Superbad Director's Cut

Hello everybody, my name is Jonathan Flibbertigibbet. And I wanna tell you about this spooky encounter I had with this lost DVD.

It was a pretty normal day not going to lie, but I was bored as hell so I decided to go out for some fresh air. Then I walked to a store that sold DVDs and probably other stuff but I don't care. I saw a DVD of Superbad, which is probably like my favorite movie of all time ever!! You know that movie that spawned a meme about a kid that named himself after McDonald's? Anyways, I bought the DVD and the clerk told me that it was a total of $4.20. Kinda wacky, but I guess that's what it is. Then I walked home but not before I went to Burger King for a yummy burger and that shit was fire.

When I got home, I literally threw the DVD into my DVD player. That's how good my aim is. The title screen was a bit different though, instead of just showing Evan dancing and Seth's drawings in the background, it was just a plain screen with only one option, which was "Play". There wasn't even the funky fresh music that played alongside Evan's dances. So I hit play, and the movie started immediately, there weren't even any logos or shit. It started normally with Seth driving and talking to Evan. The conversation went like this:

Seth: Evan, why do you like Fogell? That guy fucking sucks, man!

Evan: Goddamn it, Seth! Why do you hate the guy so much??

Seth: Cause he's such a pussy, don't you remember this weekend? He threw up after two drinks!

Evan: Fuck you man, I'm sick of you talking about Fogell like that.

Evan then hung up abruptly. It cuts to Seth showing up to Evan's home, like in the movie. Evan walks out to Seth's car and gets in. I was a little confused. What's with these extra lines being put in? Why is Seth so mean to Fogell?? It cuts to the school, skipping the scene where Seth gets spat on by that one dickhead guy. Seth and Evan are both in the cooking class, when Fogell walks in. "Hey gang, what's up?" Seth walks up to Fogell and punches him in the throat! "Agh! What the fuck Seth!" Fogell leaves the room with Evan trailing behind him. "Evan, get the fuck back here!!" Seth yelled. Everyone looked at Seth as he awkwardly runs out of the room. It skips to the scene where Seth and Evan meet Fogell outside with his fake ID. The conversation went like this:

Seth: Where the fuck is Fogell?? He said he'd meet us out here, and I've been waiting for him!

Evan: Will you just calm down and stop yelling??

Seth: Evan, I'm sick of you constantly being a pussy, Fogell is rubbing that shit off on you.

Fogell: Gang, what's up guys?

Seth: Fogell, where have you been?!

Evan: Hey, Fogell.

Fogell: Check it out!

He shows them the fake ID, which says the exact same thing it did in the film: McLovin. "WHY DOES IT SAY MCLOVIN?!?! THAT'S A DUMB FUCKING NAME, FOGELL!!" Seth angrily yells. Fogell then gets mad, and leaves while yelling "You two are fuckers! Suck on my nuts!" Despite this, they still meet up at the liquor store, where Seth and Fogell have the same argument.

Fogell walks into the store, and successfully gets the alcohol, and the robber walks in, but instead of punching him, he held a gun to Fogell's head. "Oh fucking fuck fucking fuck shit!!" Fogell yelled. "SHUT UP OR YOU GO BANG!!" the robber yelled. Seth and Evan are then shown at the door, and Seth runs off leaving Evan behind. "Seth, where are you going?? What about Fogell?" Seth yelled back "Fuck him! That guy's got a gun, we're fucked!" Then like in the movie, he is hit by a car but instead of simply falling, he smashes his head on the ground, while bleeding out. Seth dies. "..Seth?" Evan says, timidly while walking up to Seth. The driver walks out, and freaking out, simply yells, "Oh my God!!" Evan then punches the driver in the nose, before kicking him in the shin causing the driver to fall down to the pavement. It goes back to Fogell, who decides to get some balls and kicks the robber in HIS balls. He falls down as Fogell grabs his gun and shoots him in the head. He quickly runs out of the store with the alcohol to Evan. "What happened to Seth??" Fogell says frantically. "He got hit by this guy." Evan says. Fogell and Evan then decide to beat the shit out of the driver. "Fuck you!!" Fogell yells. They leave the driver bloodied and bruised.

The cops then show up. "Oh, shit." Evan says. They both run off as Slater and Michaels (the cops) follow them. "Fuck, fuck, fuck!" Fogell yells as the cops gain on them. Evan flings the alcohol back at the police car which causes the car to swerve and crash into a lightpost. Fogell and Evan stop as the post nearly falls on them. "OH GOD!!" Fogell screeches. "We just killed two police officers, destroyed a lamppost, and almost killed ourselves. For liquor and pussy." Evan says, with a slight somber tone. They both walk up to the police car and it shows that neither Slater nor Michaels were killed. They both jump out of the car and hold Evan and Fogell and gunpoint. "What the fuck!!" Fogell yells. "Alright boys, we're gonna take you down to the station, fuckers!" Michaels yelled out. "Wait, sir please we can explain this!" Evan yelled. Slater then shoots Evan in the chest. "Oh, what the fuck.." Evan says quietly as he drops to the ground. "AAAAAGGHH!!!!" Fogell shrieked. Slater then promptly shot Fogell as well. "Aaarghh.." Fogell choked out as he also fell to the ground.

The End

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