The Holder of Failure
In any city, of any country, go to any Video Arcade or Cyber Cafe and walk straight to the front counter and ask for the "Holder of Failure". A smirk will appear of the attendants face and he or she will state that only victors will survive. Ignore what is said and continue to ask for the "Holder of Failure". If the attendant deems you worthy of seeing the loser of the game the attendant will ask you to come with the attendant to a door behind the attendant which wasn't there before, the place will also suddenly become silent. Follow the attendant and do not make a sound or the darkness will overcome you and slowly make you go insane by forcing you to relive every failure in your life till eternity. However if the attendant deems you unworthy, pray hard that your end will be swift.
Through the door the attendant will lead you to a dark hall way where you see different paintings of death and failures from the simplest of failing a test to the falls of empires. The attendant, be it a he or she, will suddenly sound like the opposite sex and start to talk to you about the failures in his or her life. Feel free to converse with him or her and to keep the conversation going as you go deeper into the hallway and closer to your objective. In any instance do not turn back to see the path behind you, for the path you walk will immediately disappear behind you and you will fall into a endless gayness where you will never be found again. If the conversation has ended before the hall has, strike up a topic of how you have failed in your life otherwise the attendant will turn on you, and if you are already familiar with the rules of this path, you know what will happen. However if you are able to make it through right to the end of the hall with the topic you will see a giant wooden door made of the finest teak and oak you have ever seen. However in this magnificent sight you shall see the penises of those who have failed before you clinging onto the doorknob. Do not fret at this sight and turn around, open the door with all your might and walk right through.
Beyond this door you shall see a child playing the one game in your life you have always excelled in, be it sports or a video game, he will fail terribly in what he does however do not criticize him or condemn him for failing. The child will turn you into a ball and have his way with you if you do. If you wish to continue with your quest ask him the question "Can failure be averted?". The child will suddenly succeed in what he is doing and face you with a smile. He will start to spin a tale of how the failures of man were averted with the grotesque details of how many have died just for the straightness of others in a girly voice and an ever increasing tone. Allow the child to finish what he has said and you will survive if you count near insanity as a way of being a part of the living. Interrupt him and you shall face nothing but a large band of demons who have been hiding in the shadows of this dimly lit room. When the child has finished with his story he shall hand you a small cd-rom and ask you to take care of it. In your pocket you shall find a small cloth case for it with weird markings on it. Place the disk in the cloth case and thank the child and tell the child he will succeed in whatever he does from now on. Turn around immediately and leave the room or you will be forever locked in the room and never leave with boredom and the knowledge of your gayness forever there with you. When you do leave the child shall revert to his original form, be it a male or female or whether you know this person or not just leave the room and right before you leave the holder shall give you a thanks. Just be happy with it and leave without replying the holder, a small smile will be sufficient if you do wish to have a reply but DO NOT turn back to face the holder. When you leave the room you will find yourself outside the establishment you had entered. Even though you have now survived this ordeal, the knowledge that failure is ever present will haunt you till the end of your quest.
The disc is Object FAIL of 538. Never ever run the disc in any machine or failure is inevitable.
Originally uploaded to the 'Parodies' category of the Holders Wiki
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