THE LOST FLINTSTONES EPISODE: DINO DIES
Foreward: CRO-MAGNONS BEWARE- YOU ARE IN FOR A STONE AGE SCARE
I've come to tell you a very scary thing that happened just last week that left me terrified, so frightened, and it was from a cartoon of all things! I'm sure many of us remember tuning into watching Warner brothers cartoons as kids like the Jetsons, Looney Tunes, Magilla Gorilla, and even...The Flintstones.
Those were some good childhood memories, but after what I just witessed, now I cannot look at The Flintstones, or Hanna Barbera the same way ever again. I know you might not believe me, but trust me when I say that I warn of a great danger.
It was on a Saturday that I decided to check my mailbox for anything new as I was on my morning jog. To my surprise there wasn't just junk mail in there, but a mysterious package with no labeling on it. It was just a brown envelope with the words "THE FLINTSTONES: DINO DIES" scribbled on it in black pen, and below it was much smaller text. It was initials that read "D.J". Where could this package have come from, and why was it sent to me?
As an avid Flintstones fan I knew that "Dino Dies" wasn't the name of any exixsting episode, so I was interested in figuring out what could be inside this package.
When I cut it open, inside was a VHS tape! That's how I knew that this thing was pretty old. The tape was completely blank, but what was this? There appeared to be dark red stains covering the sides of it. Was this blood?
I got my VHS player from my basement, and although it was old I still got it to work. With a feeling of slight hesitation I slipped the tape in, and after a few moments of silence the video began to play.
Sure enough the episode started with the classic intro we all remember, but as the singers continued to sing the footage skipped a few frames here and there, and the audio began to become slightly distorted. I hit my VHS player a few times to get it to stop and it worked. With no trouble the episode began and to my dismay, it displayed the words "DINO DIES" as the title of the episode.
The episode opened with Barney reading the newspaper while at the dinner table as Betty spoke to him about being there for Fred during the upcoming funeral, and I was surprised that they decided to start the episode like this. As Barney spoke I could see that he was smoking the biggest cigar I had ever laid my eyes upon, both in real life and fiction, as it practically pointed across the table. The phattest puffstick. The most devious doobie. I was shocked.
The screen flashed forward to a new scene where everyone sat around all sad and frowning at the funeral service, especially Fred who looked quite miserable. It then panned over to show Dino in a Dino-shaped coffin about to be lowered into the ground. A funeral speaker walked up to the podium and said his opening remarks.
"We have gathered here today to mourn the passing of Fred Flintstone's beloved pet brontosaurus Dino T. Wellington, as he passed away just last week after being struck by a foot-powered car. We here at the funeral only ask for each of you to pay respects and say your final goodbyes before Dino joins God."
As more and more people of Bedrock walked up to the coffin and touched it, Fred was the last one to go up. To my surprise, he just stood there with a blank expression on his face. The music that was playing cut off and Fred stopped moving. I heard weeping sounds that I thought came from outside, but they were from the tape. It sounded like Fred was crying and it was only getting louder.
His cries bellowed through my speakers but the tape still wouldn't play. I thought it was a glitch, so I banged on my tape player some more until something scary happened! Fred turned his head towards me and his eyes were glowing BLOOD RED! It startled me so bad I went "YELP!" and jumped 2 feet in the air!
Why did he do this? There's no way Fred Flintstone was really inside my screen, right?
Strangely the rest of the episode was quite...dark. As in, all of the color vanished from the footage and it became like that of a noir style with black and white. It was certainly giving me the creeps after what happened. "What was going to happen next?" I thought, but I would quickly learn to regret asking that question. If I had known how bad things have gotten, I would have shut off the tape right then and there and threw it in a river.
It cut to Barney tossing and turning in bed as if he was having a horrible nightmarwe. But I had noticed someting was off, and so did Barney. Just then, a loud shriek woke him up and he leaped out of bed in surprise. He noticed Betty wasn't there with him in bed like usual, and he walked downstairs to look for her. It was a dark night, so he had to hold a candle with him to investigate the noise that seemed to come from Fred's house. I could barely anticipate the horror I would witness.
Barney stepped outside as the sky was as dark as a black pot kettle with coal with thunder rumbling. He shuffled up to the front door of Fred's house and looked at the sign hanging on the wood.
Instead of it the sign saying "This house is owned by Fred and Wilma Flintstone" it said something far more ominous. I couldn't believe it. The sign said "This house is owned by DREAD and KILLMA GRIMSTONE". But nothing could prepare me for when Barney oepend the door....
Holding the candle ahead of him, light shed in on the room and showed a morbidly frightening sight. At the dinner table, Fred Flintstone and Willma, no, the MONSTERS that they become with scraggly hair and sharp fangs and red beady eyes, where EATING BETTY! She had been cooked and cut up and was being served on plates! Wilma, no, "Killma" was dipping Betty's hand in sauce, and "Dread Grimstone" was gnawing on Betty's severed head, her eyes dangling out of the sockets, his teeth sharp and jagged biting her exposed skull.
"Fred whaddya doin' that's my wife!" Barney yelled
"She taste pretty good ayy Barn'? HAHAHAHAHAHA!" Fred spoke in a demonic voice
The sight was so gross and disturbing I became sick and puked in my giant stinky bucket! I looked up back at the screen just as Barney had already ran out of the house screaming in terror.
He had dropped his candle and went to hide behind a rock. It was very dark and I could barely see him, but just then some little gay green alien (gay as in happy like the intro) poofed into the scene. I forget his name so excuse me because I haven't watched the show for a long time. Just like me, the little alien could tell Barney was in destress.
"What seems to be the matter earthling?" it said
Barney was in shambles and stuttering so much. He tried to get the words out.
"M-my friend Fred in there! In his house he became a c-c-c-cannibal! He ate Betty and-and-and oh my god he might eat everyone else in this city if I don't stop him! But I haven't the slightest idea of what to do! Him and Wilma are s-s-scary!"
"Now pipe down you cro-magnon meekling! I've got just the thing that'll make your friend head for the hills and never bother you or anyone else ever again!"
In a spark of light, the alien presented a Pedersoli Double Barrel Flintlock Shotgun in front of Barney.
"I dunno what this is sir" Barney said pointing to it. "It's a gun. It has 4 bullets in it and can be used to blow people away." the men loving green alien person said as it demostrated the rifle's firepower by firing one of the bullets already. With that Barney was confident enough to take the gun and go back to where he came from as his alien friend disappeared in a puff of smoke.
Barney walked back to Fred's house and this time snuck in through the back door to catch them by surprise. He peered around a corner as the walls where glowing slightly from the flickering flames coming from the kitchen.
It was there Brian saw such a horrific sight. Dread and Killma Grimstone where making a spitroast with Mr Standstone as the meal! He was tied to the rope and was already dead from the burns all over his body. I couldn't believe this. How could Fred let this happen to his own boss?! Was this an act of revenge?
"Guess he got his just-deserts huh Dread?" Killma said before cackling like an evil witch with her snake tongue flailing arouund in her mouth.
Barney stepped into the room with his shotgun and took aim. With a bang the bullet shot out and it looked like it grazed Fred's hair by an inch. Both of the demons turned to have him before one of them, Killma, began to spider crawl at Barney very scarily. Barney ran from her and she can barreling aftrer him, knocking pots and pants over, causing the kitchen to fatch fire.
Killma was about to lunge at Barney but he fired another bullet, this time hitting her head and making it explode into a comically large blood fountain. I was shocked. Why would the storyboard artists at Hanna Barbera animate something like this?
With only Fred, or as he was called "Dread" left, he leaped at Barney steadfast like that of a grizzly bear, mouth drooling with hunger, only for Barney to side swipe him, causing Dread to stumble and fall into the piles of kitchen supplies as the entire room had its flames spread of all sides, surrounding both of them.
I thought Dread was down for good, but he kept moving, trying to get up with a bullet wound planted right in his chest. Barney went to take another shot, but realized he was out of bullets. The fight was at a stand still.
"F-fred.." Barney weakly said, tears dripping from his eyeballs "I thought w-we used to be friends together..."
Just then, multicolored arrows appeared over both of their heads, and Dread looked like he was about to sing, but then the arrows disappeared for some reason. Dread began to speak instead.
The mouth of the demonic caveman ushered strong words.
"Face it Barn'! The family dynamic is worthless! It's a distraction! No true perfect society can exist without millions having to struggle and die at the hands of those in power! Why wait for our skin to peel off from the fires of Hell we're put in, when we can act now and reach Heaven by grinding our bones to dust?!"
"Fred, that's crazy talk!" Barney yelled. "I dunno what's gotten over you, but I'm putting a stop to it!"
"Not joining eh? Fine then. Not like it'll matter. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" Dread chortled, as his entire body began to hover off of the ground and be baked in bright white light. The rocky roof of the household began to crack and split apart, the pieces hover in mid air like through telepathic means.
I couldn't believe my eyes. I was shocked. Dread Grimstone's entire body morphed into the shape of a massive meteorite that hung precariously in the sky. The worst of all, it had his face on it! It looked just like the evil Moon from The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask but with Dread Grimstone's awful, toothy grin on it!
"WITNESS YOUR YABBA-DABBA DESTRUCTION!!! YAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!"
The Meteor smashed into the ground, creating a blast that completely disintigrated Barney down to his bones in a split second in firey glory. The screen was consumed in a bright blinding white light and my TV speakers shook with a loud rumble.
But what happened next surprised me even further, and sent chills down my spine, and will no doubt leave me traumatized for the rest of my life.
The footage cut to a montage of various scenes of dinosaurs running and being killed by fire and rocks raining from the sky. But this was not footage of cartoon dinosaurs. These was footage of REAL DINOSAURS. I was convinced it couldn't be anything else. The immense quality of the animation shown on screen was extremely photo realistic, more advanced then technology they uuse for the jurassic park movies they have today, and certainly more then what they could do in the 60's
It was awful, with how the dinosaurs would scream and yell. I could see each individual skin pore on all of their kissable faces. Every spec of dust and the textures of the ground and the rocks. It looked completely real. I could only assume that somhow, the people who made this footage where able to use dark magic to see into the past. Various clips of destructions flashd across my screen, ending with a grim scene of a bunch of burned dinosaur skeletons laying in a field.
When I thought the worst was over, the ending screen showed up, and let me tell you, that was when I truly knew this was one ‘effed up toon!
It showed Fred Flintstones happy smiling face with text overlayed on it that read in big bold letters "FRED FLINTSTONE WILL STRIKE AGAIN APRIL 19TH 2045"
This made me scream! I ran around the house and did backflips in my living room!
Trying to gain my composure, I snappd myself out of my manic phase an had to process what I had just witnessed. Was this toon trying to warn me Fred Flintstone was a bringer of death? Would he come to destroy us all? I couldn't even imagine it, and even now I still doubt myself.
I sat there in disbelief trying to think of what to do next. Do I think of how to prepare for doomsday? Should I run outside and scream the message to warn people? As I thought back to what I had just watched, playing the clips over and over in my mind, I remembered that every Flintstones character had showed up the funeral the day Dino died. But, I realized, all but one character, wasn't featured in this haunting episode...
"Where was Bam Bam?" I thought
Just then, the front door to my house was broken off of its hinges with a loud CRASH. It was Bam Bam! He was real, and he was 5 feet tall!
The titanic toddler swung at me with his big rocky club that I dodged flawlessly. He ran past me and went directly to what he clearly wanted. My TV.
Bam Bam opened his mouth and a loud booming sound came out. "BAM BAM" he spoke in tones that shook the whole house. He used his club to lay waste to my TV, smashing it to bits and squishing it further into the dresser it was on, before smashing that too! My whole setup, including my VHS player, was reduce to rubble! I was shocked.
Shortly after Bam Bam escaped my house by breaking through the window. I considered calling the police to tell them exactly what happened, but they would never believe me, so instead I just told them someone broke into my house and ran away. They never investigated I don't think.
However, I think you, dear reader, will be able to believe my story. Earlier today I was trying to recover any parts of the VHS tape that got smashed, and was able to restore one single frame from the footage. BUT, I must warn you, for as while this is proof of what did happen, it may be the scariest thing you'll ever witness. Ive spent sleepless nights thinking of what I saw, and if I don't convince SOMEBODY what happened was real, I migjt just go insane.
This is your last chance.
The image might make you scream.
It might make you cry.
It might make you yell.
It might make you......HOLLER!!
Below this text is the only living proof of DREAD GRIMSTONE!!
| Comments • 5 |
Loading comments...
|
