... what was it called? I couldn't quite place what the term was for killing yourself, or why it felt so familiar to me.
Nevertheless, I pressed on, finding that the radio tower was exactly the same as normal. But when I entered the tower, instead of finding a radio station, I found a completely abandoned tower. The music had been entirely replaced with the sound that Unown make on the radio. I cautiously climbed the tower, my dread and unease increasing with each step. Just how glitched was this copy of the game? Eventually, I encountered a Gengar. This was incredibly uncanny to me. Normally, Gengars aren't encountered in the wild, but this one was. The other thing that was off is that instead of being named Gengar, the Gengar already had a nickname: "ETHAN". Ethan was the name of my brother, who was the person who got me into Pokemon. However, I just assumed it was a glitch and a coincidence, since ETHAN is the default name for the male character in the game. Although something about it felt wrong, I caught the Gengar. I needed a Pokemon that could use "Mean Look", in order to prevent Suicune from escaping. When I caught the Gengar, the game didn't seem to anticipate it.
The screen flashed different colors before saying "ETHAN was caught...", as though the game itself was trying to stop me.
Eventually, I reached the top of the tower, where Suicune was standing and waiting. Its sprite looked slightly off color, as though it was devoid of energy. Maybe even devoid of life. I assumed that this would be like all of the other scripted encounters and it wouldn't run away, but just to be sure, I had my newly-obtained Gengar use "Mean Look". As I moved the D-Pad in order to select Mean Look, I felt an extreme feeling of dread, a visceral reaction not to do it. I hesitated, feeling the weight of my fingers hovering above the Gameboy controls. But I couldn't risk the Suicune getting away and having to track it down again. I pressed "A".
Suddenly, Suicune's sprite changed. It got down off all fours, laid on the ground, and tears started streaming out of its eyes. The Suicune didn't attack the next turn, instead using "Roar". When it used roar, Suicune let out a sorrowful cry of pain, similar to the one that I heard at the Gameboy startup ding. It kept using Roar with every Pokemon that was sent out, and kept making that same awful blood-curtling sound, and always went first so I couldn't attack it. However, I had used Mean Look so the battle couldn't end.
I didn't know what to do, but then I reailized that my Gengar had Torment, which is a move that stops a Pokemon from using the same move twice in a row. The fact that the Gengar knew that move caused some dread to bubble up inside of me. It was strange, since I thought Torment wasn't introduced until Ruby and Sapphire. But I chalked it up to myself misremembering again and used the move. Suicune started sobbing even more violently for what felt like hours, until the tears eventually stopped flowingcompletely. Suicune was completely still.
Then the game said "SUICUNE doesn't know what to do!" and "SUICUNE used STRUGGLE!"
Struggle, of course, doesn't effect Gengar, because it's ghost type. Suicune took a lot of recoil damage though, about one third of its HP. It didn't react to this damage, but it instead began to bleed. The blood was extremely realistic, and the way it flowed could have only been replicated by someone who was witnessed a lot of violence. It was detailed too, and it seemed to be of a higher quality than the Gameboy could produce. In retrospect, what was possibly most disturbingly of all, its name was now displayed as "SUICINE". I was too entranced to realize this. My lust for catching the Suicune had not yet been satiated. I had my Gengar use Nightshade, taking out another third of its HP. Now, the Suicune started crying blood, and its name was now displayed as SUICUDE.
But before I could use a Pokeball, the game said "SUICUNE couldn't take it anymore!" and the game left the battle, leaving me standing in the Pokemon Tower again.
I saw Suicune drag itself towards the edge of the tower and throw itself off.
I saw Suicune commit suicide.
What I then witnessed was an incredibly graphic depiction of Suicune's body hitting the ground, and breaking apart into mutilated remains. I was completely shocked. At this point, it couldn't be a glitch, it had to be some kind of a prototype. But what kind of a prototype would have so much gratuitous violence in a children's game? I pondered this as I climbed down the tower. When I left the tower, I found that every single NPC was gone. Eventually, I checked my party. All of the Pokemon in my party were covered in Suicune's entrails, and looked as though they were in a state of shock, with their eyes wide open and their mouths agape. Then, one by one, they left my party.
I watched as, one by one, my Pokemon left me.
"FURRET desperately fled!"
"NOCTOWL desperately fled!"
"MARILL desperately fled!"
"GRAVELER desperately fled!"
"MEGANIUM finally gave up on you."
The only Pokemon remaining in my party was ETHAN, which had a sorrowful expression on its face. When I checked its status, the status screen simply read "Why did you do it?". When I exited the menu, "ETHAN USED CURSE" appeared. I checked my party again, but ETHAN was now gone. I had no more Pokemon. I was utterly alone.
And yet, the game went on. Pokemon Crystal has a failsafe incase the game breaks that you will always automatically win Pokemon battles if you have 0 Pokemon in your party, or so I learned from my hours of fooling around with Gameshark back in my halcyon days.. So I could now easily beat the game! Every cloud has a silver lining. Or so I thought, but I didn't feel good about myself. I felt horrible sorrow. I now realized that Suicune had only wanted to be left alone, and ran away from me at every turn, never being violent. Despite that, I went out of my way to chase it, and harass it with a ghost. How could I have done this? But no, it wasn't my fault. If the Suicune would have simply allowed itself to be caught, then no harm would have been done. Suicune was the one that committed suicude. Suicune was the one who traumatized all of my other Pokemon. So I have a completely clear conscience. Or so I told myself, in vain.
I walked to Saffron city, to see if there were any NPCs there. There were, but eerily, they didn't have their normal dialogue.
Instead, they simply said to me "Why did you do it?".
At this point, I was very confused. But I decided that now would be a good time to go and beat Red, so I could finish this game before I wiped the save file and tried a fresh start. So I walked up Mt. Silver, instantly winning every wild and trainer battle, but things weren't entirely normal. Occasionally, the game would flash as though I had taken poison damage. Then, just as I entered the room to Red, the screen turned white and displayed this:
Needless to say, this filled me with more dread than anything that had came before. And yet, I talked to Red.
All that Red would say is "Why did you do it?" over and over and over again.
He just kept talking and talking and it seemed like it would never end.
Finally, he said. "You could have saved them. But now, it's too late".
Then the game started to glitch out like crazy. The disfigured remains of every Pokemon that used to be in my party flashed the screen. Each of them had also committed suicide, and all of the Pokemon who saw that suicide commited suicide in turn, creating a viscious domino affect.
The gory deaths of every Pokemon were displayed in such visceral detail that I can't explain exactly what they looked like. I had to block it out of my memory just to stay sane. With all of these deaths indirectly caused by me, you might suspect that my dread and somberness would have reached a precipice. But those feelings were subconsciously put aside for ones of terror and agony. Despite knowning it was pixels on a screen and shouldn't matter, I inexplicably felt just like the Suicune had felt before it jumped off the edge of the Pokemon Tower.
Anyways, the glitching eventually stopped and I was surprised to learn that I was starting a Pokemon battle with Red. When the battle started, Red sent out his iconic Pikachu, except it looked slightly different. It had the same dead look in its eyes that all of my Pokemon had before they left my party. Then, I sent out my Pokemon, which was a Missingno. The Missingno seemed normal, but instead of being named Missingno, it was named "Missinglife". Its only move was "Selfdestruct". I used it, and it died.
I realized in that moment that the move Selfdestruct was a lot like suicide, and yet it was in a game for children. Even regular Pokemon games have that move! And it's an effective way to deal with enemies! Do the developers secretly want children to kill themselves? Is that why all of those children did, with Lavender Town being a phoned-in excuse?! I pondered all of these things as Red sent out his next Pokemon. I sent out a new Pokemon, named "Missingfamily.", which again only had Selfdestruct. This went on until all six of his Pokemon were gone. Then Red jumped off of Mt. Silver, with his corpse being shown in graphic detail. The specific details of the human anatomy that were shown as his body splattered on the ground could have only been known by someone who was very familiar with it. Either Gamefreak hired a doctor to work on this part of the game... or...
I put that thought out of my mind. After Red's incredibly graphic death, the game simply said
And froze. I tried to turn the game off, I tried pressing every button, but nothing happened. Then Suicune's mutilated body appeared (which jumpscared me) and gave the same bloodcurdling scream it did before, this time with no distortion at all. It also was at an extremely loud volume, loud enough that my ears began to bleed.
Then the game restarted, and gave the regular start up ding. At this point, I had seen enough. I threw the Gameboy at the wall and decided never to play it again.
But the worst part isn't anything that happened in the game, it's what came next.
Just then, I got a call from my mom. Normally, I welcome these calls, but this time I was inexplicably filled with dread. Regardless, I answered the call, where I was met with my mom telling me "I don't know how to tell you this, but we just received word that Ethan committed Suicune". I was extremely confused by this. Her saying this was way too close to what I experienced when I was playing that cartridge. And there was no way that she knew what Suicune was! Was I having some kind of psychotic break? Was everything about this cartridge a hallucination? Did I destroy my Gameboy for NOTHING?! No, that couldn't be the case. I had just taken my medication. I reasoned that maybe Suicune was added into Pokemon Go. But even if that were the case, it still wouldn't make any sense to say Suicune in this context. You don't commit Suicune! You commit... suicide...
"Do you... do you mean he committed suicide?" I asked feebly.
"I know you might want to deny it, but no. I'm so sorry... He committed Suicune. Your brother killed himself."
"But killing yourself is called suicide! He would have had to commit suicide! Not Suicune!"
"What are you talking about?! Have you really never learned to correctly pronounce Suicune? Oh well, it's not worth fighting over such a frivolous dispute when your brother is dead."
I was so shocked that I had to hang up. I was going insane, that was the only explanation. I was hallucinating, I took drugs and forgot it, I'm in a coma, I desperately tried to reason why my mom called suicide "Suicune". But I knew internally that it was all in vain. The only way I could settle this is by looking up suicide, and seeing that my mom was playing an epic prank on me. So I opened Bing and searched suicide, only to be meet with the Pokemon Suicune. And then I searched Suicune, only to be met with something called the "Suicune Hotline". The words had completely swapped. My dread became completely overwhelming, and I let out a scream not unlike the scream I heard Suicune make...
Ever since then, I've stopped going to work, I've stopped spending time with friends and family, I've only thought in horror about what I've experienced and eaten out of my pantry. The only reason that I haven't taken my own life is that I don't know what the act would be called. I've decided to have a garage sale next week so I can afford more food. If you ever see a copy of a Pokemon game without a label on it, desperately flee. Otherwise, there might be consequences. Because some things... cost more than money.
Written by Ned Dillard
Content is available under CC BY-SA
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