Tekken.exe
I'm a huge Tekken fan, much like everyone else. Recently, many of my favorite internet pesonellaty start playing a game called Tekken. This peaqued my interest, and i began searching online for more ifromation about these games. Soon i learned tat tekkietekkie is a old fighting franshishe that used to compete with streeeet fighteeeer and korkal konkat, impressively. Because my internet piirs (like pewidpie god i love pewdfiepie please brofist my cavities pewdzzzz S2), i decided i wanted to get this game to play and become the best tekki player in the world so that i may kill JDCR and the other top tier scrubs who i saw at evo when my idol (pewdiepiedd) got elimitated immeadiatly and i needed revengeneance.
So, i began.
- CHAPTER 1 - The Search
So my quest for revengenceance began and i walkedd downstair to my mon ad asked het to buy me tekken so i may beggan my training. She said we had no muney and told me to ask dadddddy for money. Despite the fact that i always avoided getting in daddy's room, i made an exception this time, as i needed to AVENGE my idol, and maybe then, senpai would notice me. I walked towards the locked, blocked door, a terrible feeling crawling around me, strenghtening the closer i got towards it. All the lights in the room seemed to dim, as a daddy based darkness slipped under the door, and tugged at my knees. I rose my hand and knocked,
knock.
knock.
Followed by a morbid silence. I heard thumping on the other side, as daddy approached the secure door to his room. Slowly, the metal door slung open. A dark figure on the other side leaned out, keeping his body partially hidden.
"Tanw Uoy Od thaW" it spoke.
"I need some holla dolla cash".
"Oh, okay." He said and slung a wad of Holla Dolla Cash that hit me sqare in the face. And then he raped my mom because POINTLESS VIOLENCE MAKES STORIES SCARY YO, THAT'S THE SECRET TO MAKING SPOOKY STORIES, JUST MAKE SHIT VIOLENT FOR NO REASON, GOD I'M SUCH A FUCKING MASTER POET WRITER PRESTIEGED RANK 25.
I boooted up sten and then openned the store page for Tekken SE7EN (The most recent game in the seires), and then procedddded with slinging the Holla Dolla Cash in the screen, but nothig mappeneed. Since i had no other options i decided to go look for another way to achieve Tekkkkkkken SeSevenVen and AVENGE my bro, pewdzpdieasd.
I found out, after muich search, about a garase sela on twitch.tv, sponsored by Scrap.TF. And so i went. After i arrived , an old boi came to greet me. He was wearing a cool ass hoodie that covered most of his face, and had what he called "Flamepants™". He said his name was The Deiivl Insinde Jin Kazama thats trying to get into the world to kill everything Jim (with an 'M' not an 'N' it's totally not Jin Kazama) Azakam, he handedd me a copy of the game. But the CD was complettly fucked up since it actually doesn't exist since T7 on PC is only available digitally, and the cover was completttttly blank edxcept it had TEKKEN.EXE written in comic sans.
I slung my wad of Dolla Dolla Cash in his face and took the disc home. Now, i put the disc in the pc tower and began sparking, possibly because the disc sounded like it had no reason, but the game boot up fine. The classic screen with Jin Kazama posing while wagging his finger on your face showed up and it looked fine and i felt happynesws run trough my boldy, but then i pressed start, and for a split second, i saw Jin contort into something much more disturbingh. For that split second, Jin had dark eyes with glowing red dots in the middled. His FlameArms™ actually caught on fire, and it glowed an omnious red, brighter and fire-ier than the flames of hell itself. But it was just a split second so it was fine.
The character select came up, but there only three characters tooo pik. The music was a disturbing backwards vedriosn of Kazuya's battle themed from Tekken 2 exdcept it was slowed and playend in reverse and pitch shifted. The three characters i had to pick were Eddie Wulllong, Lei Fury, and Bryan Gordo (Gordo means fat in portuguese, what the fuck kinda name is that Namco? do you think no brazilians play tekken or something? is it not enough that the most hated character in the franchise is HUEHUEBRBR you also have to do this shit?) I picked Eddie and began my trainnning to AVENGE you know who.
- CHAPTER (chapter) The Training Begins
Althought i picked Eddie, my playable character was Jin instead, normal Jin, not Devil Take Over The World Jin (it's fucked up that that makes sense in context if you know the characters). The rround astarted, but the narrator sounded distorted AND reverse AND pitch shifterd AND reversed, i was so scared i died. The game began and Jin looked at the camera, no, Jin looked at ME and began speaking. It was hard to tell what he was saying, because he had an insanely racist japanese accent, but soon, i realized he was giving me instructions in how to beat Eddie.
"Just fucking use the fucking AVENGER you goddamn scrub, you'll hit it eventually."
I indeed, used the AVENGER unblockable attack, it's almost Jin's signature move. Eddie stooferd in front of me, looking scared, like he was expecting something to happen, but was too SCARED to acually do anything, he was FROZEN IN FEAR (just like YOU reader). The AVENGER came with lightning quick attack, and on feelling the sheer power of the strike, i came too. Eddie got hit right in the fucking face and exploded in gore and it looked real gross and spoopy. Jin began laughing like a madman. He rolled on his side and started rolling around in the blood, with his tongue out, and mouth agape. He almost looked cute, like a dog peacefully playing around. For some reason that one win counted as 3 Round wins, and so i continued my training.
- CHAPTER (INTERMISSION) Training Montage
Ctrl+C
Ctrl+V
Ctrl+F
Find "Eddie", Replace with "Lei"
Althought i picked Lei, my playable character was Jin instead, normal Jin, not Devil Take Over The World Jin (it's fucked up that that makes sense in context if you know the characters). The rround astarted, but the narrator sounded distorted AND reverse AND pitch shifterd AND reversed, i was so scared i died. The game began and Jin looked at the camera, no, Jin looked at ME and began speaking. It was hard to tell what he was saying, because he had an insanely racist japanese accent, but soon, i realized he was giving me instructions in how to beat Lei.
"Just fucking use the fucking AVENGER you goddamn scrub, you'll hit it eventually."
I indeed, used the AVENGER unblockable attack, it's almost Jin's signature move. Lei stooferd in front of me, looking scared, like he was expecting something to happen, but was too SCARED to acually do anything, he was FROZEN IN FEAR (just like YOU reader). The AVENGER came with lightning quick attack, and on feelling the sheer power of the strike, i came too. Lei got hit right in the fucking face and exploded in gore and it looked real gross and spoopy. Jin began laughing like a madman. He rolled on his side and started rolling around in the blood, with his tongue out, and mouth agape. He almost looked cute, like a dog peacefully playing around. For some reason that one win counted as 3 Round wins, and so i continued my training.
Ctrl+C
Ctrl+V
Ctrl+F
Find "Lei", Replace with "Bryan"
Althought i picked Bryan, my playable character was Jin instead, normal Jin, not Devil Take Over The World Jin (it's fucked up that that makes sense in context if you know the characters). The rround astarted, but the narrator sounded distorted AND reverse AND pitch shifterd AND reversed, i was so scared i died. The game began and Jin looked at the camera, no, Jin looked at ME and began speaking. It was hard to tell what he was saying, because he had an insanely racist japanese accent, but soon, i realized he was giving me instructions in how to beat Bryan.
"Just fucking use the fucking AVENGER you goddamn scrub, you'll hit it eventually."
I indeed, used the AVENGER unblockable attack, it's almost Jin's signature move. Bryan stooferd in front of me, looking scared, like he was expecting something to happen, but was too SCARED to acually do anything, he was FROZEN IN FEAR (just like YOU reader). The AVENGER came with lightning quick attack, and on feelling the sheer power of the strike, i came too. Bryan got hit right in the fucking face and exploded in gore and it looked real gross and spoopy. Jin began laughing like a madman. He rolled on his side and started rolling around in the blood, with his tongue out, and mouth agape. He almost looked cute, like a dog peacefully playing around. For some reason that one win counted as 3 Round wins, and so i continued my training.
GG, THAT WAS A GOOD WORKOUT.
- CHAPTER FINAL The Revengeance
Seeking Revengeance, i flew to EVO Japan. There i finally met my opponent, JDCR (A.N. JDCR is basically a legendary Tekken player from Korea, just for context.) The scrub picked the overpowered SirGay DraguNoob character, as usual. Seeing him with my eyes made me feel an overwhelming anger from deep inside, as if my whole body was burning. That was the same character that Eliminated my Husbando Pewdasdzsdpi. I must AVENGE him, i repeated to myself. As soon as the match started, the fire from inside BURST from my arms! Forming a GLORIOUS FLAMEARM™, i used the legendary hidden technique of the AVENGERD ,JDCR jumped out of his seat, and shouted at the top of his lungs:
"NANI!!!!!"
Like roaring thunder, Jin hitem right in the fucking face and JDCR exploded in gore. Jin was laughing now again, just like he did before, and i couldn't help but laugh too. However, the speell was broken momentarely, and i noticed what i was doing, i was disgusted with myself, i ran out of the room and vomited in a near garbage can waifu (she seemed to enjoy it for some reason). This was never meant to end with anyone dying! i just wanted revenge, I NEVER ASKED FOR THIS!!.
My melancholy was broken by an evil, girly giggle, coming from behind me. It was girly but it was still very evil and foreboding. I turned around on my heel, and i saw...
PEWDIEPIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He laughed maniacly, before explaining that it was his plan all along. He faked his loss to JDCR, to convince one of his fans to try and AVENGE him, and unlock the true potetial of the Kazama Edgelord Style™, i watched with shock and terror as Pewdiepizdfpizpdfi winded up with a motioni could never forget, it was the motion of the AVENGER. My whole body paralized in place, and pewdfipizsd said with a demonic voice:
"IT'S CALLED THE BROFIST™ NOW BRO, NOW BROFIST ME BRO!!"
Then he hit me in the face in the face and i dieded.
Good Game.
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