The Downside of Masturbation: Difference between revisions

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My stomach growled, and so I grabbed a bright red apple and sank my teeth into it. The sweet juices fizzled out and stimulated my taste buds, and so again and again I bit. Within mere moments I was completely done with it and tossed it into the trash. Well, I wasn't hungry. I wasn't particularly thirsty either. There was nothing on television, so perhaps I could surf the internet. I got my computer out and sat it down on my lap. I opened the lid and started up google, and soon found myself watching random videos and whatnot. Usually, such a thing would please a millennial like me, staring into the dim, blue, fluorescent glow the computer screen offered, my mind occupied by watching videos for hours on end. But this time was different. I just couldn't place my finger on it, but it was as if I had seen all the videos in the world already. No amount of article reading or internet surfing could bring the entertainment I so desperately desired.
My stomach growled, and so I grabbed a bright red apple and sank my teeth into it. The sweet juices fizzled out and stimulated my taste buds, and so again and again I bit. Within mere moments I was completely done with it and tossed it into the trash. Well, I wasn't hungry. I wasn't particularly thirsty either. There was nothing on television, so perhaps I could surf the internet. I got my computer out and sat it down on my lap. I opened the lid and started up google, and soon found myself watching random videos and whatnot. Usually, such a thing would please a millennial like me, staring into the dim, blue, fluorescent glow the computer screen offered, my mind occupied by watching videos for hours on end. But this time was different. I just couldn't place my finger on it, but it was as if I had seen all the videos in the world already. No amount of article reading or internet surfing could bring the entertainment I so desperately desired.


I closed the lid to the computer and sighed. What more could I do? How is it that a lonely teenage boy such as I had no clue how to be productive while my mother was away?
I closed the lid to the computer and sighed. What more could I do? How is it that a lonely college student such as I had no clue how to be productive while my mother was away?


Wait... lonely teenage boy?
Wait... lonely college student?


My lips curled into a smile as I came to a realization. An eighteen-year-old lad without a girlfriend, without a job, who is home alone in his room. I slapped myself in the forehead and gasped aloud at my stupidity. Of course, there was something to do. I could masturbate! I rushed out of my room as quick as I could and approached the living room table. There, sitting atop a hardwood cabinet, was the sacred artifact. The key to my satisfaction and entertainment. An escape from my constant boredom. I gently caressed the shining beam of glory and hope within my hands and cradled it slowly, almost cooing at it. Which was, of course, silly, seeing as how it was just an inanimate object. Still, my lips carefully formed a specific set of words as I mouthed the label inaudibly.
My lips curled into a smile as I came to a realization. A twenty-year-old lad without a girlfriend, without a job, who is home alone in his room. I slapped myself in the forehead and gasped aloud at my stupidity. Of course, there was something to do. I could masturbate! I rushed out of my room as quick as I could and approached the living room table. There, sitting atop a hardwood cabinet, was the sacred artifact. The key to my satisfaction and entertainment. An escape from my constant boredom. I gently caressed the shining beam of glory and hope within my hands and cradled it slowly, almost cooing at it. Which was, of course, silly, seeing as how it was just an inanimate object. Still, my lips carefully formed a specific set of words as I mouthed the label inaudibly.


"Men's Hand Lotion"
"Men's Hand Lotion"
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Trust me, I know.
Trust me, I know.
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