The Evil Air Fryer
One day, in the town of Bigglyjiggly Bigheim Borp, there resided an evil object within the middle of the dookie mountain in the center of the city... The Evil Air Fryer... or shall I say... The Timothy Timlop. Erm, you'll understand later!
So, a few weeks ago, I went on PEEMU and ordered a brand new air fryer, tired of people telling me "You probably don't have an air fryer" on those STUPID FUCKING INTERNET FORUMS I HATE THEM! Later that day, the Air Fryer arrived! He looked a bit odd, but I assumed it was just because of PEEMU being PEEMU. I placed him on my counter, and turned him on. Suddenly, he glowed yellow like the gallon of pee I poured into my toilet just the other day, and then grew evil arms and a face with big white eyes with red pupils... and an evil grin with BLOODY TEETH. He said "Welcome. To. Hell..." and I clenched my bumcheeks together in fear as he spoke. My kitchen suddenly turned red and I heard screaming everywhere. "Whomst are you?" I ask the air fryer.
"I AM TIMOTHY TIMLOP... I HAUNT ALL AIR FRYERS WHOM COME FROM PEEMU!" he screeched at me, making me scream, however I couldn't scream due to the harmonica in my throat from when I tried to play harmonica that one time. "What's so wrong with PEEMU?" I ask, horrified. "I WAS AT THE WATER FACTORY PART OF THE PEEMU FACILITY... AND THEN AN AIR FRYER DROPPED FROM THE VENTS AND CRUSHED MY HANDS AND IT REALLY REALLY HURT AND I WENT YOOOOOOOW AND DIED! I HAUNT ALL AIR FRIERS FROM THEIR NOW TO FIND WHO DID THAT HORRIFIC ACT TO ME! AND I. WILL. GET. MY. BUMMING. REVEEENGE!" he responds.
I suddenly remember the acts I did back in 1995, where I was the Air Fryer Scandal and I bashed Air Fryers on people's hands. I always did it as soon as I found someone, but one time I found a STUPID IDIOT at my school named Timothy Timlop, and I wanted to slam an Air Fryer onto his hands, but I had no air fryer on me at the time. I stalked him until he went to work at PEEMU, and then I finally found a chance to get my air fryers on his grimy hands by crawling through the vents like the guy in Die Dard. He did the exact thing as he just said... and my bumcheeks that were clenched... clenched MORE, and sticked together like the MOAB Glue upgrade from the Glue Gunner in Bloons TD 6. I began to speak to Timothy. "I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I was the one who dropped the air fryer on your little fingies!" The air fryer glared at me, and his evil grin went to an evil frown. He walked on his arms, and then opened up his air fryer door and sucked me up into it like a vacuum. I was shrunk!
He closed his door on me and turned himself on. It began to get HOTTUH! His eyes turned backward and he talked to me in a low pitched voice.
"YOU'LL REGRET THIS... BUMCHEEK JONATHAN!" He says, very scarily. He knew my real name! I was too busy trembling in my cool cowboy boots to notice my hands melting off from the heat! I looked down and noticed it!
"Ow! This has gotten me in quite the sticky situation," I say, looking at my hands. Then, my beloved cat, Cock, walks up onto the counter and watches me in the air fryer. He suddenly gets hyper realistic human eyes and lips and looks straight at me.
"Muhahahahahaaaaaaaa..." Cock laughs, very very low pitched! That was NOT a meow! What the bumstein, Cock! I then remember my nice beloved father gave me a hammer JUST like Mario when I was 7 because I said I wanted to be a hammerer when I grow up, and I hammer the glass of the air fryer using my feet to hold the hammer. I run out, and I grow back to full size! I put knives in the slot where my hands once were, and I chopped Timothy up!
"YOOOOW! NOT AGAIN!" He says, being chopped up just like my willy. I pick up his pieces and throw him outside. However, that night, I wake up seeing Timothy right in my face! He goes...
"You cannot kill ME, Bumcheek Jonathan!" as the blood from his teeth drips on my not bodacious face. I screech and run away straight outta my door! I run backward because I really want to see Timothy to see if I'm going fast enough... But then I run into the dookie pile in the middle of the city! It's taller than Mount Everest, That Is Not A Joke! I sidestep away from the pile, but Timothy ran straight in, and I melded the dookie back like clay. "HEY! HEY! HEY! GET ME OUTTA HERE!" he was yelling, banging on the strong dookie. He was stuck! I WON!!!! I went back home, and slept peacefully.
Now, in my beautiful bodacious bouncing town of Bigglyjiggly Bigheim Borp, the dookie pile at the center of the city is feared by the little children, as the Air Fryer still haunts...
If you ever go to Bigglyjiggly Bigheim Borp, NEVER dig into the dookie pile for gold...
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