The Haunted Spoon

I was Jimmy Johnson, 25-years-old, your average spoon collector. I decided to look on eBay for spoons, and I found an item that said "EVIL SPOON; IT KILLED MY WIFE AND MADE A SKELETON POP OUT AND IT WAS PHONE", naturally being the dumb fuck I am I decided to buy the spoon. After I did, the seller deleted his account. After 3000 years it arrived, and the mailman was at the door. When I mentioned the spoon to him, his eyes started bleeding, he started vomiting, and his head started to spin. I thought he had Ebola, so we shared a lollipop together, and ate chili with the same spoon, and we both kissed each other on the mouth, and had a coughing contest before sending him to a CDC hospital.

So after that, I opened the spoon, and it was unusual. It had a scary face! It was so scary, I shit my pants and took a 300-hour dump in the bathroom.

I realized I was cursed, so I tried to throw the spoon away, but it flew back into my hand. I tried to take a shit on it, but the shit flew back into my asshole. Then, I tried to find a way to destroy the spoon. I believe everything I read, but I couldn't find anything.

Actually, it turns out that the spoon was normal. I was just hallucinating from the drugs I took, and I died later of Ebola.

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