Team Fortress 2 - The Heavy Is Not In It

Growing up, I spent most of my time in front of my parent's computer. I would waste my childhood years watching YouTube and dreaming about the days I could finally play Team Fortress 2. I remember vaguely, watching Muselk play the class Heavy and he slowly turned into my idol and so did the heavy. I couldn't wait to finally be able to play TF2. However, my parents said that playing the game would be sinful, as I grew up in a Christian household. So, in sadness that I couldn't play TF2 and more specifically, The Heavy in Team Fortress 2. I started hoarding figures of him. One time, my parents discovered my closet full of heavy figures. All organized, from Red to Blu. I started having dreams about Heavy and I would wake up crying at the thought of never being able to play as The Heavy in Team Fortress 2. Once I started my high school years. I found no attraction in women, nor men. I only felt attraction to the Heavy Weapons Guy. I got bullied by my classmates for my fascination. And I remember vaguely, these 3 guys once beat me up after school and I went home and cried while holding onto my 20+ heavy figures. During my senior year, I gave a presentation about why I love heavy. My classmates laughed in my face and my teacher gave me a lecture, telling me that if I keep obsessing with Heavy from TF2, I will never be successful in life.

After Graduating, I went to college, moving out of my house into dorms. My roommates disliked me for my obsession. But what they didn't know, is I planned to mow down every little baby man with Sasha once me and Heavy got married. Near the end of the year, my parents surprised me with my own computer for Christmas. Unbeknownst to them, I would finally be able to play Heavy in Team Fortress 2. I opened up the box my computer came in, squealed in happiness, and once I got everything set up. I downloaded steam and was finally able to download Team Fortress 2. I saw him on the page. His handsome muscles bulged like my heart when I first saw him. I almost fainted, and surrounded by my heavy figures, which the amount of is in the 40s. I waited for the game to install. My internet was slow, it was almost like it was teasing me. "You'll never be able to play as Heavy" it sounded like it was saying, the same thing multiple people told me over the years. My parents told me it, my peers told me it, my doctors told me it. At my lowest point in my life, I even told myself it. I started to tear up at the thought of finally being able to mow down the little little baby men with my minigun and eat a sandwich. I almost shat myself when the download finished. Almost rocketing out of my chair, I clicked play.

When I heard the iconic Valve Intro, and saw the man's head turn. I was still quivering from excitement. And once the game finally loaded. I heard the Rocket Jump Waltz and saw a familiar handsome face in the background. I started screaming like a fresh born child. As I was, I felt reborn now that I get to play Heavy in TF2. I clicked on the "find a game" button and went into a casual server. When I got to the class selection screen, I was met with shock. It went as "Scout, Soldier, Pyro, Demo, Engineer, Medic, Sniper and Spy." I couldn't believe my fucking eyes. "Where is he?" I cried. As I saw other people playing him, I heard Miniguns revving up. Yet I could not access him. I relaunched my game, looked at the forums. And yet, nothing. I cried myself to sleep that night.

I woke up the next morning and tried to play Team Fortress 2 again. When I launched it up again, no heavy :(. I sent a steam support request and they told to "fuck off." I then started getting pop ups on my screen "free women" "drugs" "your penis is small" they all said and once I closed them all out. I saw my desktop image, it was converted to a picture of heavy. Except the heavy had his eye ripped out. I was mortified to see my husband like this. I went outside to catch my breath and I saw the silhouette of the heavy in the sun. I went back inside, and saw him. In my house, he had arrived. The Heavy was here, and he was not happy. He grabbed me by my feet and ripped them off, he started nom nom nomming on my little toes, licking them every chance he got. He then pootis powd my arms and I felt them fall off. I ragdolled to the floor, he did schadenfreude at me, I cried. As my idol was belittling me. I passed out after he punched me in the eyes.

I woke up, inside the hospital. And everyone was there, my parents, my friend Steven who I haven't seen since my obsession began. I told the doctor about what happened and he said "what's Team Fortress 2?" and I screamed at him, saying things such as "That medic is a spy!" The nurses sedated me and I fell asleep once again. They once again woke me up, and told me that I had a visitor. "Bring them in," I said. And then I saw him at the door. The thing he said scared me: "Did you think I would forget you?!"

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