The Holder of Caffeine
Author's note: This is a parody of all those ritual stories. Don't actually do this lol
In any city, in any country, in any continent, in any planet, in any solar system, in any galaxy, in any universe, in any multiverse, go to the nearest starbucks and ask to see The Holder of Caffeine. If the employee gives you a strange look, scream like a maniac and go to another starbucks. If the employee gives you a paperclip and a note, you are at the right starbucks. The note will say "Yesz go 2 da back of inside the building plz if u want to see holdr uf caffne kthxbai" You should go to the bathroom. Go inside of the last stall. Check behind the toilet and you should find a piece of paper. Take it and read it and you will see binary code that says "01010100 01000101 01000001" You will then find a big red button on the side of the toilet. Press it and you and the toilet will descend down under the building. If the building detonates instead, you are at the wrong starbucks. If you chose correctly you will descend and then see a wooden door in front of you. Use the paperclip you were given by the employee to pick the lock. If you are successful in picking the lock, the door will open and you will see a steel door and a numeric keypad. Type down the binary code you saw earlier. If you are successful, the door will open and you will be greeted by the Holder of Caffeine himself. He will offer 2 cups of coffee. Take the cup on the right, if you take the cup on the left, it is laced with x-lax and you will shit and pee coffee for the rest of your life. Drinking the cup on the right will allow you to fully speak with him. He will ask why you have sought him. Respond with "I wish to know the secret of all coffees" He will then give you a cup of Kopi Luwak and say "Have this Cat Shit Coffee". Drinking it will strike you with a vision of people's hearts exploding and people shitting and some guy casually drinking coffee. He will then teleport you outside of the starbucks. You will be holding a hand-sized glass replica of a Coffee Bean. It is object #1337 of 9001. It must never be dropped.
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