The Composure

Every single thing has been bugging me a lot earlier.

I couldn't remember when it started. This cannot be a curse nor a nightmare. I know I am wide awake and am fully functioning as an ordinary human being forced to live in this filthy rock called "earth". I just cannot comprehend what has been happening to me and I began to fear literally everything I sense. What the fuck has been happening to me...?

Am I crazy, I ask? I do not know. The composure I have sought for almost a lifetime seems to be nothing but mere fantasy by now. Every day is a curse for me. Even waking up for the morning seems to set me off. What is happening to me...? I can't go on like this. I have been fearing my very own existence. I cannot go to a therapist knowing I have been suffering this fucking curse of fearing EVERYTHING.

I tried to ask help from Jerry. Have you ever got that one friend that you know you can always rely with anything? Jerry's that one friend. I decided to call Jerry for help but what if he will trick me? He's been a mischievous person ever since we became friends and he might just accidentally kill me if so.

I shrugged it off and just proceeded to call Jerry boy. Unfortunately, their line cannot be contacted. Huh, weird. Our signals hadn't been cut off as long as I can remember. Maybe the telephone wasn't plugged in whatsoever.

Until I heard the news. There was a fire engulfing 5 houses on the street where Jerry lives. One of the 5 houses was Jerry's house.

Why am I being apathetic? Why am I laughing? Why am I laughing loud? Why am I laughing at my only friend's demise? Why am I being like this? Why am I even existing? Why?

Until then, I had no solace. I had nothing. I had been living alone for 10 years and I cannot ask help for anyone. I cannot find my sanity anymore. Why am I being like this? God, if you're there I need you now. Show me your face just this time. Heal me just this time. Bring me solace. I pray to thee.

I logged in to Facebook out of boredom and a skeleton popped out.

Like, share and comment for Jesus. Ignore for worms, rotten nails, ugly loser, and Satan.

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