The History of Mario

File:260px-200px-Shigeru Miyamoto cropped.jpg

"Taking drugs give you creative ideas." -Shigeru Miyamoto

NOTE: This article was inspired by the funny article about Mario on the UnMario Wiki.

1978: Dreams Don't Come True

At teh young age of 16, Shigeru Miyamoto had dis crazy idea of killing pepole in vidya games. However, the stupid americans (white people) didn't like dis idea. So Miyamoto created a more friendly approach. A fat itallian carpenter that carried a gun to KILL!!!!! Miyamoto came up with the name "Mario" because he met a drug dealler named "Mario" in the streets of New York. Miyamoto then showed his idea to sony. Sony said "We like your image you drew for the character. But since its not a FPS

File:Mario with da gun.jpg

Miyamoto's drawling of teh character.

we will not use this idea." Miyamoto then went to Nintendo, a company that use to sell moon shine and other dangreous drugs that can kill YOU!!!!! Nintendo liked Miyamoto's idea and made a game about it. Miyamoto wanted teh game to run 99 frames per second. But due to the limitations of the NES it couldn't be done. Miyamoto also wanted the game to be a FPS because they where so popular on PC's. Once again, the NES could not handle the engine of a FPS. Instead they had to make the game a 2D platformer. He wanted the game to be really hard and not fun to play, cuz he wanted the game to be a FPS. Miyamoto wanted to pepole to complain to Nintendo

File:Call of butt.jpg

Miyamoto wanted the game to look like dis.

that it wasn't a FPS. The game was called "Arch Hound" Anyways, The game was realeased worldwide June 23rd 1978. The game wasn't a big success, it only sold 10,000 copies in Japan alone. It sold 650 copies everywhere else.

1979: A Tuff Year For Miyamoto

After the terrible success of Arch Hound, Miyamoto then started to work on a FPS on the PC.

File:Miymotos gheym.jpg

Instead, the game looked like dis.

This game would be about Mario fighting of a army of terriost in teh north west. However, Miyamoto had to go sreve in the millatry himself. Tak-ashi-Tez-uka (Takashi Tezuka) took over teh project. He redesign Mario to look less violent

File:Mario farmer hardcore.jpg

Takashi Tezuka's redesign of the character.

and more hyper realistic. ( Look at da picture below.)The game was called "Arch Hound: Operation Rainfall" and was realeased only in iceland on December 11th 1979. The game sold a little better than its predocesor but not that much. It only sold 25,000 coppies during its life span.

1980: Things Get Worse

After Mr. Miyamoto return from teh army, he quicklly rushed out another Mario game. This time it would be a live action video game-thing called "Arch Hound: Heroes On The Move." It would be realeasd on the awful Sega CD in the fall of 1980. Miyamoto hired Tom Hanks to be teh actor of Mario and hired Arnold Swartsanager as Luigi. Miyamoto would start recoreding in Hawai in the spring. The game only had a budget of 120,000$ wich means no CGI!!!!!! Since Miyamoto was now an adult, he decided to drink lots of beer while working on teh game. He had serious hangovers and was rushed to the hospital. Since Mr. Miyamoto was at the hospital......Yuji Naka took over the project. Since da gayme was rushed, it was realeased a little earlyer. It was realeased August 18th 1980. It sold about 8000 copies wich is TERRIBLE!!!!! Miyamoto then retired from making video games and made his own drug store in Japan.

The Futrue......SUCKS!!!

The series was handed over to Takashi Tezuka. He made games like:

• Arch Hound: Die Rise (1981) 25,000 copies
• Arch Hound: 3D (1983) 10,000 copies
• Arch Hound: Archen City (1986) 15,000 copies
• Arch Hound: Black Flag (1987) 15,000 copies
• Arch Hound: Modren Warfare (1991) 28,000,000,00 copies
• Arch Hound: Black Lops (1993) 32,000,000,00 copies
• Arch Hound: The Reggi-Nator (1994) 10,000 copies

1994 was the end of Mario and the Arch Hound series. Miyamoto killed 15 pepole his whole life! OH MY GOSH!!!!!

                                                                THE END