The Adventures of Doctor Turboculosis
Dr. Turboculosis was working hard in his laborato5ry. His assistant, M'Arton the Sticky, was being used as a human storage container. This was his nephyoiw9ty[u95[y809]5tyo0
This was of course his plea for help from the peanut butter and fishnet overlords. Then his laborotory was invaded by the maidens of .__________. Dr. Turboculosis, fled to his chamber where shrimp-picklesaurus was waiting for him.
"I have tickets to the state fair," the shimp-picklesaurus said. "You can eat tons of funnel cakes and funnel spiders."
"I refuse to listen to such a chunky arthropod-vegetable-ferment-lizard," replied Dr. Turboculosis.
The shrimp-picklesaurus was unhappy and attempted to burn the doctor to death with a cigarette. However, Dr. Turboculosis was very TOUGH and MANLY, and the cigarette burns just made him TOUGHER and MANLIER. He proceeded to capture the picklesaurus and make it his personal lab assistant. This, however, upset M'Arton. M'Arton attempted to brain Dr. Turboculosis with a bust of William Shakespeare. The result was that the doctor gained the powers of the legendary Bard. Unfortunately, the Overlords caught notice.
Armed with their Health Maintenance Organizations, the Peanut Butter and Fishnet Overlords sent a lawyer to assault and batter Dr. Turboculosis. This wasn't the average lawyer though. He was 300 pounds of PURE MANLY MUSCLE and wielded a crow. Dr. Turboculosis was not fazed by this.
"I am able to beat you, for I am principled." Then the pain began. The arrogant man shot rainbows out of his mouth. The whole room exploded in a fury of red, orange, yellow, green blue, indigo, and purple. Then it was black. When Dr. Turboculosis gained his sight again
Before him stood a steaming, funky meatloaf. It blasted him with rays of gamma and cosmic power! It turned him from Dr. Turbowhozits into DR TURBOCULOSIS! He now had the powa! He now was an albnino taco stand seller! He was the hero Earth had no interest knowing!
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All of a sudden, some REPULSIVE BAD DOGS jumped on him one day. They started eating his tacos and he ran away. He decided to drive to Texas to avoid the bad dogs. However, on the way, he was involved in a SHOCKING CAR CRASH. He was not injured and helped save the other victim of the accident.
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Some Canadians pulled over when they saw the burning wreckage. It was classic. They only words they knew were "eh" and "aboot".
MTV became OBNOXIOUS. The end. Just kidding. There were originally seven. We lost two. Josh stopped playing. Sure. Is it okay if I click this button? I put one in. Peaceful. Peaceful. Like Dr. Turboculosis's parents' house. That's where he found himself three years later, trying to forget what had happened that one time he visited Finland for the International Superpowered Doctors' Convention.
Suddenly, the KKK appeared! They took the Pro Wrestlers on TV and did weird, radical stuff. Dr. Turboculosis watched in horror as his program was canceled. Instead, they showed a bunch of spunky bunnys . The spunky bunnys were disgustingingly cute and drove him anygry. Dr. Turboculosis decided that his next plan to thwart the Overlords of Fishnets and Peanut included David Letterman. It was cruel. He would cancel the evening talk show.
So that's what Dr. Turboculosis did. He cackled with glee as he witnessed the announcement of the programming that replaced it: the Inspiration Spirder Show. It featured, despite its typos, inspirational spiders, which were cunningly programmed to transmit Dr. Turboculosis's ideology to the entire world.
But Dr. Turboculosis didn't count on the aliens. Flying down from the radiant Milky Way, they conquered the Caribbean before anyone could react. The United Nations assembled a task force to deal with the alien threat, and Dr. Turboculosis volunteered.
However, it turned out the aliens were mistaken for ADORABLE PIGS. The doctor went on to be a real doctor.
No he didn't.
The Overloads of Peanut butter and fishnets came down and shot him. But he was too TOUGH and MANLY to let being shot bring him down. He began to plot his revenge. Soon he would be back.…
And he's not alone…
The REAL ductur, along a sexually aroused and gay Adolf H. Hitler(H. for homo!), has returned in control of Godzilla with a bow tie and a top hat. Living inside his appendix, the Dr. and Hitler are the fathers five mutated children with uncontrollable flatulence.
Suddenly, Lawyer Crow Lawyer Man appeared with his crow! The crow was angry, but that was nothing compared to the lawyer. He had ballooned to 465 pounds of PURE MUSCLE. In one hand was the crow, and in its beak was the dreaded tool of every lawyer: a subpoena. The crow bellowed and attacked.
Unfortunately for the crow, the fartz of supah screw-you-up proved too much for the crow, and the crow died. The Now crowless Lawyer Crow Lawyer Man without a crow was now mad….and crowless.
We are watching. We are Waiting. The End is near….
"…Daisies…" the lawyer uttered, as if he heard a voice. He ran off screaming, but it was a MANLY – who are we kidding? It was a girly, pathetic scream. And Dr. Turboculosis laughed at him. And so did Gay Hitler.
The good Dr. knew it was time for this to end, with but a tought, he transformed into Morgan Freeman. BUTT…heehee….GAY HITLER was ready and he transformed into NARWALL MAN!!!!!!!! The good Dr stopped, Nawhwall man was the Dr's fav childhood hero. The Dr could never sodimize an innocent NAHwahall MAN. The Dr had to face his fears and he did because he knew that potato was the true meaning of the declaration of independence. HE flew into Mr. NORHAwall man and they exploded into a pool of noodles except Turboculosis didn't. They all lived happily ever after….and then they turned into Brauntosauruses and ate each other. What a beautiful world.
It's not over, you think I'd actually end it there?!?!? I would but I wont and berry.
The brontosauruses were a lie. Actually, Dr. Turboculosis continued his plan to exact revenge on the Overlards. He first needed some CIA connects. He sent M'Arton to get the attention of the CIA. He planned to stage a bank robbery, and diverted his resources to a new company: Evil Enterprises.
This, however, backfired when M'Arton's plan to get the CIA's attention entailed posing as a terrorist. Fulfilling this role, he bombed the offices of Evil Enterprises, and the company folded.
He was given a cookie.
It had chocolate chips and sprinkles.
And was tasty.
It also has 10% cyanide in it.
But not about the cookie.
It still had sprinkles. But the chocolate chips were actually… computer chips with secret nuclear codes on them! He talks in code now.
"000000101000000010001000" he just said poodels. He just learned the language, of course he can't spell. Screw you. No screw you. I will eat your unborn babies! OMNOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOPOTATONOMOMOMOMOMOM. Taste like cookies.
The company folded like a box. First the flaps, then the bottom was popped out and the sides were pressed together. Someone threw it into the recycle bin, and then the truck came and picked it up. It was taken to the processing plant where it was soggified, and pressed into... Interprises Evil!
Interprises Evil was nothing like its parent company. Instead of serving the wills of the Ductur, cuz he be an anti-hero! The ductur realized the story was getting off track, so he jumped out and slapped the writers!
<ow. Ow. Ow.>
M'arten stole a pocketwatch, a sandal, some chewing gum, and a pillow. He had a nefarious plan. His plan was to auction off the pillow at a concentration camp. He didn't though because he was turned into a flamingo and was eaten by a sexualized pink shark. The Ductur knew who he was at last, he had finally found out his destiny. He raced foreward and gracefully sat on the couch and watched Dateline NBC
Credited to Henry G., Nate A., and Sam Z.
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