The Emoji Movie LOST MEDIA
When I was a young boy I went and got myself a job at Sony. This was in 2017. If you remember what happened in 2017, Sony released a pretty mediocre film. It was called The Emoji Movie. Because I was an intern there, I got first access to all sorts of stuff they made prior to the films release, anticipating a massive success.
THE EMOJI BOOK I remember reading a book they wrote there. This was before I had ever heard of the film, and they were planning on releasing the book and movie at the same time. The book's plot was pretty much the exact same as the movie.
There were two other projects that stand out, but I never got access to them. Until a few days ago, that is. I requested my friend, the CEO of Sony, to send me any Emoji Movie media he could so I can make a YouTube video about it. He sent me a box with a game and a movie inside. There was also a note inside. 'Hey buddy. DO NOT MAKE A VIDEO BEFORE CHECKING THIS SHIT OUT! IT IS DOWNRIGHT SPOOKY!!! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.' The game was for the Xbox, and the box art was just the movie's art. It was called, 'The Emoji Movie Game'. I popped the game in and that was when the horror began.
THE EMOJI MOVIE XBOX GAME The game opens with a Sony credit. I have absolutely no idea why it got a green light on the Xbox, but later on it began to make sense. Then there was a flash of color and I was on the title screen. There were three options. 'Start Game', 'Multiplayer', and 'Extras'. I started on 'Start Game'. The game opened up and.... it was just a retelling of the movie. What a waste of time. But I couldn't leave the opening cut scene. No buttons worked. It was the first couple minutes of the film. Nothing changed, until it suddenly threw me into game play. I was....playing Minecraft? As Gene? I had watched the opening cut scene and it didn't even lead to anything like this. This was literally just Minecraft with a Gene skin and T.J Miller was running around in the background. Then the game paused while I was about to mine a tree and the market place opened up. Oh. Gene and High Five popped up and started running around doing stuff on there, hopping between different overpriced maps and texture packs. This lasted for five minutes until Gene shouted "Let's go play a different game!" While the two were jumping out of the market place High Five shouted back "Lemme get this map real quick!" He went through the payment process and I noticed something rather... scary. He was using MY ACCOUNT to buy it. He even entered my password. I screamed at the top of my lungs but he went ahead and bought another map, totaling 20 DOLLARS. They then jumped to release EA Battlefront 2. I got a notification from my phone that the two had bought the $100 edition. I got on my hands and knees in front of the TV and screamed at them to stop. Gene paused from buying Darth Vader, and turned to me, his eyes widening in joy. "Hello! We will stop! Once you're HOMELESS." They kept going on and on and on. All the characters were bought. Then High Five exclaimed, "I don't know what other games we could go to, Gene!" Gene pondered this, a look of deep thought on his face. "How about...You go get what's her name, then split up to go to GTA and buy everything you can, and she goes to this dude's phone's app store. I will go to the Xbox store!" High Five jumped off screen and I heard him from my phone, which was behind me. The TV screen switched to the store, and Gene was buying everything he could. I collapsed onto the floor as Gene and High Five were laughing evilly. I then passed out, crying. I woke up to see that everything on the app store and the Xbox store were purchased. I was now in debt nearly $1.4M. I ejected the disk from my Xbox and heard Gene and T.J Miller's laughter cut short. Maybe I should've tried this earlier. Overall, I would rate this game 3/10. At least it let me play 30 seconds of a different game and I could take the disk out. I turned to the box, tears streaking down my cheeks. The film was named 'The Emoji Movie 2'. Oh no.
THE EMOJI MOVIE 2 The movie isn't as bad. It was just a recording of TV commercials with emojis popping on screen every once in a while. During this film I felt something... odd. I felt more than one emotion, and at the end my skin turned yellow. I went to the court house and changed my name legally to 'Gene'. Suddenly, T.J Miller's phone number popped up in my contacts. I am Gene now. I am an emoji. Meh.
Written by Bloom
Content is available under CC BY-SA
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