The Bone Gnomes: Difference between revisions
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(Created page with "''Jerry is doing his standup routine in front of a crowd'' Jerry: “So what’s the deal with garden gnomes? They kind of just sit out there in the yard and do nothing. They are a little creepy honestly. Having a little guy standing out in the yard. Why did this even become a thing? Who’s idea was it to put this little elf looking guy in the yard and why did it even catch on? {{*}}''Bassline''* ''George comes into Jerry’s Apartment'' George: “I can’t stand i...") |
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''Jerry is doing his standup routine in front of a crowd'' |
''Jerry is doing his standup routine in front of a crowd'' |
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Jerry: |
Jerry: "So what's the deal with garden gnomes? They kind of just sit out there in the yard and do nothing. They are a little creepy honestly. Having a little guy standing out in the yard. Why did this even become a thing? Who's idea was it to put this little elf looking guy in the yard and why did it even catch on? |
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{{*}}''Bassline''* |
{{*}}''Bassline''* |
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''George comes into |
''George comes into Jerry's Apartment'' |
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George: |
George: "I can't stand it with these gnomes!" |
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Jerry: |
Jerry: "What do you mean?" |
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George: |
George: "In the mail I got a bunch of skeleton gnomes! Bone Gnomes I tell you. Bone Gnomes! They're freaking me out." |
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Jerry: |
Jerry: "Well can't you just send them back?" |
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George: |
George: "I can't… there is no return address on these." |
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''Kramer barges through the door and starts eating cereal out of a box with his hand'' |
''Kramer barges through the door and starts eating cereal out of a box with his hand'' |
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Jerry: |
Jerry: "Well then just throw them away." |
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George: |
George: "I'd need 100 trash cans to get rid of these things. I have hundreds! Hundreds of Bone Gnomes!" |
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Kramer: |
Kramer: "Well then just drive them to the dumpster yourself." |
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George: |
George: "You're onto something Kramer." |
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{{*}}''Bassline''* |
{{*}}''Bassline''* |
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''George is at the dumpster emptying the Bone Gnomes into the dumpster and a policeman stops him.'' |
''George is at the dumpster emptying the Bone Gnomes into the dumpster and a policeman stops him.'' |
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Policeman: |
Policeman: "Excuse me?" |
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George: |
George: "Yes? May I help you?" |
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Policeman: |
Policeman: "You can't dump those here." |
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George: |
George: "Well why not?" |
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Policeman: |
Policeman: "The mayor passed a new law. These gnomes are toxic to raccoons and they can get sick if they eat them." |
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George: |
George: "Do you think I care what a raccoon eats. They shouldn't be eating trash anyway." |
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Policeman: |
Policeman: "The law does care. Each gnome you throw away is a $300 fine. So you better take what you threw away out now." |
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{{*}}''Bassline''* |
{{*}}''Bassline''* |
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''George is walking by Mr. |
''George is walking by Mr. Steinbrenner's office at Yankee Stadium and overhears him on the phone'' |
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Mr. Steinbrenner: |
Mr. Steinbrenner: "What do you mean there is a mixup with the bobbleheads! Keith Hernandez hasn't been in the league for years and never put on a Yankee uniform… Well then what do you want me to do about next week's big giveaway… You're Fired. |
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George: |
George: "Um… Mr. Steinbrenner." |
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Mr. Steinbrenner: |
Mr. Steinbrenner: "George! Come in come in! Take a seat, take a seat. You smell like you've been swimming in a dumpster. Now have you heard about this new thing called Karaoke. These people go up on stage and sing songs without any instruments…" |
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George: |
George: "Alright… alright. I heard there was mix-up with the bobblehead giveaway. And well, I'm looking to get rid of these little gnomes. I have about 500 of them." |
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''George pulls a Bone Gnome out of his pocket'' |
''George pulls a Bone Gnome out of his pocket'' |
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Mr. Steinbrenner: |
Mr. Steinbrenner: "George! George! I love it! You are a genius! We'll start producing these things right away!" |
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George!: |
George!: "No-no… we don't need to make anymore. I've got plenty." |
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Mr. Steinbrenner: |
Mr. Steinbrenner: "Everyone's gonna want one of these. 500? You think only one section will enjoy these. How about this first 25,000 fans at next Wednesday's game get a free Bone Gnome!" |
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George: |
George: "Great… just get these things off my hands." |
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{{*}}''Bassline''* |
{{*}}''Bassline''* |
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''Elaine has been called to J. |
''Elaine has been called to J. Peterman's office'' |
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Elaine: |
Elaine: "Mr Peterman?" |
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J. Peterman: |
J. Peterman: "Oh Elaine! It is so good to see you." |
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Elaine: |
Elaine: "What was it you wanted to talk to me about?" |
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J. Peterman: |
J. Peterman: "Last Spring I took a holiday in the Swiss Alps and I found the most priceless skeleton gnome. Only 500 left in the world. Well I just bought the entire collection for $850,000 from an anonymous seller out of Tuscany. I could sell them for a lot more if I were to find the right buyer." |
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Elaine: |
Elaine: "Uh huh…" |
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J. Peterman: |
J. Peterman: "Well the shipment was supposed to arrive last week and I feel I've been swindled. I want you to go to the post office and figure out where these bone gnomes could have gone." |
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{{*}}''Bassline''* |
{{*}}''Bassline''* |
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''George meets Elaine and Jerry at the Coffee Shop'' |
''George meets Elaine and Jerry at the Coffee Shop'' |
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Elaine: |
Elaine: "Why the long face?" |
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George: |
George: "I don't wanna talk about it" |
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Jerry: |
Jerry: "Did you get your gnome problem figured out?" |
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''George starts to cry'' |
''George starts to cry'' |
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George: |
George: "The game was rained out! Cancelled! I tried to give these bone gnomes away at the game, but now I can't because the rest of the season is booked with give-aways!" |
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Jerry: |
Jerry: "Well looks like you're just back where you started." |
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George: |
George: "Worse… Worse! I now have 25,000 gnomes because Mr. Steinbrenner made more of them. There was no place to store them in the stadium, so he had a truck drop them off at my apartment building! Every surface of my home is filled with these bone gnomes!" |
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''George picks up a bone gnome and squeezes it'' |
''George picks up a bone gnome and squeezes it'' |
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Elaine: |
Elaine: "Hey! I can solve your problem." |
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George: |
George: "Really? And how is that." |
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Elaine: |
Elaine: "My boss has been looking for those gnomes all week. He ordered a ton of them, and it looks like they were sent to you by mistake. I was just on my way to the post office to figure things out." |
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Jerry: Well looks like your problem is solved. |
Jerry: Well looks like your problem is solved. |
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{{*}}''Bassline''* |
{{*}}''Bassline''* |
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''Elaine is delivering boxes of Bone Gnomes to J. |
''Elaine is delivering boxes of Bone Gnomes to J. Peterman's office'' |
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Elaine: Phew… I think |
Elaine: Phew… I think that's the last box… |
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J. Peterman: Thank you Elaine… I |
J. Peterman: Thank you Elaine… I couldn't have done it without you. Where did you find these? |
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Elaine: My friend George had thousands of these from the cancelled Yankee game. |
Elaine: My friend George had thousands of these from the cancelled Yankee game. |